Something Funny I Noticed....

...the negative critiques of the book 'Undateable'.

Ok, LOL.

Now, granted, my personal take on it was that it was a fun read.  I don't think it was meant to be taken super-seriously, however, it was an honest review of things men do that turn off women.  Most of these things were completely within men's control - things they say or wear, etc.  The advice wasn't something to the extent of 'get plastic surgery', so I kind of think some of the more sensitive men out there should chill out.

However, quite a few of the men raised the point that what if men made a list of 311 things women do that guarantee men won't be proposing  (or asking for a second date, or some variation).

I am curious, partially for amusement sake, partially for educational purposes (on what goes on inside a man's head) what might be on this list.  I imagine there are some reasonable frustrations (took a call during the date, didn't offer to pay for herself) and various others (wore shoes or carried a purse that cost half a month's rent).

Let me just say - I do the latter.  I like my shoes and purses.  I do not plan on changing that.  I do not expect the man in my life to fund said habit, so I don't see the problem.  If a man has that big of a problem with it, he needs to either a) get over it or b) move on to another chica who is more willing to let the man in her life dictate her every move - I am not giving up my shoe/purse choice for someone else.  However, I do realize that men might be thinking the same thing about their jorts/orthopedic style shoes.  Hmm.

Some Thoughts on Online Dating.... (or, Undateable, Part 3)

Ok, so my friend Matt, being his astute self, as always, was able to accurately predict the foreshadowing in the previous post, 'debating'....

So, long story short, I tried online dating.  I could start making a bunch of silly excuses to justify my having done this (such as, I have tried and blogged about blind dating, speed dating, etc., so this just completed my repertoire, etc.), but I'm not going to - I will address why not later.

Anyhow.  For those who are curious about dating websites (I won't mention the one I tried, but it's a fairly mainstream one), I've compiled a list of thoughts (mostly complaints - let's be honest) on the matter, in no particular or coherent order:

--In one's profile, the requisite explanation of why one is here (e.g. "I got sick of meeting people in bars").  Here's the thing - everyone you meet on said website is, AHEM, ON SAID WEBSITE (most likely for its intended purpose).  So the ridiculous explanation comes off a little trite, and quite possibly arrogant (you see, there's a reason for me being here, unlike all the other losers).  Bonus demerits if you pretend you somehow got finagled into being on said site (so I lost a bet to one of my buddies....) -- all I really hear is Ross Gellar saying 'Ok, so who should I say tricked me into smoking the pot?'

--I have twice been called either a 'nerd' or a 'dork' by a virtual stranger.  Now THAT's a turn-on.  Who doesn't love a good throwback to the junior high lunch room?  If I saw these men in person, would they pull my hair?  Way to disprove that this means of meeting someone is geared toward the socially stunted.

--Listing sexual activity as a 'must have'.  Ok, I get it.   It's important to you, and shouldn't you be honest about your needs, find someone else who has the same desire, blah blah blah.  But you do realize, you are paying for a service, with hopes that said service connects you with some sexual activity.  You are just one step away from using a pimp.

--Works out five times a week or more.  A little obsessive, don't you think?  Read:  you'll notice if I gain five pounds.  I'd rather date a guy who wouldn't notice if I shaved my head.

--In the 'about me' section:  "Uh, it's hard to describe myself....I never know what to say in these things...uhhh...these things are always awkward".  Yes, they are, but think of it this way - you've had time to think about preparing an answer and THIS is what you came up with?  What are you gonna be like on the date?

--Male, age 30 (or higher).  Looking for women age 18-30.   EW EW EW EW EW.  You could date an 18 year old?!  Seriously?!  I don't know which is worse, a 30+ man who could actually relate to and connect with an 18 year old woman on a mental/emotional level, or a 30+ man who could guiltlessly use one for a couple hook ups.  I can't help you, dude, but maybe a good therapist could.

