Do People Change? Revisited.

So, earlier, when this blog had more life to it, I asked the question 'do people change'?

More specifically - here is what I have been wondering for a while:  if a person changes, was he or she always destined to make that change?  If someone betrays another - was it always destined to happen?  Was it a weakness that was lurking beneath the surface that would eventually inevitably come to?  Did we just not know him or her that well to begin with?  Or, is it that some life experience altered him or her for the worst (or maybe for the better).

I used to think more of the former - that people don't really change.  The old expression goes 'we become more of who we are'.  However, now I am starting to think we, as people, are more fragile than we realize. There have been a couple of people I have lost for various reasons - some their fault, some mine.  There are some people in my life with whom the relationship will not ever really be the same because of something that has happened to cause a rift.  In my mind, for as much as I want to blame them and their weaknesses as people, I blame circumstance.  Even though it might seem that this part of him or her would have come out eventually at some point, I often think 'if only this one thing hadn't happened this way, everything would be still be the way it was....'   Whenever I mull over this point in my mind - despite its flaws, I keep finding it to be true.  That, and even though it's easy to look at the weakness/problems in the person, that doesn't always take away from missing the person (even if that person that I cared about doesn't really seem to be there any more).   I often find if I blame the person and his or her weaknesses, I could, ultimately end up hurt by and blaming everyone I have ever and will ever encounter in life.

That, and then I wonder, is everyone and everything we love 'subject to change'?  We might care for a person for who he or she is right now - what if that doesn't last?   Does everyone have a weakness that can, in some way, hurt us in the end?  Is there anything we can do to prevent it?  I write off every past failed (not necessarily romantic) relationship based on either a) I didn't know the person as well as I thought or 2) the person changed.  When will we know someone well enough or when will we reach a point that the person is done changing?   Anyone?   Your thoughts?

Bah.  This post is probably too emotional/random/self-reflective.  I am sorry.  It seems to have all been fluff for a while, so I decided to try to go to a deeper place.  For better or for worse.  Sigh.  The worst  truth of it all is that is that THIS BLOG is probably what has changed.  Sigh.

Do People Change?

This is quite the hot question. I'm sure anon has been eagerly awaiting this post like I've been eagerly awaiting writing it.

Do people change?

Can people change their actions? Yes - in the instance that an alcoholic can quit drinking, etc. Can people change their beliefs? Yes. I know some people who've drastically changed their religious beliefs. I know some Democrats who've becoming Republicans and vice versa.

However.

I personally think the person we are, at our core, does not change. I know some will argue this. I know some people think people they know have changed. I think the response to this is either a) they didn't know that person as well as they thought they did or b) sometimes we all lose a little bit of ourselves at times. However, in response to part b - I think the person we are, at our center, is always still there - so sometimes it might take ourselves a bit to find ourselves again, but we can usually do it.

Anyhow. Those are my thoughts. I think sometimes when couples break up/friendships end/etc., it's usually that the basis of the relationship was more of a similar interest (like some kind of shared activity) and not the kind of people they were in terms of values, in my opinion. Not that two people have to be similar - opposites can attract - but I think sometimes the necessity is that one cares for someone for the kind of person he/she is, not just what initially brought them together.

Anyhow. That being said - I have a very hard time believing people change on the whole. Usually, when something goes awry with someone I know, it seems to me that that person just wasn't who I thought he/she was upon first impression, or usually, I knew the problem existed with the person, but I thought the friendship/what have you could survive despite it, but then it becomes apparent that it can't.

Your thoughts? Do you think people change? Can people change? Do they just become more of who they are? Is it more that they lose themselves? Does everyone eventually find himself/herself again? What makes a person who he/she is?

Another Question to Ponder....

So some of my near and dear readers (and those who are near and dear to my readers) have described this blog as the kind of blog that asks questions/starts debates (i.e. 'can guys and girls be friends', should a guy ask a girl's dad for her hand in marriage, etc.).

Anyhow. I'd like to keep up with that theme.

Today, a good friend of mine brought up that she learned something major about one of her close, long-term friends. They say you don't really know a person until you live with them, which I can definitely see. When people go off to college, they are at times warned not to live with their best friend because it could ruin the friendship. Couples who are serious about each other and possibly thinking of marriage move in together and then sometimes break up.

However, after having lived with quite a few various roommates throughout college/adult life, I think one could live with another person and still not really know him/her (although I do realize one will point out that living with someone as just a roommate is much different than living with someone as a best friend/significant other, etc.). Also, the aforementioned people who move in together (close friends or significant others) are moving in with someone they presumably feel they, for the most part, KNOW.

My question is this - do we EVER really know a person? There have definitely been people I know (or thought I knew) who have come to surprise me (not necessarily roommates). That, and think about it - very long term relationships (not necessarily romantic) end after years - is it that someone changed, or that the two people didn't really fully know each other to begin with? I guess that opens the whole can of worms of 'do people change', which would be another blog in an of itself.

Anyhow. What I ask now - when, exactly, do we know a person? When do we know a person well enough to make some form of a semi-long-term commitment to him/her? A small part of me thinks the answer might 'never' - and we just have to take a major risk sometimes. Your thoughts?

Anyhow.