Another Reason I Need a Break From Online Dating

In case anyone was curious - I did not reply. I'm curious why he assumes I am not used to intellectual conversation....

One Reason I Need a Break From Online Dating

Yes, I replied.  I was curious to see if he'd up and give me his address (seeing he doesn't know me and I could possibly be a robber/'catfish').  He began to ask some questions to see if I was a 'serious inquiry'.  I got bored & blocked.

On A Hetox/Guyatus

Yep, you read that right.  For the past couple years, I've done/tried it all.  Speed-dating. Set up blind-dates. Match. E-harm. OKCupid. Tinder.  I grimace as I write out this list. 

It's not that I haven't found Mr. Right (well, I haven't, but that's beside the point).  It's just that, in the words of my girl, Taylor Swift 'I just, I mean, this is exhausting'. 

The e-mails.  The awkward conversations with strangers.  The texting.  The creepers.  I just don't have time.  Or rather, I just don't care to do this with my time.  I keep busy with work.  I have a good amount of good friends & family I try to keep in touch with.  I take dance class.  I work out.  I am in the process of attempting to learn coding.  I'm trying to read more.  I'm struggling to keep up this blog.  You get the drift. 

That, and, not to pick on online dating especially (which I really truly think there is nothing wrong with, and I know several great couples, some married/engaged, who started with a wink) - but oh goodness, it's a headache and a half some times.  There's the guys who write long, detailed, five paragraph essay emails.  There's the guys who write emails for weeks but don't make any attempt to ask me out.  There's the guys who write emails blatantly looking for a casual sexual relationship (even when I specified in my profile I was not open to said idea). There's the blatant control+copy+paste emails.  There's the 'this isn't in a foreign language, but it isn't quite English, either' emails.  And all the while, I can't help but think that there's a college friend I owe an email to, and here I am sorting through this crap instead.  

Back in my college days/early twenties, I hadn't gone on nearly as many dates as I have over the past couple years (grimace again), but all the guys that were asking me out or taking me out on dates appeared to really be interested in me.  The ones who kept calling, well, I knew they liked me.  Maybe it was because they met me prior to the first date in some way or another, maybe it was because there wasn't a seemingly large mass pool of potential singles as one's fingertips, but I feel nowadays it seems like there will be guys that ask me out and continue to talk to me, but I cannot make heads or tails of whether or not they are into me.  Perhaps they are casting a wide net.  Or keeping their options open.  I dunno.  What I do know, though, is that in all seriousness, I question if I could successfully notice a great guy trying to get my attention amongst all this white noise.

Something in me snapped the other day.  It must have been the 8th coupon in a row to reactivate e-harm.  I promptly went on an deleted my profile (which, another can of worms, and perhaps a blog topic - was not easy to do!).  Next - match - gone!  Tinder - deleted.  Okcupid - still there (because filling out all the questions was an extensive process), but I won't be checking it, except for material for this blog.

Don't get me wrong - I'm not anti-dating right now, I am just not doing anything that would constitute 'trying to meet someone'.  If I happen to stumble upon a great guy and he asks me out in some way, I will go.  But no dating sites, no blind dates - nothing that requires, well, time or effort.

That, and the other day, a friend made a good point.  We were discussing another friend who is dating a good guy (and it seems to be getting more serious).  Prior to dating this guy, said friend had a not-as-great relationship.  My other friend mentioned to her not to put up with it because "once you meet the right guy, things will be easy".  I wholly agree with this sentiment.

Responding to Facebook Birthday Greetings

I have a curious question that I feel is quite relevant in this day & age - what is the proper protocol for responding to a facebook birthday greeting?

In my personal opinion, I prefer a big, general 'thanks everyone for the birthday wishes' status, at some point the day of or a couple days after said blessed event.  Yes, it's impersonal, but so is a facebook birthday greeting.  Let's be honest here.

I've notice that responding to/acknowledging each individual birthday greeting has become the common practice.  Although I appreciate the sentiment, I must wonder - is this really necessary?  I wasn't thinking too much about the facebook birthday greeting I extended.  It wasn't a $200 wedding gift.  A mere 30 seconds after it happened, I forgot about it.  I wasn't worried that it got lost in the mail or that it, in some way, wasn't received.

Some people choose to 'like' the greeting.  Some comment 'thank you'.  Some do both.  Some comment 'thank you, Jaime' and tag me in the thank you note.  Notifications up the wazoo.  Too much.  Tooooo much.

