Trying to Trend a New Expression

So, as you all know, I am a very avid user of Facebook.

On quite a few occasions, I've seen people like their own status or comment.

I have a term for this.

Facebook masturbation.

You heard it here first.

A Statement that, Nowadays, Holds Meaning....

The other day, I found myself at lunch with a good friend.  I was telling her a story about someone I knew that she didn't know (terribly interesting for her, I'm sure).   I concluded the story with 'I'm not even facebook friends with him!!'

Correct me if I'm wrong, but this is a significant statement about a relationship (or lack thereof).  

You Like?

You know what I find funny?  When I run into an acquaintance with which I have a facebook friendship, and they randomly mention to me 'oh, I liked you facebook status the other day about (...)'

It always makes me wonder 'if you noticed it, and you liked it, well then, why didn't you, well, 'LIKE' it?'  That, and why are you, if you will, 'commenting on my status' in real life?  Why didn't you do it on facebook?  It's not that they didn't like or comment on my status, it's more that they, apparently, wanted to but, for some unknown reason, refrained.  Please, dear facebook friends, don't be shy.  Don't hold back.  I don't bite.  I will like your comments.  Even if I don't officially 'like' them.

Dear fellow facebookers - why are we sometimes like/comment shy?   Dear blog readers - if you are, at all, tempted to comment or like something on this blog some point - PLEASE don't hold back.  Please go with it.   I say this, that is, until I receive some hate mail.  Please hold off on that.  Maybe.  

The Notebook?

So twice today - once while at the beach, the second time while walking down the street, past a coffee shop - I witnessed something:

A person sitting and writing in what looked to be a journal.

I find this interesting.  Was said person seriously journaling?  Do people do this?  I did this when I was in junior high/high school.  It's not that I think is this a juvenile activity, per se.  It is just that there is something unusual, to me, about adults doing this out in public.  What else could they be doing?  I assume if it was something work or academic related, there would be some other books/notes/paperwork spread out, and, more noteworthy, it would be being done on a computer (or some form of electronic device).  I can't imagine, these days, doing any form of writing or work on paper for this reason.  This is mostly because paper doesn't have a backspace key.  Or an easy way to insert an idea.  Or to simply edit something.  How did people possibly write pre-word processor days!?!?!  I guess there must have probably been a lot of committing to one's original ideas and less editing.

I digress.

Is it possible that someone sitting and writing in a notebook is doing something other than journaling?  If so, what?  Does anyone else see these people sitting around, writing in notebooks, or is it just me?  What do you think of these peeps?  What's their deal?  

The Silent Treatment

So, I won't say too much on this matter, however, let's just say, in recent history, on more than one occasion, I have found myself on the receiving end of...dum dum dum...the silent treatment.

I am not going to play innocent here.  I have also been a giver of said treatment.

I was discussing said issue with a coworker today.  She presented a theory.  Much like hatred - usually giving someone the silent treatment causes more hurt and pain to the giver rather than the receiver, mostly because the giver is the one who is more conscious of the act and putting more time, energy, effort, and thought into the situation.   I think I might totally agree with this.

Anyhow.  What are your thoughts?  Is the silent treatment effective?  Does it ever actually accomplish something?  Is it more detrimental to the giver than the receiver?  I'd like to pretend the receiver of said treatment can completely ignore it and brush it off, but realistically speaking, here I am writing said blog on said subject, so I clearly am not succeeding at it completely.  What is the best way to react to said treatment?  What's a better way to handle a situation other than said treatment?   Your thoughts?

Newest Trendy Hipster Silly Thing Organized Drinking Event

Snuggie Barcrawls.

Who has been on one?

Back to School?

So a good amount of 20 somethings I know, at varying degrees of financial success, are thinking about going back to school.  Reason being, for the most part, they don't find their current careers to be exactly fulfilling.

Random observation - most people I know in the 35+ bracket find this to be an amusing '20 something thing' - it's a job, it doesn't have to be perfect or have meaning, it just needs to pay the bills.  The early 20 somethings are being almost hopelessly romantic about their careers; there will never be one to meet their expectations.

Anyhow.

A friend of mine mentioned that one shouldn't go back to school, it's not necessarily the key to getting a good job.  I find this to be an interesting and somewhat accurate point.  Some people end up in lines of work that have nothing to do with their degree/major.  Some lines of work require a very specific background, obviously, but other lines of work provide training specific to the industry that can only be learned through experience, rather than in a classroom.  That then lends itself to the age old question of 'how do I get experience if no one will give me a chance?'  I guess my question is - if there's a 20 something, or anyone, for that matter, who wants to change career paths - what is the best way to go about this?   Is it going back to school?  What are the other viable options?

