A Pre-Date Googling, Part 1

So I read this very interesting article in April's Glamour magazine about the dangers of pre-date googling.

It probably won't surprise my readers to learn that I'm a pretty big offender on this front.  Knowing myself, this probably isn't going to stop me.

Basically, this article stated that it takes out the organic element of getting to know a person.  We make too many assumptions based on what we find online.  One of the points they brought up is we might find 'deal breakers' online that we would normally excuse in real life because either there might be some  additional explanation, or the real-life chemistry might be so strong that this becomes irrelevant.

However.  I, like almost all single people in Chicago, am on a little site called 'OKCupid'.  For those not familiar, there's the standard profile portion, plus an unlimited amount of questions one can answer about him/herself on sex, values, religion, etc.  One can answer the questions him or herself, then answer what one deems 'acceptable answers' from a potential mate, and whether or not one deems this question important.

When I filled out said dating site profile, I answered a TON of questions.  This, in theory, helps better match me to those similar.  Now, let me tell you, for almost every guy I have encountered on said site, I have seen some question that I didn't like the answer to.  Some question that I felt I could cut a guy on.    (Are you happy with your life? What are your feelings on group sex?  Is it ok to date someone already in a relationship, if no one else finds out?  How often do you do things out of spite?)

However, as I did this, I thought about two important facts.   Perhaps I was inferring too much on a guy's character based on a bad answer (he couldn't be attracted to someone whose body-type wasn't right?  this must mean he's superficial, or a workout fiend!).  Or, more likely, if I'd met this guy in person, these questions most likely wouldn't have come up in conversation on the first couple dates, so would I have dated this person anyway?  Would I possibly end up in a serious relationship with this person?  And more importantly, how many people out there do I think I know that might, in secret, have these weird-ass inappropriate (per my standards) answers to these burning questions?

Your thoughts?  Do you judge people on what you find out about them online?  Does anyone else on OKCupid feel she (or he) could cut practically everyone based on these questions?!

To Highlight or Not to Highlight

So I am thinking of revirginizing my hair.  Yep, that's right.  In the words of the immortal Britney Spears - my hair is not that innocent.

I believe at some point between sophomore and junior year of college, I started putting some color in and, well, it's a vicious cycle.  For the past three years or so, I've only done highlights.

I was reading in glamour magazine, I believe, that Amanda Seyfried was given some hair award (or some crap like that) and when she was asked what her secret was, she said she no longer puts any color in it - it's all natural.  She also mentions she only washed it every other day, which I just cannot bring myself to do (but this is a whole other can of worms entirely).

I've noticed I've been getting a lot of split ends lately, and quite a few sources have suggested that the color could be partially to blame.  That, and I am starting to question what the highlights really do for me.  A couple friends have suggested I wait until I actually really need to dye it (in other words, when it goes gray).

What do my readers think?  Do any of you have 'virgin' hair?  Are highlights, generally speaking, just a wash?  Have any of you gone back from the dyeing habit?  Does anyone else wash her hair every day?   Your thoughts? 

A Brief Touch of Irony

So I just got my Glamour Magazine in the mail the other day - as Jay Leno would say - my bible.  In in, there was an ad for the Kardashian line of nailpolish by OPI.  I have spoken before on how OPI perfectly names their nailpolishes.  Well, they really hit the nail on the head recently.  In the Nicole by OPI division, Kardashian line, in Kim's division - there is a lovely pink color.  The name, as can be seen here, is, wait for it....

Kim-pletely In Love.

I guess this was one detail she couldn't get around with her staged nuptials.  Although, this could be completely accurate, seeing that it does not specify exactly who she is 'kimpletely in love' with.  Perhaps it's her sisters, or her work, or fame, or, mayhaps, herself.  In that case, this is probably spot-fucking-on.  No judgment.  

Bad Crazy Vs. Good Crazy

So, as some of my regular readers know, I like to follow the antics of Paula Abdul on occasion for my own personal entertainment.  Recently, she was interviewed in Glamour magazine.   If you will - a tiny excerpt:

Do look for a way past "no".  My first audition to become a Laker Girl was a cattle call and no one even saw me.  i got cut immediately, but I sneaked into another room, changed my leotard, put on brighter tights and changed my hair.  Then I went back in and used my middle name - and I got it!

Needless to say - I find this story a little crazy - but GOOD crazy.  Perhaps there's a fine line between bad crazy and good crazy.  And this woman toes said line quite often.  However, I enjoy something about this story - in fact, I might feel a twinge inspired.  The next time I don't get a job or something of the like, maybe I'll send in a resume under another name.  Rock on, Ms. Abdul!

Are Men @ssholes?

According to glamour magazine, roughly 16% of men are assholes (their words).

Even though the whole article doesn't seem all that scientific, I could see this being accurate.

Here's the signs that a guy may be an asshole:
1)  He only wants sex
2)  He's a chronic drunk dialer
3)  He texts and bails
4)  You're always making excuses for him
5)  He makes you feel like crap

Now, in the spirit of protecting the guilty, I can think of at least one person's boyfriend who has an, ahem, perfect score on this.  I think #4 is especially true.  If one has to tell others that her guy is not all that bad, that pretty much says it all.  I can think of a couple friends, even, who might complain about their guys about little things and, ultimately, I think their guys are better than they get credit for.  However, whenever a friend goes out of her way to point out that her boyfriend is wonderful, I know that's the first immediate red flag.  I never trust anyone who goes out of her way to point out how spectacular her boyfriend/relationship is or how incredibly happy she is.  Generally speaking, I think people who are nitpicking and complaining about little petty things are oftentimes in the ones sitting in the most enviable positions (both in relationships and in life) .  Tanget.  Anyhow.