It's not that I have a problem with people being polite and going the extra mile to show something was appreciated, it's just that, well, as an avid facebook poster like myself, when I see I got a notification or two, I can't help but feel a little bit of a letdown when I see that it's my high school chem lab partner liked my birthday greeting.

What are your thoughts on responding to facebook birthday greetings?  Do you do one mass response? An individual one for each?  Has anyone out there been offended that his/her 'hbd' was not individually acknowledged?  Anyone touched that someone really went the extra mile to Like/Comment "Thank you so much (your name tagged here) for telling me happy birthday - really appreciate it!"

Your thoughts?

Bickering on the Internet

So as all my readers know - I occasionally do some online dating.  As I might have mentioned at one point or another - in my 'OKCupid' profile, I have a line about only contacting me if you can form a coherent sentence.  I can tell you, it might be pointless for me to have this request in my profile, because it clearly is not granted.  I've gotten feedback from a couple guys who have said a lot of women have a similar line in their profiles.

A little bit ago, I got this message.

Disclaimer:  It appears this user has deactivated his profile, so I don't have to blur all out his picture/user name.  Not that I would have done that, necessarily.  I probably would have completely and totally disrespected his privacy.  Whatevs.  Lucky for him.

Now, aside from the following:

--Yes, I do know Einstein's theory of relativity

--Even if I didn't, there's time to google it and then respond and pretend I do

--There's a big difference in knowing Einstein's theory of relativity and being able to form a sentence

I was tempted to respond with one of the above, but I didn't.  I can't help but wonder....  He clearly is put off.  Is he looking for a response?  Clearly, he must be.  Is this his way of flirting?  I'm assuming that's a negative.  However, we're on a dating network - the reason for contacting someone should, in theory, be with the purpose of starting something that could lead toward dating. So then, what, praytell, is the point?  If he saw my profile and felt annoyed by something I wrote in it, why not just ignore it and move on to the next?

This brings me to the next question - why are there so many people out there who seem to enjoy starting fights with strangers on the internet?  I see it all the time in the comments sections on any articles.  Or, on random statuses on Facebook.  In fact, I sometimes see it on this blog!  Is it that they're sad and lonely and just looking for some kind of interaction with some emotion behind it?  Or is it just natural instinct for some to bicker and it's now been moved to the internet, since that's where communication takes place these days?  Do you enjoy a spirited debate online?  Your thoughts?

The Children Conundrum

So one of my good friends recently had an adorable baby boy.  I love him already.  Growing up, said good friend would often refer to her 'aunts' and 'cousins' who really happened to be close family friends of her mom who, for that reason, had been a part of her life growing up.  My other friends and I always thought this was funny - we just didn't see it that way.  However, I'm happy she does, because now this means her adorable son Nathan is my nephew.

This brings me to a bit of a quandary....  I'm 30 years old; several of my good friends are pregnant right now; some others already have kids.  There are those who definitely want kids, but are still looking for Mr. Right.  Then there are those who know they definitely don't want kids.

And then there's me.  I fall into a big gray area.  I still don't know if I want them or not.  I'm 30 years old.  Should I know at this point?  I remember, when a friend of mine and I were looking through men's profiles on match.com, she mentioned if men were of a certain age and were "not sure" if they wanted kids, it was a red flag.

This begs an important question - at what point in one's life should one know if he or she wants children?  At what point does one need to figure it out?  A small part of me feels like if my goal was having kids, my focus and some of my choices would be different right now.  Should I know if I want kids by now?  If it hasn't hit me yet, is it never going to hit me?  Or, as I slightly worry, is it going to hit me one day when it'll be too late?  I've heard about a lot of women in my age range freezing their eggs based on this exact fear.  Your thoughts?

Polka Dot....

Lately I've been obsessed with polka dots - not sure why.  Anyhow, I couldn't pass these up.  I'm not sure what I'm going to wear them with, but needless to say, I purchased them anyway.  

So I Ran A Race....

Yep, you read that correctly.

Let me backtrack.  So my company signed up for the Chase Corporate Challenge, which is a 3.5 mile race.  Of course, we were all encouraged, but not obligated, to participate.  I could have easily said no.  But so many others were doing it, including friends of mine who work for other companies.  Ah, peer pressure.

Anyhow.  On one hand, I like to think I'm in pretty decent shape and live an active lifestyle, but something about being good at running has always eluded me.  Now, granted, for this race, all that was required was participating, but a small part of me secretly wanted to do well.  I'm not sure why.  I was convinced, in my mind, with a little discipline & consistentcy, I could do decently.