Your thoughts?

Busy Busy

Carrie Bradshaw to the random businessman who bumps her on the street:
You're so busy...you're SO busy!!!

Is it just me, or does it drive any of my readers nuts when people constantly complain on how incredibly busy they are?  What is this, an epidemic lately?  The reason it bothers me is not I don't believe these people are busy, it's that, newsflash, WE ALL ARE.  In theory, if 'busy' is an acceptable excuse for having not done something, then EVERYONE could use it for EVERYTHING.

That, and people who actually are busy don't need to say it.  You had a baby last week?  Yeah, you're probably busy.  You don't need to explain it.  And THESE people usually don't.  I hate it when you ask someone a simple, reasonable request and they give you a dissertation on everything they've been up to lately - in the amount of time he or she spent making him or herself look/sound important, he or she could have instead performed said task.  That, and some of these 'busy' folks have simply overcommitted themselves.  Not that that's a crime, but again, that was said individual's decision.  Didn't you know what you were getting into when you volunteered for 85 different projects?

That, and this reminds of an episode of Oprah (I know, blush) where they staged interventions on people who were hiding from reality in what seemed to be socially acceptable outlets.  There was a woman who worked 110 hours a week at 3 separate jobs.  She made it out that she was trying to make the extra money to support her family, but according to her husband, they didn't really need it to live comfortably. In reality, she was avoiding her home because she was unhappy in her marriage and constantly arguing with her kids.  Had she chosen to deal with this problem by say, drugs or alcohol, people would have been all over her from the get-go, however, since she was hiding from her life in a 'socially acceptable' outlet, people who knew her looked the other way.  I think this is probably the case of a couple 'constantly super busy' people I know.  Not that they're unhappy with their marriages/kids, but that they're just making themselves busy as a means of avoiding dealing with something.

Sorry for the rant.  I am not really sure where this came from.

Blogs

So I couldn't help but notice, via facebook status/website updates, it appears as though everyone out there is starting a blog. Blogspot. Wordpress. Random urls probably purchased via 'go daddy'. Anyone/everyone and his/her mother has a blog. Is my mother soon going to have a blog?

Some blogs have themes. I'm following a couple cooking blogs. One of my friend's blogs is about his personal wedding photography business. Other friends' blogs are simply (like this blog) their random thoughts.

That, and I feel there's a whole community that goes hand-in-hand with this blogging thing. I feel like I've 'met' new people/made new friends through comment sections on friends' blogs/other friends' 'blogs I'm following' sections.

I suppose there is a use for all these blogs - so many people spend so much time at a computer daily, they are all looking for something new to read/distract them from what they are supposed to be doing. However, I can't help but feel a little frustrated. I don't need all these new blogs taking away from time on mine.

Anyhow. I remember reading a statistic a couple years ago that 50% of blogs out there would not be in existence six months from now. I wonder if this still applies. I know, firsthand, that a blog is a responsibility, and not always an easy one. My blog is coming up on its second birthday (sidenote: what should I get it?!?!). How long does the average blog last? Is this just a crazy trend that will be gone shortly, or are the blogs out there continuously multiplying? Those of you with blogs - how long have you had them? How often to you update them? How long do you plan on keep them for? Indefinitely? How many blogs do you readers follow? How many is too many? Will people soon burnout on blogs, or will this bring more people to them? Your thoughts?

Random Observation

Ok, I know like five people who are pregnant right now. Jokes aside - why now? Is there a specific time it's right now, as opposed to six months ago, or six months from now? I believe all of these pregnancies are right around the second trimester. I found out about three of them on facebook. Do you ever notice this goes in spurts? I will notice tons of pregnant women, then nothing for a while. I suppose the only response to this question would be a bunch of semi-lewd jokes. So maybe I'm not asking anything right now.

Yet Another Facebook Observation....

Has it ever happened to you that, once in a while, someone you haven't seen or talked to in forever adds you as a friend on facebook?  Only, the catch is, both you and this person have been on facebook for a good amount of time; you've noticed their profile before and you know they've noticed your profile and subsequently passed it over in the past  (that past/passed is for YOU, Emily).  

This has happened to me a couple times lately.  What made said individual decide this time, out of the blue, to add me?  It wasn't strange that they added me, but rather that they decided to do so at this very moment.  I can't help but wonder - were they in a staredown with my profile and they happened to break first?  (Don't question my networking site willpower!)

