That One Friend

This is so totally me.  Blush.  The horror.

I'd like to echo the sentiment of someone who commented in the thread - I don't know how a relationship status whether one could give good advice or not.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

A Response to Honesty....

So my good friend, Matt, being the always opinionated and also very honest individual that he is, made some interesting points in the comments section of 'honesty':

When someone asks, "What do you think of my boyfriend, honestly?" are they really asking your opinion, or are they asking you to reinforce their choice?


Option B.  100%.  It's like 'does this dress make me look fat'.  There's only one answer to the question that involves not getting punched.  Regardless, every friend I have will still, quite regularly, ask me the aforementioned question.  


...if you are not open to people evaluating your own situations, then it’s probably going to be very hard to expect to have clout in other people’s situations. 


Ok, Matt, you got me.  I am the queen of dishing it out/not being able to take it.  Actually, that's not fully true. I like to think that when I don't want someone's opinion, I don't ask, because I accept that it might not be good and I'm choosing to do what I'm choosing to do, regardless of his/her opinion.  And I try not to give my opinion unless I'm asked, or I try my best to be tactful when doing so, and only do it out of concern.  Should people be more honest with me?  What are some things others think about me that they don't say?  Do I actually want to hear the answer to this?  Hmm.  

Advice

So there are some people in this world who like to ask my advice.

I think it's cause I tell it like it is. 

That being said, I rarely like hear others' advice.  I think it's a combo of a) some people have a tendency to give me unrequested advice 2) most people aren't as honest/straightforward as I am, or just don't look at things with the same perspective and have the same priorities as I do and iii) I am stubborn.   Therefore, I never really 'receive' advice, at least not advice that I take - even when I occasionally ask for it.  

Is it me?  (Don't answer that, that's unwanted advice.)

Sigh.  Hmm.  Maybe I'll just invest in one of these 'therapist style' couches and work as an independent contractor if all else fails.

The Million Dollar Question

So I was reading my Glamour magazine today, and there was an article that asked a lot of hard-hitting, up for debate questions. One of them being 'should you tell a friend when you don't like her boyfriend?'

This is really quite the question. Those who took the 'no' stance in said article articulated all my past experiences with the subject - the odds of it making said significant other go away are slim to none, it will only cause said friend to distance herself (or himself) from you, said friend will not be completely honest with you about future issues in the relationship because he/she will be afraid you are judging or will pressure him/her to leave, etc. Basically, it will only hurt the friendship.

Now - quick disclaimer. I have experience in both a) telling a friend she should get out of a relationship, then having said friend having lukewarm feelings toward me and b) not saying anything because I knew it would totally ruin the friendship, but watching a friend of mine be mistreated and silently wishing the bastard away.

I think the obvious answer is 'no, one cannot tell someone she doesn't like her boyfriend'. Said friend needs to reach the decision to leave on her own; she's a capable adult and hopefully will do so.

However.

A small part of me feels awkward sitting there in silence. Isn't it a friend's job to tell her friend she deserves better? Granted - no one is perfect, we all have different standards for what we want in a significant other, different non-negotiables, etc. However, recently a good friend posed the question to me, when speaking of her boyfriend, 'you like him, right?' Well, in this particular instance, I do. But, would I say something if I didn't?

If I was in a relationship where I was being mistreated, I would want my friends to say so. Although, also, a small part of me wonders that, if I was in a relationship where I wasn't being treated right, what kind of frame of mind am I in? Am I seeing clearly? I'm guessing no. Therefore, would I take my friend's advice the right way? Hard to say. What's more important, doing what one feels is right or putting the friendship first? However, if one were to, per se, do what she feels is right and then her friend stays in the relationship AND writes her off as a friend, there's no hope of helping the friend out of the relationship, ever. So it could be a lose lose.

What should one do when she doesn't like a friend's significant other? Is there anything that can be done? Can one ever tell a friend she doesn't like her boyfriend? Is there a way to do so without losing the friendship? What would you want if your friends didn't like your significant other? Would you want to know?

Any Recommendations???

So I am due for a new cellular mobile phone on my contract. As you may know, I HATE HATE HATE my current phone, the LG Chocolate. You know the expression - once bitten, twice shy. I am going to have to do some investigative research before committing to a new phone. Does anyone out there have any suggestions/recommendations/ideas? (Other than the i-phone.) I don't need something super-duper fancy - let's be honest - my priorities are text messages, being able to update my facebook status and that crazy original intended use phones once had. Thoughts?

My Childhood Dream....

So when I was young, my dream job was to be a journalist - but not the reporting the news type, moreso the 'writing my opinion' type. (I am sure my readers find this VERY hard to believe.) Specifically, I wanted to write an advice column. I wanted to be 'Dear Abby'. I wanted to write and I wanted to give advice to people about their problems. I'm also not sure what makes one qualified to give others advice via a column, and what the steps are to get on this career path. I'm also not sure this career path exists anymore. Does anyone know the answers to these questions?

For the above reasons, it's hard to say if I'll ever get to live out this dream. Perhaps I could turn this blog into an advice column? Maybe my readers could write me their problems in the comments section and I could respond. Go ahead readers, don't be shy! Help a girl with her dream!

Any Suggestions?

So I have had the same hairstyle for roughly the past 15 years. Hey, it works for me. Once in a while I'll throw in some highlights. It's been as short as just below my shoulders and as long as maybe 4-5 inches lower than that. I am thinking it might be time for a chance, but unsure what I would do. Does anyone have any thoughts, suggestions, etc.?

Coach?

So I have come across, on several occasions, something pertaining to the occupation of 'life coach'.  

Needless to say, I am VERY cynical to this profession on the whole and those who think they are qualified to assume such a role.   

What exactly is a life coach?  What do they do?  More importantly, what makes one qualified to be a life coach?   How is it determined that, hey, you right there - you're more successful in life than 90% of the buffoons out there - you're qualified to tell others what they should be doing with their lives!!  Is it a certain amount of 'life experience' that makes one qualified to be a life coach?  I see 20 and 30-somethings claiming to be life coaches.   Is there any training to become a life coach?  I personally would think the training would be life itself - but we all have that experience of having lived life - what makes some of us grossly unqualified for the profession?   Is being a life coach solely a self-proclaimed accolade, or is there a formal certification process?  Are there a good amount of people out there going to 'life coaches'?  (Actually, I have no trouble believing this - those who feel desperately lost and searching will turn to anything that might be able to solve their problems, hence the success of cults, Rhonda Byrne's "The Secret", etc.)

I do believe several of those behind "The Secret" are self-proclaimed life coaches.  This doesn't add on any cynicism for me toward this subject matter; I already had plenty.

It's not the idea of a life coach that troubles me - it's the idea that some of my peers might be qualified to assume this role in my, or someone's, life.  I dare a life coach to offer up some advice to me.

(Editor's sidenote:  To find a picture for this blog, I googled 'Coach', but that only yielded handbags.  I then googled 'athlete coach' and immediately came upon the picture of Bela Karolyi and Kerri Strug.  Those who know me appreciate that I couldn't resist.)