Ok, so some interesting points have been raised in my previous posts. Here's another dating confusion, if you will....
Now, the question I raise....sometimes, it's hard to tell, exactly, what a person's intentions are when asking one out. Sure, if one were to meet a stranger in a bar and he/she suggests grabbing drinks/dinner, it's obvious that he or she is asking for a DATE. However, let's say there's someone who one already knows - like a neighbor/coworker/etc. - and he/she asks one to go grab a drink or the even more vague 'hang out'. Is it that this person is asking for a date, or is this person maybe just bored? Is this person just trying to foster a friendship? What is the assumption?
I find these circumstances awkward because there are plenty of people whom I wouldn't mind spending time with, socially, but I am not interested in dating. There's no real easy to way to try to clarify what a person means by the invite without making things completely uncomfortable - 'uh, what do you mean, I mean, sure, I'll have coffee with you, just not like THAT, unless you never meant that in the first place, in which case, never mind that I assumed you'd want to date me'.
I realize that it's probably much easier to say 'hey, we should hang out sometime' - it's a lot less awkward than, say, 'can I take you out on a date'. However, I also find it awkward when there are different expectations on a 'hanging out' event.
Since I'm a girl, I don't usually do the asking. What do my readers think here? Does anyone ask anyone out any more, or is it always worded 'we should hang out'? Is there a good way to try to clarify a person's intentions?
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3 comments:
The "We should hang out" or “go get drinks” line is an ask out 99% of the time, trust me. I try not to use this tactic because as Jaime pointed out it leaves too much doubt for the girl and for the guy too. The girl is left wondering if it’s an official, serious ask out or just a friendly invite and the guy is left wondering if you really are interested or just being nice or looking for something to do or a free mocha latte. BTW, if you are completely uninterested in the “we should hang out” “go get drinks” guy, then don’t accept the invitation; we immediately think you are interested. Also, on whether or not we ask you out just because we are bored, I personally never have and never will do that! I have to in a mental state close to that of those karate guys who are breaking 7 cinder blocks at one time in order to ask a girl out (Just like George Costanza), and I’m not going to subject myself to that just because I’m bored. And on the question about if we are just trying to foster a friendship, we do not want to be friends with you. That is not meant in a mean way, but we don’t want to be friends. I think there should be more open communication between our organizations in order to avoid so much confusion!!
Anon. Hilarious, as usual. That is a good point, and you are lending a suggestion to a future post (keep an eye out). I do appreciate knowing that you would not torture yourself out of boredom. Please, keep the comments coming.
I agree with Anon. Never have I gone out with a guy for "just drinks" in a casual way. It is always a date, unless it's your best guy friend. And if it's your best guy friend, then you have already resolved the dating issues anyway. Another clue: if it's just going to be the 2 of you, then it's definitely a date.
I also don't think it's a good idea to hang out with guys you are not interested in dating, unless they are the aforementioned Best Guy Friends. That only leads them on, and no one likes to be led on. Don't get their hopes up like that; it's cruel!
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