Not That You Cared, But They Haven't Given up on Me

The Dianetics Center here in Des Plaines are offering Free Introductory Dianetic Auditing Sessions right now. If you have interest call (847) 824-62** to set up an appointment.

chicagomission@scientology.net
Northwest Chicago Mission
2720 S. River Road, Suite 45
Des Plaines, IL. 60018

Hours:
Mon and Wed 7-10 pm
Saturday 10-6pm


What kind of 'auditing'? I'm inclined to believe it involves one's 'personality' or 'life'....

The Stalking Resumes....

Apparently, the Chicago Dianetics Center knows about my book goal for the new year and would like to get one of their titles on my 'to read' list:

Subject Line: Here is a book that does what you don't expect a book to do

It tells you HOW. It tells you the basis of things, and the most basic of
things is life itself. This then is a book about life.

THE PROBLEMS OF WORK

By L. Ron Hubbard

Just get it, read it, try it, and you'll never be the same again.

Call 847-824-62** for your copy today.

DO IT TODAY

At This Point, Everyone Probably HATES These Posts

Subject Line:  Overcoming Anxiety in Stressful Times

Hello,

 

Today's economy has resulted in higher levels of stress and uncertainty for more people than ever before. Many are anxious about what the future holds and are not sure what steps to take.

 

In Scientology, L. Ron Hubbard detailed the full mechanics of what anxiety is composed of and this is something everyone should know in order to achieve peace of mind in troubled times. It has everything to do with the ability to make decisions and increasing your certainty in life.

 

Please join us for an introductory lecture entitled "Certainty and Decision" based on the book "Handbook for Preclears" by L. Ron Hubbard.

 

This lecture will be held on Saturday the 17^th of January at 1:00 pm. Please confirm your attendance by replying to this email or calling 847-824-62**.

Take comfort in knowing that as you are sick of Dianetics posts, I am sick of receiving e-mails from them.  

 

They Don't Know Me as Well as They/I Thought...

E-Mail Subject Line:  Marriages Break Down Because of Incompatible Personalities

Body:

If you and your marital partner are having trouble, come in and get your Personality and IQ checked as this may be the reason for your disputes.

Call to set up an appointment.

--------

I am not married.  I am not engaged.  I am not close to it either.  And I am absolutely fine with it.  :-)   In fact, this past Christmas, my mom declared she plans on "spoiling me every Christmas, until I get married".  So let's be honest, the odds that I'll walk down the aisle any time soon are getting slimmer by the second.  

You're going to have to do a little bit better than that, Chicago Dianetics Society.  

Worried About the Common Cold?

The Chicago Dianetics Center has proposed a solution.

Sick all the time?

Have your IQ and Personality checked as you may be disease-prone. Call 847-824-62** to set up an appointment.

One should note that yours truly has not been ill in over a year....

Dianetics Update, Cont'd.

As I'm sure most of my readers know by now, I am being stalked by the Chicago Dianetics Society. Normally I get a different Dianetics e-mail every couple weeks, but lately I've gotten the same one regularly. I wonder what it means in my life....

The unconscious, subconscious or reactive mind underlies and enslaves man

LEARN TO CONTROL YOUR REACTIVE MIND

Buy and read Dianetics: The Modern Science of Mental Health by L. Ron Hubbard

It contains discoveries heralded as greater than the wheel or fire. Available at your local bookstore

HMM....

Getting Sensitive...

So, as I'm sure you all know, the google ads that appear on this blog relate to topics discussed in this blog (note the many obama/biden/mccain/palin ads - and there are many more to come).

However, once in a while, and ad will come along that will have nothing to do with anything but will eerily apply to me personally (note the Lasik vision ad).

Kind of like the Dianetics society, I sometimes take these unrequested implications about myself a bit personally.

Today's "supposedly" completely-out-of-the-blue-nothing-to-do-with-anything ad:

Managing Adult ADHD

:(

Dianetics Update

So, I've mentioned a couple times that it seems like the Chicago Dianetics Center is not only trying to recruit me but also seems to be spying on me and my actions by targeting me personally based on referring to events going on in my life or opinions I already hold.  Today, I got yet another e-mail from them.  I will present it without comment:

The Problems of Work seminar

Hi,

 

We will be delivering a free seminar on Monday August 11th at 7:30 pm.  This seminar is called The Problems of Work.

 

In this seminar you will learn:

• The number one cause of interrelation problems in the work place.
• The rock bottom cause of exhaustion in the work place.
• The "Secret" of efficiency.
• How to turn "bad control" to good.
• The 3 most fundamental elements of relations.

You are invited!  Please confirm your attendance by phone or email. 

 

*Please note the word in quotation marks.  Please note some previous blog posts.  Case closed.

Dianetics

So I think the Chicago Dianetics Center is stalking me.  I know it sounds absurd, but last time I blogged about them, I swear, five minutes after I hit publish for said post, I got a gmail notification - it was another e-mail from THEM!

I dismissed this as a coincidence (is there such a thing as a coincidence though???).  However, very recently, I received yet another e-mail from them.

Subject line:  How to Live With Children

This settles it.  The Chicago Dianetics Center (which is not in Chicago, by the way) must know exactly how I feel about children!!!

Chicago Dianetics Center - you best watch out.  Two words:  restraining order.  You're on my list (along with Marlo Thomas for St. Jude's Hospital).