Yet Another Question.

So recently, some good friends and I were having quite the enlightening conversation.  A curious topic came up.

What is one supposed to do when, hypothetically speaking, someone we care about is being a jerk?  Granted, usually the instinctive answer is to confront the issue, however,  if someone is being a jerk, there's already the issue of a lack of concern for one's feelings at hand - how receptive/concerned will he or she truly be?  I feel like whenever we, as people, confront someone for something, he or she will apologize because it is what is supposed to be done (and to feel better about him/herself as a person).  If that person actually felt sorry for what he or she did, he or she would have produced an apology without being prompted.

That, and I can definitely say the handful of times I've addressed issues with people, nothing's good come from it. Most of these people ended up gone from my life for various reasons, or, as mentioned earlier - produced insincere apologies (then committed said offenses again later).

Anyhow.

When someone we care about is a jerk, is there anything we can do whatsoever?  The more I think about it, I'm convinced the only real potential solution is waiting for this person to come around on his or her own.  Of course, we can always let someone know how disappointed we are with him or her as a person, but then there's the general assumption he or she will be gone from our life for good.

Editor's sidenote:  I know I am human.  I know I am at times a jerk.  I do not, in any way, think I am above such behavior.

Wine and Deep Thoughts

So there's a lovely little wine store in Lakeview that I frequent.  It has nice quality products, a good selection, cute tchotchkes, and decent prices. 

However, I have a certain gripe about them.  The staff.  They are TOO nice.  Too much.  Too over the top.  They try TOO hard.

Really?  You ask.  How so?  They repeatedly excessively use your name when talking to you.

Now, don't get me wrong - I know this is a 'how to win friends and influence people' technique.   Literally, I believe it's from that book.  And sure, it makes me feel special and important that someone noted my name.  However, there's a fine line between nice and 'too much'.

How do I know said line was crossed?

Well, I'll tell you.  One time, when I was there, approximately halfway through my visit - the person waiting on me switched to "Julie".  I decided against correcting him because a) who cares? I'd be out of there in 5-10 minutes and 2) I figured it would only evoke an equally over the top apology which I didn't have the energy to listen to.

However, I decided to take count - he then proceeded to call me Julie 8 times!  It reached a point where I was thinking of changing horses and correcting him, but, well, cue for the Friends reference of Chandler Bing getting called 'Toby' - why had I let it go on thus far?

Anyhow.  I am curious - from this tidbit alone, does anyone know where I'm talking about?  Can anyone immediately identify 'the lakeview wine store where they overuse your name'?

A Fine Line?

So there's an old expression that goes 'there's a fine line between love and hate'. I googled it and found some discussion boards, which had some varied responses on the matter. Some people felt there was a fine line between love and like, or dislike and hate, but a large distance between love and hate.

Now, I do believe there's times when we can hate someone without the love component. For example, if, hypothetically speaking, someone were to hit my car and drive away without leaving a note, I would hate that person, but there would be no love to it. That, and I do believe we can hate someone like a coworker or a friend's boyfriend without the fine line. Although, this might be more of a strong dislike than a hate, depending on the situation.

The bottom line, though, is that a person has to CARE to hate someone. However, when it comes to people we at one point cared about - say, a family member, a friend, or a former lover - I do believe this statement rings true loud and clear. Indifference is the opposite of love (and hate, I suppose). I think it's the case for pretty much everyone we hate that we at one point in our lives didn't. I can definitely think of some examples in my own life.

Now, granted, I think that, with most of these people, my hate/dislike for them is legitimate - they betrayed/disappointment me in some way, and that's the basis for it - not just bitterness, as some would infer. However, I think the fact that I cared for them at one point is really what it's about. I think this is where my passionate hatreds lie (not that I have many). If someone you don't expect much from in the first place screws you, there's no shock factor to it, therefore there's no time wasted wondering 'Is there something I did to deserve this? Is there something I could have done differently? How was I so foolish? If only I would have....'

Anyhow. Your thoughts? Is there a fine line between love and hate? Agree or disagree?