However, I do believe I have answered my own question - today, after having been stranded in my apartment because of this ridiculously cold weather, I decided to go through facebook and do a very thorough friending.  People I knew, mostly from high school and some from college - they all got a request.   Knock on wood - I should have a good 25 new friends in the next couple days.

It's not necessarily that I am looking to get back in touch with these people, but moreso because I am nosy to see what they are up to.  I really hope they all come over from the link to my blog in my facebook profile and read this post.  I can't help but secretly think, though, that these others who added me were wondering the same thing about me.  I can only hope my fabulous life does not inspire too much envy....

Scary Thought

So, something I recently noticed on facebook got me thinking....I have now passed the four year anniversary of being a college graduate (December 15, 2004).  AHHH!  Crazy!  I have been an "adult" in the "real world" for FOUR YEARS (I started my first 'real job' February 5, 2004).   (Yes, I do have an odd ability to remember dates and an unhealthy love for parenthetical asides.)  

It's weird to think of all that this means - I have not done homework, studied for or taken a final, or worked at Chili's in four years.  I have now been out of college for longer than I was in it.  It's a bit hard for me to wrap my head around at this moment.  I need some time and space to take this all in.  I'll be back. 

Have You Ever Noticed?

There's something empowering about being disliked by someone.  Now, I'm not talking about your boss of your boyfriend's mom (that's not good).   I'm not talking about the girl you stole the boyfriend of (that's expected).   I'm talking about when you discover a completely random, unexpected person hates you for no particular reason.

Now, don't get me wrong - it's not that I rejoice in this.  However, a person has to CARE to not like you.  

It's especially interesting when it involves someone you don't necessarily see regularly.  Surely, it's easy to be bothered by the regular annoying qualities of a coworker or a classmate.  However, to carry a dislike for someone who is no longer a part of your life seems to be reserved for those who've committed only a handful of serious offenses against you.  

Although there were plenty of people from both high school and college who I didn't exactly like at the time being, I can honestly say I can't think of anyone I actively dislike from either place (and I am still looking for someone who will describe me as 'forgiving').   Anyone who wasn't to my liking is no longer in my life at this point, and the people who aren't in my life aren't worth the energy for the most point.

However, once in a while, we'll all come along a little nougat of info that someone we haven't seen/talked to/even thought of in forever REALLY DOESN'T LIKE US.  There's some satisfaction in knowing that we must, on some level, albeit negatively, matter to that person.  

As I'm  sure you've inferred, this has happened to me recently.  Of course, despite what I've mentioned above, this situation is of course clouded by the ever-persistent human question - "why?"   

Funny Stuff?

So a friend of mine recently brought up the point that she'd read somewhere - that guys are intimidated by funny women (kind of in the same sense that they are intimidated by women who make more money than them).  A lot of men will say a 'great sense of humor' is very important to them in the woman they date, but they really mean they want someone who will laugh at their jokes, as opposed to make them laugh.  

I kind of think this is true - not across the board with every guy but generally speaking.  I know there have been some guys I knew briefly who found me to 'not have a sense of humor' (because I didn't find them all that funny and didn't pretend to).  In reality, I think I have a pretty great one.   Also, I tend to be the kind of person who thinks I'm funny and I'm typically the type to be making the jokes - maybe this is one of those 'opposites attract' kind of things - two people who think they're funny don't jive because they are battling for the stage.  

Also, I regularly notice articles and studies saying women want a man who can 'make them laugh' - listing this quality as one of the most important ones a woman looks for in a mate.  For me personally, although of course it is important to find someone who I can laugh and enjoy myself with, I certainly couldn't say I'm specifically looking for 'someone who can make me laugh' - I couldn't even put that quality in my top ten.  

Anyhow, I guess, in short (well, at this point, can I even say that?), my question is this - do many guys pride themselves on being able to make the women in their lives laugh?  Are men intimidated by sarcastic women?  Do sarcastic women need to be with men who don't pride themselves on their ability to make a woman laugh?  

All I know is this - I am sarcastic and like to crack jokes (regardless of whether or not people find me funny at times), and I am not changing for anyone.  I am a feminist - I am not going to pretend to be some weak girl who is going to fawn over and fake laugh at some guy who thinks he is funny.  I have a sense of humor, but I don't humor the men who try to date me.  (However, as stated earlier - I don't really take into consideration whether or not a guy can make me laugh - the quality is not all that important to me.)

Thoughts?

Is Anyone Self-Proclaimed 'Corporate Material'?

