Yep, you read that right. For the past couple years, I've done/tried it all. Speed-dating. Set up blind-dates. Match. E-harm. OKCupid. Tinder. I grimace as I write out this list.
It's not that I haven't found Mr. Right (well, I haven't, but that's beside the point). It's just that, in the words of my girl, Taylor Swift 'I just, I mean, this is exhausting'.
The e-mails. The awkward conversations with strangers. The texting. The creepers. I just don't have time. Or rather, I just don't care to do this with my time. I keep busy with work. I have a good amount of good friends & family I try to keep in touch with. I take dance class. I work out. I am in the process of attempting to learn coding. I'm trying to read more. I'm struggling to keep up this blog. You get the drift.
That, and, not to pick on online dating especially (which I really truly think there is nothing wrong with, and I know several great couples, some married/engaged, who started with a wink) - but oh goodness, it's a headache and a half some times. There's the guys who write long, detailed, five paragraph essay emails. There's the guys who write emails for weeks but don't make any attempt to ask me out. There's the guys who write emails blatantly looking for a casual sexual relationship (even when I specified in my profile I was not open to said idea). There's the blatant control+copy+paste emails. There's the 'this isn't in a foreign language, but it isn't quite English, either' emails. And all the while, I can't help but think that there's a college friend I owe an email to, and here I am sorting through this crap instead.
Back in my college days/early twenties, I hadn't gone on nearly as many dates as I have over the past couple years (grimace again), but all the guys that were asking me out or taking me out on dates appeared to really be interested in me. The ones who kept calling, well, I knew they liked me. Maybe it was because they met me prior to the first date in some way or another, maybe it was because there wasn't a seemingly large mass pool of potential singles as one's fingertips, but I feel nowadays it seems like there will be guys that ask me out and continue to talk to me, but I cannot make heads or tails of whether or not they are into me. Perhaps they are casting a wide net. Or keeping their options open. I dunno. What I do know, though, is that in all seriousness, I question if I could successfully notice a great guy trying to get my attention amongst all this white noise.
Something in me snapped the other day. It must have been the 8th coupon in a row to reactivate e-harm. I promptly went on an deleted my profile (which, another can of worms, and perhaps a blog topic - was not easy to do!). Next - match - gone! Tinder - deleted. Okcupid - still there (because filling out all the questions was an extensive process), but I won't be checking it, except for material for this blog.
Don't get me wrong - I'm not anti-dating right now, I am just not doing anything that would constitute 'trying to meet someone'. If I happen to stumble upon a great guy and he asks me out in some way, I will go. But no dating sites, no blind dates - nothing that requires, well, time or effort.
That, and the other day, a friend made a good point. We were discussing another friend who is dating a good guy (and it seems to be getting more serious). Prior to dating this guy, said friend had a not-as-great relationship. My other friend mentioned to her not to put up with it because "once you meet the right guy, things will be easy". I wholly agree with this sentiment.