Dating Debacles, Part 846

Ok, so as my readers know, I dabble in online dating.  I'll try to keep this story brief.  I met a guy.  We emailed and texted a little.  I found him interesting and was excited.  He insisted we should talk on the phone.  You all know my feelings on this, outlined in an earlier post.  It didn't go particularly well, but I'd say that was partially my fault.  I am just not up for the phone.  Intro convos never do for me.  He said, at one point, that he could pick up that I am extremely serious (all my blog readers already know this, I'm sure).

Anyhow.  Despite a couple awkward pauses and him complaining that I was not laughing at his jokes (yep...) I still tried to be open-minded based on the good convos earlier.  It ended with:

Him:  So when am I gonna meet you?  Maybe we can grab a drink?
Me:  Sure, I'm up for a drink.
Him:  How about Tuesday or Wednesday?
Me:  I actually can't either of those days (accurate).  Maybe Thursday?
Him:  Hmm.  Let's play it by ear during the week....

(Ok, fine.  Whatever.  Ready to write him off....)

Tuesday, late afternoon.
Text from him:
Are we going to grab a drink tonight or tomorrow?
(Thought bubble:  Why am I responding?)
Me:  I can't either day.
Him:  That's why you're called the elusive one.
Me:  Ha.
Him:  Why don't you tell me when you're free.
(No response.)

Weds.
Him:  The Bull Valley Monster has struck again.
Me:  Bull Valley?
Him:  Weren't we talking about the bull valley monster?  I thought that was you.
Me:  I don't think so....

Thurs.  6:30.  PM.
Him:  Free for a drink tonight, Ms. Elusive?
Me:  I already made plans for tonight.  Next week sometime?
Him:  Way too much work for me.  Good luck.

I secretly wanted to text back 'anything in life having is worth working for', but I decided to let it go peacefully.  :-)

File this one under 'le sigh'.  I assume this is the kind of guy who says women play games and make things too complicated.  

Phone Time

So, as my personal friends know, I am trying to get back into the world of dating.   Let's imagine, hypothetically speaking, I've got a couple (presumably) gentlemen that I'm 'talking to'.  And by talking, I mean emailing, texting, or iming.

It has now reached the point where we've continued to converse and these men that I don't know in 'real life', if you will, have requested a 'get to know you' phone conversation.

Although I do find this to be a completely reasonable request....

I HATE getting-to-know-you phone conversations.  I kind of hate talking on the phone, in general.  I KNOW I am not alone in this.  I don't mind it when I'm catching up with a friend with whom I could talk for hours, or if it's to tell an urgent story that is too long to type.   But otherwise, I almost always opt for a different (perhaps more modern) means of communication.  I feel like I have several friends I talk to for hours every day (via email/text/etc.).  In fact, I can only think of one friend I talk to on the phone regularly, and she's one of 'those' who checks her email once every three days.

Anyhow.  What's a gal to do?  Suck it up and talk on the phone with these guys?  Although I do find it completely reasonable that they want to see if they have enough in common with be before taking the time to make a long commute or putting out time and/or money to see me.... I would just rather meet someone in person and see if I hit it off.  That, and I am not good on the phone. Give me a chance in person. I'm much more charming there.

That, and once one gets involved in a phone conversation with someone, isn't he almost obligated to ask for a date, anyway?  Sure, a person could, in theory, say 'you know, I don't think this phone conversation has gone well, I don't think we'd hit it off, I'm not going to suggest we meet', but does that ever actually happen? I know once a female friend said she'd once agreed to go out with a guy, then there was a phone call that was very awkward, but she felt too uncomfortable calling it off.

Is there any way I can get around these phone convos with these boys? Does anyone else abhor getting-to-know-you phone conversations? Does anyone else prefer them? Feel a need for them? Can one get around a date after a bad convo? Your thoughts?

Drop The Charges!

So, since I am single, a lot of my non-single friends like to try to set me up.  Today, I was at a good friend's house.  She mentioned that she thought one of her fiance's friends was a great guy and perhaps he and I might hit it off.  Her fiance was hanging out with him at said moment.

Later in the day, her fiance walked through the door.

My friend:  Hey honey, how's Derek doing?  (She winks in my direction.)
Fiance:  Oh, he's great.  He's really happy he was able to get the charges lessened....

In case you are wondering - no, it is not possible for that to mean anything else than what one might think it does.

Have my friends dropped the bar on their standards for me?  I was told that, despite this, he's a great guy, and he'll be at their wedding, so I'll definitely get to meet him!!

Going Places Alone

So, as all my readers who know me know, I am the single gal living in Chicago.  This coming weekend is Halloween (observed).

A friend of mine who is not part of my usual circle is hosting a party and, well, facebook-invited me.  I really like said friend and would like to see her apartment, meet her boyfriend, meet her other friends, etc.  Hey, fresh meat!

