A Response to Honesty....

So my good friend, Matt, being the always opinionated and also very honest individual that he is, made some interesting points in the comments section of 'honesty':

When someone asks, "What do you think of my boyfriend, honestly?" are they really asking your opinion, or are they asking you to reinforce their choice?


Option B.  100%.  It's like 'does this dress make me look fat'.  There's only one answer to the question that involves not getting punched.  Regardless, every friend I have will still, quite regularly, ask me the aforementioned question.  


...if you are not open to people evaluating your own situations, then it’s probably going to be very hard to expect to have clout in other people’s situations. 


Ok, Matt, you got me.  I am the queen of dishing it out/not being able to take it.  Actually, that's not fully true. I like to think that when I don't want someone's opinion, I don't ask, because I accept that it might not be good and I'm choosing to do what I'm choosing to do, regardless of his/her opinion.  And I try not to give my opinion unless I'm asked, or I try my best to be tactful when doing so, and only do it out of concern.  Should people be more honest with me?  What are some things others think about me that they don't say?  Do I actually want to hear the answer to this?  Hmm.  

Honesty.

So, I have learned (unfortunately often times the hard way) that there are some honest things that shouldn't be said to friends.

The line that usually gets me in trouble the most is 'your boyfriend sucks'.  My defense is always that I think the guy said friend is with does not treat her the way deserves and/or is not good enough for her, and that I truly believe she can find someone better.  Alas, regardless, trouble usually ensues.

Anyhow.

I have *almost* learned to hold my tongue.  However, I can't help but feel guilty when I'm not being completely honest with a friend.  I feel as though I'm being a bad friend sitting by and watching and not saying anything.  Isn't it the job of a friend to tell the truth, even when it's hard?  I especially feel bad when, hypothetically speaking - let's say a friend breaks up with her boyfriend, and I then say 'it didn't seem right' and she then says 'why didn't you say something?!'    But would she have listened?  Does anyone ever?  On this same note, I do know how I personally feel about unrequested advice on how to live (read: not good).

That being said, I always wonder what people who care about me are thinking but not saying.  A small part of me would love some anonymous blatant honesty - a larger part of me would not.

I also think I'd secretly like to write a post of honest things I'm thinking but I know I shouldn't say, not specifying the individuals they are directed at - however, I also know I'd get myself in a lot of trouble on this one.

Anyhow.  Which is more important in friendship - being honest or respecting someone's feelings?

Honest

Random question:

If someone isn't being honest with you, and you know this person isn't being honest with you, is there anything you can do?  I have tried calling people out on it, historically speaking, but it has never seemed to do anything good.  What does one do in this situation?  I really don't know.