So, in short - I made a point of running at least twice a week - somewhere between 2-5 miles.  I didn't really concentrate on speed at all; I just tried my best to run the entire time.  The first couple runs were rough; after that, I quickly got in a habit and was able to get on a pace and stay on it comfortably.

Come race day, I achieved my goal.  I finished the 3.5 miles in 34:48, with a pace of 9:57/mile.  I finished in the middle of the pack of my coworkers (and, most likely, somewhere around the middle amongst all the participants).  Most importantly, I ran the entire time and felt good (not close to death) at the end of it.

What I took away from this (in lieu of some cheesy comment along the lines of 'you can do anything you put your mind to') - it felt good to be working towards a goal.  Now, don't get me wrong, I have plenty of things in my life that are a challenge for me (my job, dance class, maintaining this blog, etc.) however, sometimes it feels really good to be working towards one specific goal (and then accomplishing it).  I think, in adulthood, after we're out of school, it's easy to get caught up in the day-to-day and not be working towards 'something' specifically.

I think I will write some goals for myself.  How about you, readers?  Do you have specific goals you are working toward?

National Best Friend Day

Apparently, recently, it was national best friend day.

Instead of making some sweet, sentimental comment about friendship, how great my friends are (they are!), or how much they mean to me (they do!) - let me ask this:  what's with the emergence of all these randomass holidays?  Is the marketing team at Hallmark working overtime?  Are there more Leslie Knopes out there than we realized?

Does anyone actually observe these holidays?  I'm not talking observe in a cheesy-facebook-post-style celebration - I'm talking buys cards/flowers/gifts etc.  I'm secretly hoping not.  Let's not be suckers, fellow consumers.  Unless, of course, anyone wants to shower me with some presents.  That's a whole 'nother story, dear FRIENDS, especially on a day like this.  Nudge nudge.  Wink wink.

Readers Are Leaders?

The other day, I came to a sad, scary realization.

I don't read much any more.  I'm not sure when, exactly, this happened.  Back when I was a child, I loved to read.  At one point, I read around a book a day (granted, junior high reading level books, but still).  I think it might have initially dropped off back in high school, or maybe college (because I had a lot of required reading then, so I wouldn't pick up a book for fun, because I would think of what I should be reading instead).

However, in the early days of adulthood, I picked it back up a little, where I probably got in one book a month.  I used to read pretty regularly on the train at one point.  However, as of lately, I've been (shamefully) playing on my smartphone and working from home a lot, so my train reading time has been cut down.  Right now I'd pull out the excuse of 'I've been so busy', but a) I really hate it when people say that, b) ultimately, we always make time for our priorities, and c) in spite of my busyness, there's probably plenty of random crap I waste my time on.

Anyhow, as I sat down with a good magazine about a week ago, I came to another scary realization.  I'm out of 'reading shape'.  Now, don't get me wrong - it's not as if I COULDN'T read, it's that I had trouble getting into it, my mind quickly wandered, etc.  I figured this was kind of like running - people who do it regularly enjoy it, but people who do not struggle with it because they're not conditioned for it, if you will.  This could partially be why, when I have downtime, I don't typically reach for a book or magazine.

I could throw in the towel here and accept being a non-reader, but a) I have a lot of good books left on my shelf that need to be read and b) I don't like that idea.  So, I'm making a conscious effort to get back into reading.  I've made a goal to read for half an hour every day.  The first couple times were a little awkward (like the first couple training runs I went on), but I think I've found my groove and I'm generally enjoying it once again.  This makes me think of the potential comparison of how, over time, we can fall out of love with things for which we once cared deeply.  Reading and I have, metaphorically speaking, grown apart.  However, I'm honestly surprised at how quickly my love for it is coming back.

Does anyone else out there notice he or she has 'grown apart' from reading (especially with the presence of things like smartphones/ipads/facebook/etc.)?  Is anyone else perturbed and trying to make a conscious effort to 'get it back'?

That One Friend

This is so totally me.  Blush.  The horror.

I'd like to echo the sentiment of someone who commented in the thread - I don't know how a relationship status whether one could give good advice or not.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Whatcha Eatin?

I'm posting this because it's hilarious, even though I'm one of the biggest offenders:

Why have we started doing this?  Is this like when someone posts on facebook 'omg, I love my bf soooo much' - like they're trying to prove a point?  What point are we trying to make?  That we're well-fed?