Bickering on the Internet

So as all my readers know - I occasionally do some online dating.  As I might have mentioned at one point or another - in my 'OKCupid' profile, I have a line about only contacting me if you can form a coherent sentence.  I can tell you, it might be pointless for me to have this request in my profile, because it clearly is not granted.  I've gotten feedback from a couple guys who have said a lot of women have a similar line in their profiles.

A little bit ago, I got this message.

Disclaimer:  It appears this user has deactivated his profile, so I don't have to blur all out his picture/user name.  Not that I would have done that, necessarily.  I probably would have completely and totally disrespected his privacy.  Whatevs.  Lucky for him.

Now, aside from the following:

--Yes, I do know Einstein's theory of relativity

--Even if I didn't, there's time to google it and then respond and pretend I do

--There's a big difference in knowing Einstein's theory of relativity and being able to form a sentence

I was tempted to respond with one of the above, but I didn't.  I can't help but wonder....  He clearly is put off.  Is he looking for a response?  Clearly, he must be.  Is this his way of flirting?  I'm assuming that's a negative.  However, we're on a dating network - the reason for contacting someone should, in theory, be with the purpose of starting something that could lead toward dating. So then, what, praytell, is the point?  If he saw my profile and felt annoyed by something I wrote in it, why not just ignore it and move on to the next?

This brings me to the next question - why are there so many people out there who seem to enjoy starting fights with strangers on the internet?  I see it all the time in the comments sections on any articles.  Or, on random statuses on Facebook.  In fact, I sometimes see it on this blog!  Is it that they're sad and lonely and just looking for some kind of interaction with some emotion behind it?  Or is it just natural instinct for some to bicker and it's now been moved to the internet, since that's where communication takes place these days?  Do you enjoy a spirited debate online?  Your thoughts?

The Children Conundrum

So one of my good friends recently had an adorable baby boy.  I love him already.  Growing up, said good friend would often refer to her 'aunts' and 'cousins' who really happened to be close family friends of her mom who, for that reason, had been a part of her life growing up.  My other friends and I always thought this was funny - we just didn't see it that way.  However, I'm happy she does, because now this means her adorable son Nathan is my nephew.

This brings me to a bit of a quandary....  I'm 30 years old; several of my good friends are pregnant right now; some others already have kids.  There are those who definitely want kids, but are still looking for Mr. Right.  Then there are those who know they definitely don't want kids.

And then there's me.  I fall into a big gray area.  I still don't know if I want them or not.  I'm 30 years old.  Should I know at this point?  I remember, when a friend of mine and I were looking through men's profiles on match.com, she mentioned if men were of a certain age and were "not sure" if they wanted kids, it was a red flag.

This begs an important question - at what point in one's life should one know if he or she wants children?  At what point does one need to figure it out?  A small part of me feels like if my goal was having kids, my focus and some of my choices would be different right now.  Should I know if I want kids by now?  If it hasn't hit me yet, is it never going to hit me?  Or, as I slightly worry, is it going to hit me one day when it'll be too late?  I've heard about a lot of women in my age range freezing their eggs based on this exact fear.  Your thoughts?

Polka Dot....

Lately I've been obsessed with polka dots - not sure why.  Anyhow, I couldn't pass these up.  I'm not sure what I'm going to wear them with, but needless to say, I purchased them anyway.  

So I Ran A Race....

Yep, you read that correctly.

Let me backtrack.  So my company signed up for the Chase Corporate Challenge, which is a 3.5 mile race.  Of course, we were all encouraged, but not obligated, to participate.  I could have easily said no.  But so many others were doing it, including friends of mine who work for other companies.  Ah, peer pressure.

Anyhow.  On one hand, I like to think I'm in pretty decent shape and live an active lifestyle, but something about being good at running has always eluded me.  Now, granted, for this race, all that was required was participating, but a small part of me secretly wanted to do well.  I'm not sure why.  I was convinced, in my mind, with a little discipline & consistentcy, I could do decently.

So, in short - I made a point of running at least twice a week - somewhere between 2-5 miles.  I didn't really concentrate on speed at all; I just tried my best to run the entire time.  The first couple runs were rough; after that, I quickly got in a habit and was able to get on a pace and stay on it comfortably.

Come race day, I achieved my goal.  I finished the 3.5 miles in 34:48, with a pace of 9:57/mile.  I finished in the middle of the pack of my coworkers (and, most likely, somewhere around the middle amongst all the participants).  Most importantly, I ran the entire time and felt good (not close to death) at the end of it.

What I took away from this (in lieu of some cheesy comment along the lines of 'you can do anything you put your mind to') - it felt good to be working towards a goal.  Now, don't get me wrong, I have plenty of things in my life that are a challenge for me (my job, dance class, maintaining this blog, etc.) however, sometimes it feels really good to be working towards one specific goal (and then accomplishing it).  I think, in adulthood, after we're out of school, it's easy to get caught up in the day-to-day and not be working towards 'something' specifically.

