So I have a good friend who is currently single. She decided to try online dating. A man contacted her. They started having the typical brief get-to-know you chatter. He asks her for a picture to see what she looks like. She asks him for an email address. He gives it. Naturally, she logs in to Facebook and runs a search. A public profile immediately pops up, with a recognizable picture.
Drumroll please....
He has a girlfriend. His default profile pic is him and her. It's clear that he's logged in recently.
First off - what's with the shady guys?! Is he just shady because he can be? If he's not happy with his gf, why not just break up with her? And if he wants to argue he can't break up with her for some reason, how is mistreating her better, or at least, justified?
Second off - and more importantly - the question came up: should she contact the girlfriend and tell her? Most people would say no. Mind one's own business. There's no way she'll believe a random person over her own boyfriend. He'll just say he's never met or heard of my friend, and my friend will seem like the psycho. However, is there some good samaritan obligation here - this poor girl is wasting her time and giving herself to this shady guy - shouldn't my friend warn her? Also, I do know some people who have been in relationships where there was shadiness the entire duration and when it was over, the question of 'How could I waste so much of my time on this person? Why didn't anyone say something to me?' came up. Also, although my friend probably won't have enough credibility in this random girl's eyes, she will probably raise some questions that might lead this girl to further investigate and discover the truth. That, and it bothers me that shady guys can exist - I believe there's an expression - men like this can exist in this world when good women do nothing.
Your thoughts? Should my friend cold call this girlfriend? Will it do any good? What would you do in her situation? Why are there all these shady guys all of a sudden? Have they always existed? Is it because the internet makes it easier? Or does the internet make things more difficult because of facebook, etc.?
Drumroll please....
He has a girlfriend. His default profile pic is him and her. It's clear that he's logged in recently.
First off - what's with the shady guys?! Is he just shady because he can be? If he's not happy with his gf, why not just break up with her? And if he wants to argue he can't break up with her for some reason, how is mistreating her better, or at least, justified?
Second off - and more importantly - the question came up: should she contact the girlfriend and tell her? Most people would say no. Mind one's own business. There's no way she'll believe a random person over her own boyfriend. He'll just say he's never met or heard of my friend, and my friend will seem like the psycho. However, is there some good samaritan obligation here - this poor girl is wasting her time and giving herself to this shady guy - shouldn't my friend warn her? Also, I do know some people who have been in relationships where there was shadiness the entire duration and when it was over, the question of 'How could I waste so much of my time on this person? Why didn't anyone say something to me?' came up. Also, although my friend probably won't have enough credibility in this random girl's eyes, she will probably raise some questions that might lead this girl to further investigate and discover the truth. That, and it bothers me that shady guys can exist - I believe there's an expression - men like this can exist in this world when good women do nothing.
Your thoughts? Should my friend cold call this girlfriend? Will it do any good? What would you do in her situation? Why are there all these shady guys all of a sudden? Have they always existed? Is it because the internet makes it easier? Or does the internet make things more difficult because of facebook, etc.?
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3 comments:
Wow - there are a lot of cues that girls generally (often falsely) interpret as meaning a relationship is exclusive. Add facebook relationship status to the list. I'm guessing his 'gf' pressured him to list it.
But Jaime, he did then say:
"All i ask is a min just to tell u about the fb. it'll explain itself.... its actually comical lol. Didn't think about the whole fb when i sent u my email"
Well in that case, let's date!
She should take a screen shot of his dating profile (with his picture clearly on it) & send it to the girlfriend. It'd be hard to dismiss your friend as just a psycho with hard evidence. It's not really her business, but if it were me, I'd want to know. Chances are she's already suspicious and just needs proof.
And I'm not sure he's totally scaly. He might just enjoy the female attention he gets on a dating site, but he never really physically cheats on his girlfriend (still shady behavior, but I guess the lesser of the 2 evils...). I think the internet does make this kind of thing a lot easier. I mean there's websites specifically for finding someone to cheat on your spouse with! Forget wasting all that time going to seedy bars or hanging out at night clubs, you just join and search for someone in your area! Maybe your friend should suggest one of these sites to the guy...
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