Asking a Man Out....

So Chelsea Handler says (on the subject of asking a man out before he asks you):

Never ask out a guy before he asks you.  I don't care what sore of women's movement feminist crap you hear: it's a big mistake.  men are, for the most part, stupid.  If they have been told their whole lives that it is their place to ask out a woman and you upset that rule and confuse them, their heads will explode.
On top of  that, if they haven't asked you out yet, they're probably not interested.  In that case, they would only say yes if you ask them because they (a) feel sorry for you or (b) assume that you will pay.  In either scenario, you lose.

Now, when I was younger, I may have held a different viewpoint (see previous posts about not wanting to be picked by a man, but rather, to do the picking).

However.   I kind of think one non-negotiable is that a guy must really like me, or at least, be interested enough to ask me out.  If he can't ask me out, he either (a) isn't all that into me, or (b) lacks the balls to ask me out.  As Chelsea said - either way, it's a loss.

Your thoughts?  Should women ask out men?  Should we remain old-fashioned on this one?  Do you other girls out there ask men out?  Do you men enjoy getting asked out by women?  Or, is this question in and of itself too old fashioned?  Should it be 'should women wink/poke/nudge/whatever form of online dating communication effort first'?

It's Not What You Said....

Ok, so I've had a couple 'feminist' moments on this blog.  However, one of the best things about male friends, relatives, boyfriends, etc. - the men in one's life, if you will....

A guy isn't going to get pissed about stupid stuff.  A man's never going to say to you 'it's not what you said, it's how you said it' - that is a woman's moment.  A man isn't going to get mad at you for being 5 minutes late.  A guy isn't going to be mad at you for saying something in a weird tone.  Or, at least, in my mind, he shouldn't.  There'll be a few exceptions.  But still.  Overall.  

That's what I love about (most) men.  Men don't get mad about stupid shit (sorry mother).  Men don't act like children when they're mad at you (again, most men).  

Man, I need more guy friends.  Haha.  

Women Who Want to Marry a Rich Man

Call this a rant of cynicism (the first of many)....

So, there is something that absolutely disgusts me. In recent discussions with other twenty-something females, in talks of future career/financial plans, I have been repeatedly met with a (dead serious) attitude of ‘well, you can worry about those kinds of things; I’m not going to - I’m going to be married to a guy who makes a lot of money'.

What has happened to the feminist movement? And I’m not talking bra-burning here. It seems as though some mysterious ‘anti-independence’ movement has arisen amongst women.

Let me tell you something – many years ago, women didn’t originally decide to fight for the ability to be independent for shits and giggles (or because they were ‘too ugly’ to be picked by a man for marriage, so they had to do something with their time, as most modern women seem to believe). Women fought for independence because they came to realize that with no means of supporting themselves, no educational background and no work experience and with six plus mouths to feed, clothe and house, if they happened to have a questionable character of a husband – their options were quite limited.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t think it’s wrong for a woman eventually decide to stay home with her children. However, I think all women should be prepared to go out into the workforce and be able to support herself and her potential children if need be – and we young twenty-something women are in a unique situation where we have more of an opportunity and awareness (thanks to all our previous generations) of this - and we’re not taking it!!!

There really is no argument against a woman being independent and prepared to care of herself – kind of like there are no real arguments against using a lifejacket when going out on the high seas. The only sentiment I’ve been hearing from these supposedly smart women is “I am special; I won’t need to”.

I think this attitude is what makes me the angriest – it’s ignorant and dangerous. And let me say this – I have been asked out by my fair share of men, some of who had lucrative careers. I only say this because I want to make it clear that I’m not making this argument from a bitter, have-not, outside-looking-in, jealous perspective. I think I am just as likely “to be picked by a rich man” (and I gag as I type this idea) as the next chick.

I personally don’t know any men who have the idea that it’s either being financially successful or having family – one or the other, not both. If men feel confidently in their ability to have their cake and eat it too – why don’t we women? Part of me feels it’s just plain fear and laziness that are keeping women waiting to be rescued – we need to rise up above this instead of living by it.

All I know is this – life doesn’t always turn out as planned – and anyone who has made it past kindergarten should know this. I think some women seem to assume that after they marry a man with money, it’ll be smooth sailing from there on out. That most likely isn’t going to be the cakewalk so many women think it is.

First off – what if something random goes wrong, and the family loses all its money? Unlikely, maybe; but possible nonetheless.

Also, what if the sweetest, smartest perfect partner comes along and he happens to make a very average income? What if this person happens to come from humble beginnings and have a lot of student loans? Aside from that, our economic system has changed a lot from the days of when it was normal for only one person in the family to work – only a very high income would support multiple people comfortably. Perhaps a lot of women will find that the men of their dreams come with more financial complications than initially anticipated. This begs the argument – should one sacrifice true love for financial stability?

Also, I know a few men who make a lot of money yet they freak out if their wife spends $30 on something. They keep strict budgets for everything. I don’t know about you, but I’d rather have the guy who makes $30K a year and says “order whatever you’d like” than the stingy rich man.

I will not even go near the can of worms labeled “what if he never comes” – however, we all know it exists.

Also, I think there’s the whole issue in being completely financially dependent on a man – a woman is stuck clinging to him, no matter what he turns into. I don’t know about you, but I want to be married to someone because I want to be in the relationship, not because, well, going back to school is too expensive so I’m stuck if I want a roof over my head.

I am not saying it’s easy to become financially independent. However, in the same sense most men are taught to fight to achieve it themselves – we women, with the potential to become whatever we want, need to capitalize on this opportunity – because the golden parachute better known as a rich man just might happen to be a knapsack.