Fate vs. Action

So, as discussed earlier, some people believe 'everything happens for a reason'. Some people believe that, no matter how hard a person tries, one cannot screw up his/her fate - our mistakes 'make our fate', if you will (per Sex and the City).

However, there's another saying that goes 'fate only takes you so far - once you're there it's up to you to make it happen'. I mean, if one thinks about it, this makes complete sense on some level. Let's say if one wants to go into some career path or achieve some goal - some form of action is necessary. One can't become a professional athlete by just sitting on the couch eating cheetos watching tv and wishing for it.

So, I ask this - for those out there who believe in fate - what percentage is fate and what percentage is action? If something isn't meant to be, is there any way possible to force it? When should someone give up on something? Should someone just sit back and wait for something to happen? I think the semi-unanimous response to this would be 'no', but if we can't miss our fate, then won't things work out a certain way any way?

Your thoughts? I certainly don't know the answer to this one. However - I do remember that back in college, I had a crush on a fellow student (see blog post entitled 'Unrequited Love'). A large part of me, at the time, believed in fate and that if he was meant for me, we'd somehow end up together. However, I wrote him an email letting him know how I felt to take action (despite my beliefs that things would work out if necessary) so I would have peace of mind knowing that, if we never got together, I did all that I could and I could never sit around wondering 'what if'. Anyhow.

Sex and the City's 'Taxi Theory'

Yet more wonderful words of wisdom from Sex and the City.

So, according to my cynical counterpart, Miranda Hobbes:

"Men are like cabs. When they're ready to get married, they turn their light on. The next woman they pick up, boom! they marry."

Agree or disagree? It's kind of a blanket statement and I definitely know it's not true of all men, but I think there can be a little truth to this with some men. The counter argument, I suppose, would be that women are just looking to get married and will just marry any guy who asks them. Which, I will say, again, is certainly not true of all women, but I can see some truth to it.

Anyhow. I find both sides to this a little depressing. I am a closet hopeless romantic. I almost secretly want a guy who claims he'll never get married (although I'd never date a guy with this attitude) to propose to me, so I'll know it's me and not just that 'the timing is right'. Conversely, I am not all that interested in getting married. I would want a relationship that could potentially lead to marriage, but I don't just date people for the sake of 'having' or much worse 'needing' someone. I am holding out hope for not just someone but 'the one', if you will - which realize might not always be realistic.

Your thoughts?

Some More Thoughts on Sex and the City and Fate, Etc.

Carrie Bradshaw: I got to thinking about fate. That crazy concept that we're not really responsible for the course our lives take. That it's all predestined, written in the stars. Maybe that explains why, if you live in a city, where you can't even see the stars, your love life tends to feel a little more random. And even if our every man, every kiss, every heartache, is pre-ordered from some cosmic catalogue, can we still take a wrong step and wander off our own personal milky way? I couldn't help but wonder, can you make a mistake and miss your fate?

Now, this was a lovely episode and all(the one where Miranda has Brady and Mr. Big moves halfway across the country) - it raises an interesting point - can we, somehow, screw up our fate? There's a nice, sweet, charming quote at the end of it:

Maybe our mistakes are what make our fate. Without them, what would shape our lives? Perhaps if we never veered off course we wouldn't fall in love, or have babies, or be who we are. After all, seasons change. So do cites. People come into your life and people go. But it's comforting to know that the ones you love are always in your heart. And if you're very lucky, a plane ride away.

Anyhow.

This raises an interesting question - is it possible to 'miss your fate'? I know my spiritual friends will say no. I know my more scientific friends will say there is no such thing as fate. I probably fall somewhere into a 'middle ground' when it comes to spiritual vs. scientific.

Some people say 'what's meant for you won't miss you'. I am not sure what I believe on this one. However, I can think of four instances in my life where, ironically, it seemed like things were just meant to work out a certain way, against all odds. I'll go as far to say I can think of four instances where I ALMOST screwed up my fate, but for whatever reason, things worked out the way they did anyway.

However, according to this way of thinking, it's almost as though one is just supposed to sit back and wait for fate to happen to him/her. I believe in being proactive about things. I do believe that when a person really wants something, it's up to him or her to go out and make it happen. I kind of feel the whole 'fate' concept sometimes kind of contradicts this. Hmm.

Thoughts? Is there such a thing as fate? Is it possible to screw up one's fate? Can anything be done to alter fate?