So, I'm reading a book called "Slackonomics" which lists a lot of observations about "Generation X".  There's an entire chapter dedicated to the fact that many young adults, throughout the late '80s to the present, have declared themselves "not the 'Corporate America' type".

I find this amusing because almost EVERY FRIEND I have has declared him or herself as such!  I  have quite a few friends who have gone back to grad school to get out of Corporate America and into the school system or some other 'non-corporate' field of work.  Aside from them, I have a lot of friends who are working corporate jobs and feel 'misplaced'.  

Here is my question - is anyone out there 'the Corporate America' type?  Or, more simply, does anyone consider him or herself 'Corporate America material'?  Also, realistically speaking, there are however many corporate careers and there are only so many non-corporate jobs out there - someone's going to need to do the corporate jobs and some of the 'non-corporate' people are going to be out of work (or forced into Corporate America, which some people might say is what is happening now).  

Also, what, exactly, do these people define Corporate America as?  Is it every job outside of self-employment, the arts or the educational system?   Is it really the nature of corporate jobs, or is it just some stigma associated with them (being stuck in a cubicle dead-end job under florescent lighting doing the same monotonous tasks without any creativity)?   

Another point the author brought up was back in the late '80s and early '90s, people did things that went against the mainstream and called it 'alternative'.  Soon alternative became the norm.  Will Corporate America become the alternative career choice?  (and possibly become more appealing in the process?)  What are your thoughts?

Something I Don't Understand....

Breaking up with someone and continuing to sleep with him/her.  

I have MANY friends who have engaged in said activity (I will provide anonymity to protect the guilty).  I know many coworkers, acquaintances, etc., who have done this as well.  It seems to be SURGING in popularity lately.  

WHY?

Ok, I get the two obvious reasons:  1)  horniness and 2)  familiarity along with a promise of some knowledge of this individual's sexual past.  

HOWEVER.  

You broke up with this person (or he or she dumped you) for a REASON.  Although being friends with, not having hard feelings toward, or still talking to this person are all acceptable and even respectable, how is still sleeping with him or her helping either of you move forward? 

My feelings on the matter have always been well summed up by this quote:  having sex with an ex is like getting fired from a job and going back to work for free (or, I suppose, firing an employee but still paying him).  

And don't even get me started on those who then go on to say 'well, we're still talking, we're trying to work it out....'  Umm, you're broken up.  Both of you wouldn't have gone through the break-up if one of you wasn't sure there was a good enough reason to do so.  

To me, saying one is dating someone isn't like being engaged - it's really not that big of a title/label.  If whatever two people have isn't strong enough to handle the 'boyfriend/girlfriend' status - it must be pretty weak and not going anywhere.  If two people really are 'working things out' - can't they do that and get back together first?  I think this is just a weak copout when two people know they aren't meant to be but haven't found a new sexual partner yet.

I know a lot of people are going to say I'm just being cynical or I'm over-simplifying things, relationships are complicated, blah blah.  However, as I see it, nothing complicates things like sleeping with someone.  If two people are really crazy about each other and meant to get back together - they will with or without the sex.  

Also, not to be all philosophical, but we all probably want to be in a successful relationship with someone we really like who is really great (etc. etc.).  How is backsliding to someone who wasn't good enough (or worse yet, thought YOU weren't good enough) helping advance that cause?  

Anyhow, I guess my point is this - when two exes continue to sleep together, although it might seem like a good idea at the time, it really isn't benefiting anyone in the long run and someone is most likely just getting used.  I think most backsliders are better off ripping the bandaid and buying a vibrator.  Just my thoughts.  

Sorry, I realize this post was 'judgy'.   Please be advised I am not judging others for being weak - I am only trying to call a spade a spade.  

Guestless in Chicago

So, over the past couple years, I've gotten invited to weddings without (what I thought was) the requisite "and guest".  I've got one of said weddings coming up in two weeks.  

It's a family wedding, so I wouldn't bring a guest anyway, unless I was in a relationship - it's not like I won't know anyone there, and it'd be a bit intense to bring a casual date to sit with my parents, aunts, uncles, and cousins.  

Now, don't get me wrong - I get that weddings are uber-expensive.  I get that this is a 'cost cutting' measure.

However, I have to wave a flag here - the flag of 'singles discrimination'.  It's very rare that married couples, or people in long-term relationships, get the guest snub when getting invited to weddings.  Even if the bride and groom have both never met a friend's spouse, he or she automatically gets an invite extended - however, someone like me can't bring a 'stranger'?!