--(In the body of a message) 'So, I am just looking for some fun things to do in Chicago and was wondering if you had any good suggestions'.  This is the cyber-equivalent of 'do you come here often' or 'you look really familiar'.  I get it, it seems like a nice, pleasant conversation starter, but a small part of it just seems moronic because, again, it's an online dating site, not centerstage.com - is that REALLY what you are contacting me for?   How totally savvy.

--Repeatedly getting contacted by the same guy before any form of a response from me.  I think you know my opinion on this one.

--Height:  5'6" (actual height: 5'4").  Height:  5'9" (actual height: 5'7").  If he's claimed to be anything under 6', you can assume he's added at least two inches to his actual height.  I am not sure the probability of it, exactly, but it's pretty much the same odds that a woman will knock ten pounds off her weight.

--Complaining to me that other women you've met through the site are not as good looking in real life as they are in their pictures.  It rubs me the same way as it would you if I were to complain to you about a man taking me out on a date but not paying.

--A man with a picture of himself holding a baby.  Chicks dig a guy who likes babies.  Clever.  REALLY clever.

--"So sick of meeting people in bars".  If I see this tagline one more f'ing time....  Actually, the painfully ironic thing is men in bars can get a little leeway under the assumption that alcohol is partially responsible for some stupid statements/behavior - what's the excuse here?

I am sure there are more that I cannot think of right now.  I can almost guarantee there'll be a follow-up post or 3.  I can honestly say, after having tried this, that I thought maybe I just hadn't met the right guy.  But I have now come to the conclusion that either a) I am way too critical of the men I meet or b) to the single men of the Chicagoland area - it's not me, it's you.  I'm opting for the latter.

Undateable, Part 2

So I finished the book.  Freakin' hilarious.

Some common offenses men make that I found in the book:
--Zubaz
--Orthopedic-style shoes (EW!  And the worst part is, I see them CONSTANTLY)
--Corporate Swag (a.k.a. a fleece with, say, "MetLife" emblazoned on it)
--Wrong shoe/sock combinations (and I honestly feel this could be a book in and of itself)
--Tighty whiteys
--Jorts  (WHY?)
--T-shirts with various offensive sayings
--Zubaz (deserve a second mention)
--Bad dancing

I have seen many of the above clothing offenses.  In fact, a good amount of men I know have committed at least one clothing-related offense.  I have a lot of thoughts on this.  For instance, many men I know have committed some of these clothing offenses.  I do agree that black socks with sandals are a crime against humanity.   However, I do believe there are decent men underneath this.  At the end of the book, in fact, there was talk about how one of the authors' subjects transformed himself into someone completely dateable.

Now, I have some friends who have 'trained' some men.  I have a couple friends who have 'redressed' their men.  I have always been curious how one does this.  I have never done this.  I do realize that most men count on the women in their lives to help them with fashion decisions.  However, on the other hand,  I personally would not like it if I started dating a guy and, a couple dates in, he randomly 'suggested' I make some tweaks to my wardrobe.  I like to take some fashion risks - so if men think about or notice these things, I might be doing the man's equivalent of 'undateable' acts, and frankly, I don't give a damn.

I am also curious - I can imagine men have a list of 'undateable' qualities in women - some generally harmless qualities.  I can definitely see men getting put off by things like women not offering to pay on a date - but what are the more superficial qualities that drive men nuts?  Bad highlights?  A certain style makeup?  Do men care enough?  What are these qualities?  Do men get offended when women try to change how they dress, or are they happy to have advice?

There was so much great material in this book.  There's more to discuss.

A Lovely Birthday Gift From My Mother

Undateable.  311 Things Guys do that Guarantee They Won't be Dating or Having Sex
By:  Ellen Rakieten & Anne Coyle

Elaine:  So basically, what you're saying is that 95% of the population is undateable?

Jerry:  UNDATEABLE!

Elaine:  So how are all these people getting together?

Jerry:  Alcohol!

I can't wait to read it!