It just so happens that the handful of people she and I mutually know have prior engagements.  This means yours truly will be showing up at the party solo.  This is fine by me - like I said, I know the host.  She is a nice person, so I assume she will have some other friends at the event that are nice people.  If, for some reason, it gets really awkward or I have no one to talk to or some issue, I will leave - I don't plan on staying long anyway.

I pride myself on being an independent person, so I am fine with going places alone.  Recently, there was a good friend's surprise birthday party with a similiar circumstance.  The three people I was friends with - the birthday boy, his girlfriend, and his sister were all out to dinner, so I showed up at the bar beforehand, alone, and spent about an hour/hour and a half with his random friends - all nice friendly people.

This leaves me wondering two things.  1)  Is this normal?  Do other people feel ok showing up at bars/parties/various places alone?   Am I in the minority, or is this completely and totally normal?   I know back in high school and even college, I would not have felt ok showing up anywhere alone. And, if my readers remember correctly, I, for some reason, did not feel safe showing up at my high school reunion alone.  Anyhow.

Secondly - is there something weird about a person who shows up alone to other people?  Again, I know back in high school/college, there would have been some stigma attached.  Is that still the case?  As Carrie Bradshaw would claim - singles' discrimination!  (SINGLES AT THE COUNTER!)  Is that one of the greatest perks of dating someone?  Having someone to drag to all kinds of events?  I swear, once, someone dated me simply for the reason that he wanted me to accompany him to 'girlfriend' stuff.   I digress.

Anyhow.  What's your personal policy on people who go places alone?  Is it normal, or is there some stigma attached?  Do you go places alone?  Your thoughts?

A Sex in the City Quote to Break Up Some Monotony

Think about it. If you are single, after graduation there isn't one occasion where people celebrate you. ... Hallmark doesn't make a "congratulations, you didn't marry the wrong guy" card. And where's the flatware for going on vacation alone?

Sooooo true!!

A Legit Response to Marek's Post

Ok.  Here's what I have to say in response to 'ten ways to get a guy to commit' and Marek's article on 'why you're not married'.

Here's my gripe(s):  How come it's ALWAYS women who need to work on getting men to commit?  And, how come the question of 'why are you single?' is always directed at women?

I feel like, back 30 years ago, people weren't as monogamous when dating - and it was men who were pursuing women and trying to get them to commit.  Now the tables have turned on us.  Fellow women - I ponder aloud - WTF?  How come we never hear 'how to get a girl to commit'?

Also, how come men are never asked why they're single?  I know this has been beaten into the ground, but how come single men are viewed as free and single women are pitied?  Men are never embarrassed to be single - they are often proud of it.  Case in point - I was talking to Marek earlier.  I asked him why he wasn't married.  His response:  why be tied down with one when you can be free and date many?   Oh Marek.  The ladies' man.

Why are things this way?  Or, I guess, more aptly - what can be done to fix it?  Ladies, we need to take back some control here I think.

I Own These....

The fact is, sometimes it's really hard to walk in a single woman's shoes. That's why we need really special ones now and then to make the walk a little more fun.  - Carrie Bradshaw, Season 6, 'A Woman's Right to Shoes'

(I have come so far since the Ladybug shoes (featured on April 5, 2010).)

While We're on the Subject of Dating and Singlehood....

It's coming soon....

Dun Dun Dun....

Rejection

Last night, I faced the ultimate form of rejection. My speed dating was CANCELED. Well, it was rescheduled because the organizer had the flu (or had to wash her hair. whatever).

Anyhow. It has been rescheduled for MARCH. Wtflock? That's a month away. What if it gets canceled/rescheduled AGAIN? Is this a scam? Did they just take my $28 and run? I was supposed to come back with all this good blogging material. Sigh. Maybe by the time speed dating actually happens, everyone who was signed up for the original session will be off married living in the burbs with 2.5 kids. Sigh.

Is this a sign? A good one or a bad one? Your thoughts?

Signed Up!

I'm going speed dating. One of my friends (of the facebook variety) suggested I show up in skates and a helmet and say I thought I was here for speed skating. I'm thinking of wearing the skates to show my undying love for figure skating. I hear dudes dig that.

Speed Dating

So, as most of my readers know, I'm single. I often times wonder if I wasn't single, where would I get a good 1/3 of my blogging material? Would this blog shut down? Or would a lot of my material switch over to bitching about my boyfriend?

Anyhow.

So I'm single, and naturally, everyone and his/her mother is losing sleep over this fact. (They should try a nice vino before bed. Or Ambien. But never both at once!!) I digress. So I'm single. And I just got 'facebook invited' to an event entitled 'speed dating'. You probably all know the gist....a bunch of single guys, a bunch of single girls, each get a couple minutes to chat, then rotate to the next - in essence, one meets a lot of other single people in a short period of time.

