Are YOU &$^ Material?

You know how there are those radio spots for certain career paths? Example:

"Do you enjoy working in a fast-paced environment? Are you looking to make over $50K a year? You should consider a career as a medical transponder!"

Well, a good friend and I used to work at, let's just say, an interesting company. And not interesting in a good way. We say the tragic experience brought us together. We decided, while carpooling and hearing many a radio spots like the aforementioned, to create the 'want-ad' for said company, based on what the company seemed to be looking for based on it's other hiring choices and job responsibilities.

I will refrain from mentioning the name of said company to protect the guilty (NOT the Sun-Times :)). Imagine the following being read in your typical radio-commercial announcer voice:

"Is busywork your specialty?
Does mental stimulation make you ill?
Do you lack all forms of social skills?
Does being surrounded by interesting people cause you excess anxiety?
Is succeeding just not a priority?
Are you looking for the closest thing to solitary confinement?
Does human interaction frighten you??
Maybe you should consider a career at...."