Have You Ever Noticed?

There's something empowering about being disliked by someone.  Now, I'm not talking about your boss of your boyfriend's mom (that's not good).   I'm not talking about the girl you stole the boyfriend of (that's expected).   I'm talking about when you discover a completely random, unexpected person hates you for no particular reason.

Now, don't get me wrong - it's not that I rejoice in this.  However, a person has to CARE to not like you.  

It's especially interesting when it involves someone you don't necessarily see regularly.  Surely, it's easy to be bothered by the regular annoying qualities of a coworker or a classmate.  However, to carry a dislike for someone who is no longer a part of your life seems to be reserved for those who've committed only a handful of serious offenses against you.  

Although there were plenty of people from both high school and college who I didn't exactly like at the time being, I can honestly say I can't think of anyone I actively dislike from either place (and I am still looking for someone who will describe me as 'forgiving').   Anyone who wasn't to my liking is no longer in my life at this point, and the people who aren't in my life aren't worth the energy for the most point.

However, once in a while, we'll all come along a little nougat of info that someone we haven't seen/talked to/even thought of in forever REALLY DOESN'T LIKE US.  There's some satisfaction in knowing that we must, on some level, albeit negatively, matter to that person.  

As I'm  sure you've inferred, this has happened to me recently.  Of course, despite what I've mentioned above, this situation is of course clouded by the ever-persistent human question - "why?"   

Friendship

Ok, an additional follow up to the post about the friendship book.  Again, my agent suggested I break my rants up into smaller posts for better readership.   Just kidding - I don't have an agent - anyone know of one? 

Anyhow, in this book, and another book I read a while ago (The Friend that got Away), it outlines that the loss of a friend is one of life's strangely unacknowledged tragedies.  There isn't a whole self-help section designated to it - and think of how many different life experiences DO have entire self-help sections (wetting the bed, anyone??).   Pet death seems to elicit more sympathy from the general population.  

I, too, find this strange - seeing 1) many people have friendships that have lasted longer than their current romantic relationship and 2) there is almost nothing more universally experienced - we all have friends and we all have most likely lost one.  There's nothing strange about mourning the loss of a romantic relationship that lasted six months, but mourning the loss of a friendship of six years seems to go unspoken.  The book goes on to outline reasons why it might be taboo to discuss the loss of a friend (usually your close friends are either mutual friends and don't want to take sides).  

Now, for me personally, I can think of three people off-hand who fall into the 'lost friend' category in my life.  And with that, I'm not talking people I've lost touch with or just grew apart from but if I ran into them it'd all be well and good and maybe I could even go have coffee with them on some odd occasion and even if not, thinking back to my friendship with them makes me smile.  

I'm talking people who, if they were once my boyfriends, a) it was probably a long, drawn out break-up, b) I probably told them to delete my number at some point, and c) if someone were to bring them up now, my reaction would be similar to Ms. Aniston's when being asked about how she feels toward Brangelina.  

Call it stubbornness or self-respect, or maybe a combination, but I would never reach out to these people.  If they wanted to reach out to me and patch things up, I'd hear 2/3 of them out.  But I know that won't happen.  Whatever.  My life has gone on just fine.  I have been no less happy nor successful.  There have been new friends.  Other friends.  Better friends.  I am perhaps better off without "friends" like them in my life.  However, there have been times I have missed them nonetheless.