Now, at heart, I think there's a very good idea here. However, the one gripe I noticed - $35 for one night!?! Really? REALLY? Now, don't get me wrong - it's not that I find this expensive....it's moreso that I don't know that I'm that interested in attending this event alone and paying this much for it. Are any of my single female friends living in the city of Chicago up for this? Do I have any single female friends living in the city of Chicago? I feel I could possibly walk away with some good blogging material....

Your thoughts? Anyone want to accompany me to speed dating? Anyone out there tried speed dating? Is speed dating worthwhile? Better/worse than online dating? (Editor's Sidenote: I hold George Costanza's view on dating/relationships. That sentence in and of itself oozes with problems. However, I've blogged about this before - George basically says if there's not a good meeting story, the relationship is shot to shit. I know plenty of happy people in happy relationships who can contradict him, however, I'm maintaining this view - for myself and my own life, at least - on this one.)

I am So Proud....

One of my very good friends, Stacey, was named one of the top singles of St. Louis. She's not just your 'run of the mill' single. She's one of the TOP singles. See below:

Top Singles

I wonder how one gets nominated for such a thing. I would like to compete with my fellow Chicago singles.

One of the Google Ads that Came Up....

Geek 2 Geek Dating
A Geek You Can Love is Nearby Meet & date other geeks
www.Gk2gk.com


Should I be offended? Are any of my readers interested in this site?

Serial Monogamists

Ok. You know what I don't get - girls who always have boyfriends. And I'm not talking the same boyfriend - they're never single and they've been in like 10 serious relationships by age 25. They break up with one guy and have a new one less than a week later. They have existed long before the world of online dating started, so that cannot be attributed to contributing to this group (although maybe it has made things easier for them).

I have known quite a few girls who fit this description. There is no one common denominator amongst them. I have seen some that I would describe as very pretty; I have seen some that I'd say 'not so much' to. It's not as though this group of girls is, specifically, as I'd see it, all of the girls who are simply the most desirable to men, although maybe I'm wrong on this - I'm not a guy and I don't know what's going on in their head.

I don't think I need to go any further - because everyone I know, male and female, knows the kind of girls I'm talking about. they are serial monogamists (and I know their male counterparts exist).

Here's what I don't get about these girls - do they REALLY like pretty much every guy out there? Could they fall in love with anyone? Anything?

For me personally, I haven't even really met that many people I've quote-unquote like liked. At least not seriously. I'm not talking about a little crush. And I don't really understand how other people can say they have. I don't think it's possible to be compatible with all that many people out there. For me personally, I don't understand how someone my age could have been in love more than 2-3 times. I don't see how someone could have been in that many serious relationships. For some of my friends who have been in multiple long-term relationships - some will say that for earlier relationships, they may have thought they were in love but they now realize that it was just youthful naiveté.

Anyhow. I actually really think these people are just too insecure to be single and they think they're in love with everyone who crosses their path because these people temporarily abate their insecurities. I really wonder what goes through this group of individual's heads - do they know, themselves, that they're not really crazy about each person? Do they seriously think they're crazy about each person? Are they trying to convince themselves that they are more crazy about this person than they were with the previous 11? All I know is that, with some people I know, I laugh when they introduce me to their 'new guy who is DEFINITELY the one - even though it's early, they've NEVER felt this way about anyone before'.

I realize I may sound like the angry single girl at the moment, but I swear that's not the case. I have a coworker who, let's just say, is at that stage in life where he says EXACTLY what he thinks, for better or for worse. The other day, we were talking, and he said 'You know, I really don't like that many people. My wife yells at me that I shouldn't be this way. It's not that I dislike people; it's more that there just aren't many that I can honestly say I really like." I think he and I are on the same wavelength on this one.

Single for the Holidays

So, as most of you know, I am single.  Some people have a problem being single at the holidays, however, I don't.  I think it's one thing if there's a significant other who has been around for a long time and already knows the family, however, for me personally, having to go meet all of someone's extended family, or more difficult, having to bring someone to meet all of my extended family would be somewhat stressful no matter how excited I am about the relationship.  

I guess I personally prefer to be single at times like Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc., because I prefer to go and relax with my family and be in my comfort zone of the holiday celebration I am used to.   However, oddly, some of the other members of my age group in my family seem to have no problem bringing a date to any and every family event, even if they've only been dating the person for a couple weeks.  I know some friends who will also bring someone they just started dating home to meet not only parents and siblings but also the whole entire extended family early on.  I am not sure if the point is to show off that they are, indeed, dating someone (and therefore dateable), or if this is just the standard way to operate for them and I personally don't understand it.   

Your thoughts?  Are any of you sad to be single at the holidays?