I think I will write some goals for myself.  How about you, readers?  Do you have specific goals you are working toward?

National Best Friend Day

Apparently, recently, it was national best friend day.

Instead of making some sweet, sentimental comment about friendship, how great my friends are (they are!), or how much they mean to me (they do!) - let me ask this:  what's with the emergence of all these randomass holidays?  Is the marketing team at Hallmark working overtime?  Are there more Leslie Knopes out there than we realized?

Does anyone actually observe these holidays?  I'm not talking observe in a cheesy-facebook-post-style celebration - I'm talking buys cards/flowers/gifts etc.  I'm secretly hoping not.  Let's not be suckers, fellow consumers.  Unless, of course, anyone wants to shower me with some presents.  That's a whole 'nother story, dear FRIENDS, especially on a day like this.  Nudge nudge.  Wink wink.

Readers Are Leaders?

The other day, I came to a sad, scary realization.

I don't read much any more.  I'm not sure when, exactly, this happened.  Back when I was a child, I loved to read.  At one point, I read around a book a day (granted, junior high reading level books, but still).  I think it might have initially dropped off back in high school, or maybe college (because I had a lot of required reading then, so I wouldn't pick up a book for fun, because I would think of what I should be reading instead).

However, in the early days of adulthood, I picked it back up a little, where I probably got in one book a month.  I used to read pretty regularly on the train at one point.  However, as of lately, I've been (shamefully) playing on my smartphone and working from home a lot, so my train reading time has been cut down.  Right now I'd pull out the excuse of 'I've been so busy', but a) I really hate it when people say that, b) ultimately, we always make time for our priorities, and c) in spite of my busyness, there's probably plenty of random crap I waste my time on.

Anyhow, as I sat down with a good magazine about a week ago, I came to another scary realization.  I'm out of 'reading shape'.  Now, don't get me wrong - it's not as if I COULDN'T read, it's that I had trouble getting into it, my mind quickly wandered, etc.  I figured this was kind of like running - people who do it regularly enjoy it, but people who do not struggle with it because they're not conditioned for it, if you will.  This could partially be why, when I have downtime, I don't typically reach for a book or magazine.

I could throw in the towel here and accept being a non-reader, but a) I have a lot of good books left on my shelf that need to be read and b) I don't like that idea.  So, I'm making a conscious effort to get back into reading.  I've made a goal to read for half an hour every day.  The first couple times were a little awkward (like the first couple training runs I went on), but I think I've found my groove and I'm generally enjoying it once again.  This makes me think of the potential comparison of how, over time, we can fall out of love with things for which we once cared deeply.  Reading and I have, metaphorically speaking, grown apart.  However, I'm honestly surprised at how quickly my love for it is coming back.

Does anyone else out there notice he or she has 'grown apart' from reading (especially with the presence of things like smartphones/ipads/facebook/etc.)?  Is anyone else perturbed and trying to make a conscious effort to 'get it back'?

That One Friend

This is so totally me.  Blush.  The horror.

I'd like to echo the sentiment of someone who commented in the thread - I don't know how a relationship status whether one could give good advice or not.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Whatcha Eatin?

I'm posting this because it's hilarious, even though I'm one of the biggest offenders:

Why have we started doing this?  Is this like when someone posts on facebook 'omg, I love my bf soooo much' - like they're trying to prove a point?  What point are we trying to make?  That we're well-fed?  

A Slip of the Lip....

Recently, I bought a cute dress online at a little store I've discovered called the little red dress boutique.  I've found that shopping online for clothing can be difficult for two reasons: a) things don't always fit as cute as they look like they will, and a cute fit is half the value and b) sometimes, no matter how accurately the store tries to portray its clothing, things don't always look exactly as one would expect.

Anyhow.  I took a risk and bought the green dress.  I've had positive experiences with this store and its quality/customer service in the past, and the price was pretty good.  I was only slightly worried about the issues I mentioned above.

Well, I received said dress.  It looked great when I pulled it out of the box.  However, I immediately noticed a problem....  It is virtually see-through.  In the dress/store's defense, it was advertised as 'unlined'.  However, I didn't realize it would be this riske.

I was then faced at a crossroads.  What do I do?  Do I return it?  I feel returns can be difficult with online orders (unless you're dealing with zappos) - although I don't know red dress's return policy offhand, I know often times you lose something (shipping, return shipping, etc.).  That and I HATE making returns.  I am not sure why.  But I really really do.  I may have simply reached capacity on returns during my childhood (thanks Mom).

I started digging in my underwear drawer, looking for the perfect nude pair.  I stumbled upon something I hadn't seen in a very long time and didn't know I still had.  Ladies and gentlemen, drumroll please....

