Yet Another Greg Tidbit

Don't be flattered that he misses you.  He  should miss you.  You're deeply missable.  However, he's still the same person who just broke up with you.  Remember, the only reason he can miss you is because he's choosing, every day, not to be with you.  

A Good Greg-ism.

One of my good friends sent me an excerpt from a great book - He's Just Not That Into You:

I was seeing a guy for about a month.  He broke up with me, saying that he didn't feel like it could be something serious.  I understood and took it well.  He wanted to know if we could still hang out as friends.  I said sure.  Now we get together and go out and then come back to his place and have sex, just like we did before.  (But now, we're "broken up.")  He's really, really cute and I love having sex with him.  I also think he must like me if he can't stop being around me.  And I think it's kinda cool -- all pressure's off and we're having a great time together.  I've decided that I think it's fine and I'm not going to call his attention for the fact that we're actually dating.  Except for the fact that we broke up.

This guy is brilliant. He goes out with you, dates you, breaks up with you, then continues to sleep with you, which basically absolves him of all responsibility toward your feelings.  After all, you're not going out anymore.  It's genius!  It's diabolical!  He should be writing a book!  In fact, I bet this guy could get his own little cult going if he wanted to.  And let me guess, you'd be happy to sign up for that as well.  For the record, this guy doesn't "like you so much that he can't stop being around you."  Because here's what guys don't do if they can't live without you: they don't break up with you.  This guy is seriously not into you, it's crazy.  The only way you're going to figure out how into you you are ... is how fast you get rid of him.


I think the author - Greg Behrendt - has a great point.  I think, in modern relationships, too many people (not necessarily guys) get all the benefits without the responsibilities.  I remember hearing someone say 'having sex with an ex is like getting fired from a job and going back to work for free'.  Just keep that in mind, ladies.  Don't work for free.  

Who Picks Whom?

Ok, back to one of those dating/relationship/men vs. women posts that everyone (hopefully) doesn't hate....

So one of my male coworkers (who is a little over ten years older than me and married for around seven years, I believe) shared the story of how he met his wife: a simple, somewhat typical story - she approached him in a coffee shop. He ended the story with the comment 'I believe that women choose the men they end up marrying. It isn't men choosing their women, it's women choosing their men.'

Now, I personally respectfully disagree. Although we've all gotten more modern - what with dating websites and girls asking guys for dates, etc., I've always felt that the men hold the keys on this one. Typically (or, at least, more often) men approach women, men ask women out, men make the first move for the kiss, men propose. Granted, yes, the woman can reject the man at any of these stages, and yes, a woman can walk away if the relationship isn't moving at the speed she would like it to be (which gives her some control), and yes, a woman can be forward and initiate any of the aforementioned steps in a relationship, but I feel, more often than not, it's the man in the driver's seat. Perhaps in my coworker's situation, he was approached by the woman, so perhaps he was 'picked' if you will, but I feel this situation falls into the minority.

However. An interesting twist to this situation - I was talking to one of my other male coworkers (close to my age, in a relationship but never married) and I ran this theory of 'women pick the men they marry' by said coworker and he completely and totally agreed.

Is there something I'm missing? Do other women feel the way I do? Do other men feel the way my coworker does? Who picks whom? All I know is that I don't believe I've necessarily been 'sitting around, waiting to be picked', if you will, but I also haven't actively 'gone out and picked' (again, if you will).

I'm torn as to how I feel about this theory - I've always kind of resented the old-fashioned notion that I was supposed to wait for the guy who picked me - I'm a modern woman with my own opinions, interests and preferences; perhaps the person who picks me doesn't necessarily fit what I want. However, in the same sense, I would like to be pursued and courted. I kind of agree with the 'He's Just Not That Into You' theory - if a guy wants me (or any girl for that matter), he will take action, and, well, don't we all want the guy to initially want us?

Hmm. Your thoughts?

He's Just Not That Into You

So I just saw the movie "He's Just Not That Into You". Despite it's flaws (such as the blatant product placement of Crest whitestrips), I loved it because of its random hilarious moments.

However, I love the book too - and I know some friends who have great criticisms of the book for it's keen ability to point out the blatantly obvious. For example, here are some of the chapters from this book:

--He's just not that into you if he's not calling you
--He's just not that into you if he's having sex with someone else
--He's just not that into you if he's breaking up with you
--He's just not that into you if he only wants to see you when he's drunk
--He's just not that into you if he's married (or other insane variations)
--He's just not that into you if he's disappeared on you

Now, don't get me wrong, yes, this all makes a LOT of sense. However, I do know PLENTY of women who have held out hope and continued to pursue a man who fell into one or more of the above categories (I, of course, always protect the guilty). Some would probably say something about women wanting the 'bad boy' or wanting something they can't have. I don't think that it's that necessarily. And I don't think it's that women don't realize the above men aren't that into them. It's that I think they think these men can, and will, become into them and become decent, wonderful boyfriends/husbands with a little helpful nudging.... Why do women think this? I, personally, don't, so I don't really know.

Anywho, whenever I find myself on the receiving end of something such as a text message from a male counterpart - I ask myself "What Would Greg Say". And I can only encourage others to do the same. :-)