I kind of think it's crap - namely, because, in my mind, the purpose of the guest is so that the attendees will have someone to talk if he or she doesn't know many people who are going to be at the wedding.   I have some friends who purposely didn't go to a wedding because they wouldn't know anyone there.  I am not sure I'm feeling this new 'no guest' movement.

However, very recently, I was informed that I am on the a-list for a VERY a-list event.  I got mail!  Namely, I got an invite to MEG RYAN's wedding!  

Of course, someone like Meg Ryan definitely extended me a guest.  And you know what?  I am going to show her my appreciation for that by NOT bringing one.  :)  

Love and Marriage

So, my good friend Matt and I have been having some back-and-forth blogging on the subject of marriage and dating.  Although I don't agree with all of his points, I thought he had a very interesting one:  

Marriage is a lot more than a piece of paper, double income and easily accessible sex. Our culture has just tried to dilute it down to that.

Interesting point, Matthew (who, for the record, is married).

This raises quite a few questions in my mind - what are the pros of being married (as opposed to living with someone or being in a serious relationship - not as opposed to being single)?  Have we lost sight of these pros?  Do these pros outweigh the potential cons of being married?

I'll try to weigh in my opinions...after I get some feedback.  :)

Dating, Part Deux?

Ok, so since I last blogged about dating, one of the ads that showed up on the bottom of my site read:

plentyoffish.com

We delete members unfit to date!

Now, praytell, what makes one 'unfit to date'?  Don't get me wrong, I know what makes one unfit to date (controlling, still in love with an ex, commitment phobic, selfish, sadistic, immature, stop me before I go on forever).   

Now, someone with more experience than me feel free to correct me if I'm wrong, I don't have any experience with dating sites (and I'm not saying this to try to sound cool) - but is there anything one could say about oneself in a self-created dating profile that would indicate one is 'undateable'?   What, in their book, red-flags someone?  I can only assume one wouldn't describe oneself as immature, selfish, etc. 

I guess what amuses me most - maybe this site is trying to publicize itself as having a high quality of people on it - however, I do think this campaign might hurt it a little.   I think some people who have turned to online dating like not having a to deal with facing rejection.  Or, at least the sting of rejection is somewhat subdued seeing that it happens in cyberspace.  

I would think one who seriously fears rejection would be afraid of trying said site.   How bad would it feel to be rejected by a dating site?   It's not that one person doesn't want to date you, the entire dating community doesn't want to have you!

Conversely - I think the commercials for the chemistry.com website, which spoke about how they don't reject anyone but eharmony sent these seemingly normal, attractive, successful people "Dear John" letters, really hit the nail on the head for those who fear rejection.   I guess though, sites like these that don't reject anyone can boast they are carrying any and every weirdo out there.  

Thoughts?

Dating

So, now, is it just me, or isn't dating one of the most awkward things out there?  Aren't first dates just the worst? Now, I'm not saying that I don't like dating.  It's fine once things get comfortable.  It's a necessary evil to finding happiness.  However - a friend of mine and I were discussing some dilemmas.

What if, on a first date, one is to see a movie?   A BAD movie.... Afterwards, there's always some compulsion to talk about the movie.  What's one to say?  Especially if the other person either treated for the movie or merely suggested the movie...does it look ungrateful to say "that was the WORST movie I've ever seen!"  Does it sound like one is having a bad time?  I would think, then, the inviter would feel awkwardly guilty.  He or she might feel compelled to apologize, even though, hopefully, it was completely unintentional.  Come to think of it, I can think of a couple movies that I'd like show to some of my worst enemies while they are tied down in a room alone in front of a tv.  

However, if one hates the movie, but, to seem nice and grateful and pleasant, says "it was pretty good" - it might come off as though this person has bad taste in movies.  If I were to see a God-awful movie with someone I don't know all that well and he were to say he liked it - I'd definitely think 'no way.  there's no way I can put of with this for the next however many years of my life'.  Also, if both parties hate the movie - then there's something to bond about - similar taste - however, there are risks of coming off a certain way if one is too honest.  Is it better to be honest and seem like a jerk with good taste, or to be a nice person with bad taste?   Which kind of person is worse to date?

I know some people will simply say a movie is not a good choice for a first date (you don't get to talk much to actually get to know each other).  However, I kind of think the same goes for other kinds of dates - like if you go out for a dinner and it ends up that you don't like what you ordered (or don't like the restaurant).  If you choke it down and say it's good - you run the risk of "I know!! I LOVE this place.  I come here all the time - let's come back next week!!"  What does one do?  Should she (or he) be blatantly honest?

Sigh.