A slip.

Yes, a slip.  Do they still make slips?  I know this slip was (eeeek) at least 10 years old, dating back to my college sorority days when I had to buy a white dress for initiation.  Have slips gone out like pantyhose?  I might be inclined to believe so.

Anyhow - I tried it on underneath the dress. Viola!  Perfect.  The dress looked great, the slip was completely unnoticeable, I just felt like I was harboring a dirty secret (better or worse than spanx?  don't answer that).

Is it still acceptable to wear a slip?  Is it acceptable for anyone under the age of 65 to wear a slip?  How do my other girls out there handle it when a dress is sheer?

Skirt or Belt?

I, very officially, feel like an old person on this one.  I'm one step away from yelling at kids to stay off my lawn and turn the music down.

That being said - I was shopping this weekend.  I went into Abercrombie (yes, I know).  I was curious what they carry these days.  I saw the above.  

It's a skirt.  I, too, was a little confused.  Now, I'm not necessarily all about dressing modestly.  I'm not bothered by teenage girls in half-tops or short shorts.  However, this, in my mind, is a step across the line.  And, if the person wearing this isn't a teenager - well that's even worse!  

But serious now.  How does one wear this?   How does one, ahem, bend over (even slightly)?  It literally looks like a belt?

I'd like to think fashion wasn't so bad when I was younger.  And I'd also think that, when I was younger, I would have had the good judgment not to buy this or try to wear it.  I really really hope so.  

P.S.  Comment on the '30% off' irony.

A Pre-Date Googling, Part 1

So I read this very interesting article in April's Glamour magazine about the dangers of pre-date googling.

It probably won't surprise my readers to learn that I'm a pretty big offender on this front.  Knowing myself, this probably isn't going to stop me.

Basically, this article stated that it takes out the organic element of getting to know a person.  We make too many assumptions based on what we find online.  One of the points they brought up is we might find 'deal breakers' online that we would normally excuse in real life because either there might be some  additional explanation, or the real-life chemistry might be so strong that this becomes irrelevant.

However.  I, like almost all single people in Chicago, am on a little site called 'OKCupid'.  For those not familiar, there's the standard profile portion, plus an unlimited amount of questions one can answer about him/herself on sex, values, religion, etc.  One can answer the questions him or herself, then answer what one deems 'acceptable answers' from a potential mate, and whether or not one deems this question important.

When I filled out said dating site profile, I answered a TON of questions.  This, in theory, helps better match me to those similar.  Now, let me tell you, for almost every guy I have encountered on said site, I have seen some question that I didn't like the answer to.  Some question that I felt I could cut a guy on.    (Are you happy with your life? What are your feelings on group sex?  Is it ok to date someone already in a relationship, if no one else finds out?  How often do you do things out of spite?)

However, as I did this, I thought about two important facts.   Perhaps I was inferring too much on a guy's character based on a bad answer (he couldn't be attracted to someone whose body-type wasn't right?  this must mean he's superficial, or a workout fiend!).  Or, more likely, if I'd met this guy in person, these questions most likely wouldn't have come up in conversation on the first couple dates, so would I have dated this person anyway?  Would I possibly end up in a serious relationship with this person?  And more importantly, how many people out there do I think I know that might, in secret, have these weird-ass inappropriate (per my standards) answers to these burning questions?

Your thoughts?  Do you judge people on what you find out about them online?  Does anyone else on OKCupid feel she (or he) could cut practically everyone based on these questions?!

Happy Birthday, Now Come Buy Something

So, as my readers know, my 30th birthday has come and gone.  Eeek.

Something I noticed this year (beside the greetings on all forms of social media):

It started mid-March.  A store I frequent sent me a card - Happy Birthday, Jaime - please enjoy an additional $5 off the next $25 you spend.

Then the emails started.  Happy birthday - enjoy 10% any item in the next 90 days.  Enjoy $10 your next purchase during the month of your birthday.  Enjoy 25% off at checkout - enter code 'birthdaygirl'.

Everyone does a birthday coupon these days.  Which is, in theory, genius.  Because we all feel like we're getting a treat.  Only, we have to spend money to receive said treat, and it might be money we weren't planning on spending in the first place.  And, is a part of this preying on our vulnerable emotional side?  Maybe we're feeling a little sad, getting older and all, then all of a sudden we get a message from an old 'friend' (or store), and suddenly we want to go feel the love?  They wished us a happy birthday, it made us feel good for a bit, so maybe it's ok to go spend a little something on ourselves there.  Ok, maybe I'm being cynical here.

Have too many places adopted this practice?  Is it becoming white noise (i.e. daily deals)?  It's starting to feel that way.

Have you all bought yourself a birthday gift with a coupon?  No judgment if so.  I'm curious how successful these efforts are.   I prefer Sephora's free birthday gift.  Just sayin'.