Some Thoughts on Online Dating.... (or, Undateable, Part 3)

Ok, so my friend Matt, being his astute self, as always, was able to accurately predict the foreshadowing in the previous post, 'debating'....

So, long story short, I tried online dating.  I could start making a bunch of silly excuses to justify my having done this (such as, I have tried and blogged about blind dating, speed dating, etc., so this just completed my repertoire, etc.), but I'm not going to - I will address why not later.

Anyhow.  For those who are curious about dating websites (I won't mention the one I tried, but it's a fairly mainstream one), I've compiled a list of thoughts (mostly complaints - let's be honest) on the matter, in no particular or coherent order:

--In one's profile, the requisite explanation of why one is here (e.g. "I got sick of meeting people in bars").  Here's the thing - everyone you meet on said website is, AHEM, ON SAID WEBSITE (most likely for its intended purpose).  So the ridiculous explanation comes off a little trite, and quite possibly arrogant (you see, there's a reason for me being here, unlike all the other losers).  Bonus demerits if you pretend you somehow got finagled into being on said site (so I lost a bet to one of my buddies....) -- all I really hear is Ross Gellar saying 'Ok, so who should I say tricked me into smoking the pot?'

--I have twice been called either a 'nerd' or a 'dork' by a virtual stranger.  Now THAT's a turn-on.  Who doesn't love a good throwback to the junior high lunch room?  If I saw these men in person, would they pull my hair?  Way to disprove that this means of meeting someone is geared toward the socially stunted.

--Listing sexual activity as a 'must have'.  Ok, I get it.   It's important to you, and shouldn't you be honest about your needs, find someone else who has the same desire, blah blah blah.  But you do realize, you are paying for a service, with hopes that said service connects you with some sexual activity.  You are just one step away from using a pimp.

--Works out five times a week or more.  A little obsessive, don't you think?  Read:  you'll notice if I gain five pounds.  I'd rather date a guy who wouldn't notice if I shaved my head.

--In the 'about me' section:  "Uh, it's hard to describe myself....I never know what to say in these things...uhhh...these things are always awkward".  Yes, they are, but think of it this way - you've had time to think about preparing an answer and THIS is what you came up with?  What are you gonna be like on the date?

--Male, age 30 (or higher).  Looking for women age 18-30.   EW EW EW EW EW.  You could date an 18 year old?!  Seriously?!  I don't know which is worse, a 30+ man who could actually relate to and connect with an 18 year old woman on a mental/emotional level, or a 30+ man who could guiltlessly use one for a couple hook ups.  I can't help you, dude, but maybe a good therapist could.

--(In the body of a message) 'So, I am just looking for some fun things to do in Chicago and was wondering if you had any good suggestions'.  This is the cyber-equivalent of 'do you come here often' or 'you look really familiar'.  I get it, it seems like a nice, pleasant conversation starter, but a small part of it just seems moronic because, again, it's an online dating site, not centerstage.com - is that REALLY what you are contacting me for?   How totally savvy.

--Repeatedly getting contacted by the same guy before any form of a response from me.  I think you know my opinion on this one.

--Height:  5'6" (actual height: 5'4").  Height:  5'9" (actual height: 5'7").  If he's claimed to be anything under 6', you can assume he's added at least two inches to his actual height.  I am not sure the probability of it, exactly, but it's pretty much the same odds that a woman will knock ten pounds off her weight.

--Complaining to me that other women you've met through the site are not as good looking in real life as they are in their pictures.  It rubs me the same way as it would you if I were to complain to you about a man taking me out on a date but not paying.

--A man with a picture of himself holding a baby.  Chicks dig a guy who likes babies.  Clever.  REALLY clever.

--"So sick of meeting people in bars".  If I see this tagline one more f'ing time....  Actually, the painfully ironic thing is men in bars can get a little leeway under the assumption that alcohol is partially responsible for some stupid statements/behavior - what's the excuse here?

I am sure there are more that I cannot think of right now.  I can almost guarantee there'll be a follow-up post or 3.  I can honestly say, after having tried this, that I thought maybe I just hadn't met the right guy.  But I have now come to the conclusion that either a) I am way too critical of the men I meet or b) to the single men of the Chicagoland area - it's not me, it's you.  I'm opting for the latter.

Hitting Up the Gym

So, the other day, I hit up the gym. Specifically, the East Bank Club.

Now, don't get me wrong, but I personally don't get the point of gym memberships. I mean, I do get it, but I personally think it's more economical to buy an exercise machine (yeah, I get it, not much room in a tiny apartment) or just run outside for the sake of working out (yeah, I get it, cold weather). I get the point of the gym for an athlete who wants to train on the various weight machines, etc., but not for your average every day working out folk. Yeah, I get it, the gym has variety, is indoors, offers safety and the whole experience, etc.

Anyhow.

I happened to notice something. While I was in the ladies locker room, for me personally, it was like 8th grade revisited. I kept my eyes down and got as close to the locker as possible without actually getting in it in order to change. However, everyone else around me had a very different take on the situation. I even had a very naked much older woman try to strike up a friendly conversation (not like that).

Since I am not a gym regular, maybe I am just not aware of norms. What is protocol? How many inappropriate responses am I going to get right now? Does anyone else feel like I do about gym memberships and the general cost of them?

Yet Another Pet Peeve...

Ok, this has got to be one of my biggest ones....

When people say 'I was the BIGGEST DORK back in high school'. Why do I hate this? Well, apparently, some hollywood bigshot superstar(s) years ago thought this was a clever/kitchy thing to say for some reason, and now pretty much EVERY FAMOUS PERSON has claimed this. The uniqueness/shock factor has worn off - I am actually ready for a famous person to claim she was the prom queen and be shocked at this point.

Anyhow.

I guess what irritates me the most, per se, is that when a person says something to the extent of 'you might be surprised to learn I was a huge dork growing up', the implication is "I think I'm REALLY hot shit now!" I've heard this not only from hollywood bigshots but also from everyday people I see and meet. In fact, for quite a few of them - and I don't mean this in a bad way in the least of ways - but I'm really NOT surprised. In fact, there's a couple people I've heard claim this where, to be honest, I couldn't really picture it any other way - yet they still made the statement blatantly looking for some 'shock value'.

In fact, I think I've officially decided that the next time someone says 'I was a huge dork growing up, doesn't that surprise you?', I think my response is gonna be 'No, I can so totally see it".

Concert Tonight!

Well actually, the concert was yesterday night. Better Than Ezra. It was great. Kind of short and not all that crowded. And the band members have all aged a bit. But otherwise, it was great.

I went to for the subject line of 'Concert Tonight' because it is a toss-back to the good old days of River Trails Middle School. I am not sure how many RTMS alums read this blog (well, there's only really one or two I know of) - but I'm curious if anyone else will get this.