Do People Change? Revisited.

So, earlier, when this blog had more life to it, I asked the question 'do people change'?

More specifically - here is what I have been wondering for a while:  if a person changes, was he or she always destined to make that change?  If someone betrays another - was it always destined to happen?  Was it a weakness that was lurking beneath the surface that would eventually inevitably come to?  Did we just not know him or her that well to begin with?  Or, is it that some life experience altered him or her for the worst (or maybe for the better).

I used to think more of the former - that people don't really change.  The old expression goes 'we become more of who we are'.  However, now I am starting to think we, as people, are more fragile than we realize. There have been a couple of people I have lost for various reasons - some their fault, some mine.  There are some people in my life with whom the relationship will not ever really be the same because of something that has happened to cause a rift.  In my mind, for as much as I want to blame them and their weaknesses as people, I blame circumstance.  Even though it might seem that this part of him or her would have come out eventually at some point, I often think 'if only this one thing hadn't happened this way, everything would be still be the way it was....'   Whenever I mull over this point in my mind - despite its flaws, I keep finding it to be true.  That, and even though it's easy to look at the weakness/problems in the person, that doesn't always take away from missing the person (even if that person that I cared about doesn't really seem to be there any more).   I often find if I blame the person and his or her weaknesses, I could, ultimately end up hurt by and blaming everyone I have ever and will ever encounter in life.

That, and then I wonder, is everyone and everything we love 'subject to change'?  We might care for a person for who he or she is right now - what if that doesn't last?   Does everyone have a weakness that can, in some way, hurt us in the end?  Is there anything we can do to prevent it?  I write off every past failed (not necessarily romantic) relationship based on either a) I didn't know the person as well as I thought or 2) the person changed.  When will we know someone well enough or when will we reach a point that the person is done changing?   Anyone?   Your thoughts?

Bah.  This post is probably too emotional/random/self-reflective.  I am sorry.  It seems to have all been fluff for a while, so I decided to try to go to a deeper place.  For better or for worse.  Sigh.  The worst  truth of it all is that is that THIS BLOG is probably what has changed.  Sigh.

Do People Change?

This is quite the hot question. I'm sure anon has been eagerly awaiting this post like I've been eagerly awaiting writing it.

Do people change?

Can people change their actions? Yes - in the instance that an alcoholic can quit drinking, etc. Can people change their beliefs? Yes. I know some people who've drastically changed their religious beliefs. I know some Democrats who've becoming Republicans and vice versa.

However.

I personally think the person we are, at our core, does not change. I know some will argue this. I know some people think people they know have changed. I think the response to this is either a) they didn't know that person as well as they thought they did or b) sometimes we all lose a little bit of ourselves at times. However, in response to part b - I think the person we are, at our center, is always still there - so sometimes it might take ourselves a bit to find ourselves again, but we can usually do it.

Anyhow. Those are my thoughts. I think sometimes when couples break up/friendships end/etc., it's usually that the basis of the relationship was more of a similar interest (like some kind of shared activity) and not the kind of people they were in terms of values, in my opinion. Not that two people have to be similar - opposites can attract - but I think sometimes the necessity is that one cares for someone for the kind of person he/she is, not just what initially brought them together.

Anyhow. That being said - I have a very hard time believing people change on the whole. Usually, when something goes awry with someone I know, it seems to me that that person just wasn't who I thought he/she was upon first impression, or usually, I knew the problem existed with the person, but I thought the friendship/what have you could survive despite it, but then it becomes apparent that it can't.

Your thoughts? Do you think people change? Can people change? Do they just become more of who they are? Is it more that they lose themselves? Does everyone eventually find himself/herself again? What makes a person who he/she is?

Resolution?

So I got my Glamour magazine in the mail last week - it's the January issue (and it's disgustingly small - a sad shoutout to the state of the print media industry lately, but anyhow).   Naturally, it's talking about New Year's Resolutions and all the staples of New Year's Resolutions  (lose 10 pounds, quit smoking, get a new job, etc.).  

Now, I've never been one make New Year's resolutions in my adult life.   I find a bit of humor in it all:  1)  If it's a goal of yours, such as the above mentioned, why particularly decide to take action specifically at the beginning of the  year and 2)  The success rate of most New Year's resolutions...yeah.

However, I currently find myself in a bit of a rut.  My readers might note this by the number of posts filed under 'doldrums'.   Although there might not be anything particularly wrong at this moment, but there isn't necessarily anything spectacularly right (although I can say I am luckier than most to have my health, a decent job, family and some great friends).  

A humorous situation led me to think about my high school reunion (which will be coming up in a couple years).  As of right now, I wouldn't have any reason I'd be embarrassed to go see all my former classmates, however, I guess I'm not where I thought I'd be when I was a teenager and dreamed of adulthood.  I'm not the person I envisioned myself as going to said reunion.  Maybe this is a simple part of all dream/reality discrepancies, however, at one point in my life I felt I was someone who was destined for greatness and I'm pretty sure I haven't quite reached that.

Maybe I need a resolution.  

Mr. President

So he won!?!?

Congratulations Barack Obama!  He sure ran a great campaign.

I must say, I was touched by hearing older African Americans talk about struggles they and their parents and grandparents experienced in life and how they never thought they'd see this day and what it means to them.  

Now, the campaign is over.  It's time to stop talking about change and actually do it.  I look forward to not hearing the word change, in fact.  And the expectations are VERY VERY HIGH, president-elect, so things will surely be interesting.  I truly, sincerely hope Barack Obama does a good job, especially when it comes to improving our economy and healthcare system.

I truly also look forward the end of attack ads, the words 'hope' and 'change', and mostly, Keith Olbermann's hourlong nightly love song.  

(My loyal readers probably truly look forward to me writing about new topics.)

I'll miss you, Sarah Palin.  

Follow Up to a Previous Post, Part Deux

My friend Jeannine's take - I think she said it best:

you would be in the hospital with alcohol poisioning if you were at the dem convention with all those Change signs and your drinking game