Sunday, March 18, 2012

Etiquette For Seeing Someone You Know on an Online Dating Site

So as you all know, I occasionally online date, yadda yadda yadda....

It's happened before (as evidenced in this post) and it's happened once again - I saw someone I know in real life on an online dating site.  I was looking through who had viewed my profile and I saw a familiar thumbnail.  I mistakenly looked at his profile (out of curiosity) - he could then see I viewed his profile.  Definitely him (a former coworker).

About half an hour later, I see I got a message.

"Hey!  How is the new job going?"

For some unknown reason, this annoyed me.  It would have been fine write me if he was interested in dating (although I don't return the sentiment).  However, he has my facebook and linkedin info, so he could have asked me this on some other communication platform.  Why do it here?  It almost struck me like he was calling me out - like a 'gotcha' thing.  Ha - I caught you online dating!

Anyhow, I did what I do best with 90% of people contacting me on online dating sites - I ignored it.  About a week later, he facebook messages me.  No avoiding it now....

At first he chit chats with me.  How is the new job going (again)?  Then he comments that he sees me on the online dating site.  He then tells me 'don't worry, he won't mention it to anyone'.  Uh, ok.  I think I laughed it off with a 'ha'.  Then he says something about wanting to keep it a secret that he's on this site.   Then why are you talking about it so much!?!  I just kept changing the subject.  We started talking for a little bit on a random talking point relating to our old workplace for a little bit.

After a short bit I told him I had to get going.  He once again went back to the online dating site and, again, that he won't mention it to anyone that he saw me there (ooh, my dirty secret!?) and that he's not sure what to make of it so far.  I, again, promptly ignored it and said goodbye.

Your thoughts?  What are the rules for seeing someone one knows in real life in an online dating site?  Is one to completely ignore it?  I don't know the proper etiquette, but I am confident this is not it.  Your thoughts?  Anyone else out there have any awkward run ins with real-life peeps in online dating?  

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walkoff2 said...

I'm on the other side of this coin in a way, and I found this article on google because I have the same questions.

My instinct says you can't view (or 'stalk', as ladies put it) or message them at all, but reading this, maybe the thing to do is contact them through other things like facebook/ linkedin. Although getting a message from someone you never talk to on facebook may be equally as creepy.

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