Agree or disagree with this list?  Agree or disagree with this percentage of less than favorable men?  Anyone feel she's met all 16% of them?  

Nail Art

So, according to Glamour magazine (where I get a lot of my important information), fancy nail art is in.

Here is the article with some various tips.

I have news.  This is not NEW news.  This is like, when, say, 8 years ago, there were articles about flare leg jeans being in style.  Maybe it was a current, accurate statement, but there was nothing 'first' about it.  Back in high school (which was, ahem, a few years ago), I did nail art ALL the time.  I painted ladybugs, rainbows, hearts, flowers, and butterflies on my nails quite regularly.  (Editor's note:  please keep any commentary on what you, dear readers, think I might have been like back in high school to yourself.)

I used paintbrushes that I cut down to a very thin size (so there were only a couple bristles of hair left) for the fine line necessary for the detailing.   People would compliment my nails all the time - even strangers.   Does anyone who knew me back then have pics of this?  And by anyone, I mostly mean mom.  And by pics of this, I mean my nails, not people complimenting me - although that's something I'd like documented as much as anything.

Anyhow.   Although the nail art is fun, it is time consuming and the end result doesn't last for long.  Does anyone know anyone who actually DOES the fancy nail polish designs on her own nails?  Most of my friends don't even do their own nails - they get manicures.  If anyone knows of anyone sporting nail art - please submit a pic to this blog.  Otherwise, I will walk around thinking I am the only one, or, at least, was the only one back, ahem, a couple years ago.  

This Just in....

Directly from Glamour Magazine:

Hey, it's ok...
...to tell your friend her boyfriend is horrible, if he is.

You'll have to excuse me.  I have at least one phone call to make.

Don't You?

So, I was reading an article in Glamour (which I referenced earlier) about should you/should you not do something. One of the items brought up - should one blog about the person he or she is dating (or going on a date with).

Now, for me personally, the answer is no for one obvious reason - the guy I'm dating NOT reading my blog is a complete and total deal-breaker. So, if it's safe to assume he's reading, I won't be writing about him. Anyhthing I need to say to him I should, in a perfect world, be able to say directly to him (if it pertains to our companionship), however, anything I can't say, for whatever reason, I would talk to my girlfriends about privately, not air out in public.

I've always hate hate HATED it when couples have had statements blatantly expressing their frustration (or what have you) with their significant other via their facebook status, AIM away message or (going back to high school here now) AOL profile. It's some childish combination of a) passion without reason and b) a public advertisement of the bad communication between the two. As I said earlier - such things should be said TO each other, not about each other to the whole online world.

That, and it just looks pathetic. For example, I have three female facebook friends (people I am not regularly in touch with who are no more than acquaintances) who I know are not-so-subtly hinting that they're getting a little frustrated that their boyfriend hasn't proposed yet. Why do I (amongst all their other fbook friends) know this? I've never met said boyfriend. But I know he's got commitment issues (or so it seems). What's the goal here? That some mutual friend of a friend of a friend says something to someone and it gets back to him, and he thinks 'oh gee, I should propose', then does so? Will it REALLY work out that way?

However. The argument in favor of blogging about one's relationship was this: The Carly Simon rule applies - the post isn't about him unless he's vain enough to think it is. I like this. I'm tempted to post about every guy I've ever come across since 6th grade right now and save face by declaring 'The Carly Simon Rule'. Sidenote: I'm pretty sure I know who that song is about. Anyone out there think I'm referring to him? See above....

The Million Dollar Question

So I was reading my Glamour magazine today, and there was an article that asked a lot of hard-hitting, up for debate questions. One of them being 'should you tell a friend when you don't like her boyfriend?'

This is really quite the question. Those who took the 'no' stance in said article articulated all my past experiences with the subject - the odds of it making said significant other go away are slim to none, it will only cause said friend to distance herself (or himself) from you, said friend will not be completely honest with you about future issues in the relationship because he/she will be afraid you are judging or will pressure him/her to leave, etc. Basically, it will only hurt the friendship.

Now - quick disclaimer. I have experience in both a) telling a friend she should get out of a relationship, then having said friend having lukewarm feelings toward me and b) not saying anything because I knew it would totally ruin the friendship, but watching a friend of mine be mistreated and silently wishing the bastard away.

I think the obvious answer is 'no, one cannot tell someone she doesn't like her boyfriend'. Said friend needs to reach the decision to leave on her own; she's a capable adult and hopefully will do so.

However.

A small part of me feels awkward sitting there in silence. Isn't it a friend's job to tell her friend she deserves better? Granted - no one is perfect, we all have different standards for what we want in a significant other, different non-negotiables, etc. However, recently a good friend posed the question to me, when speaking of her boyfriend, 'you like him, right?' Well, in this particular instance, I do. But, would I say something if I didn't?

If I was in a relationship where I was being mistreated, I would want my friends to say so. Although, also, a small part of me wonders that, if I was in a relationship where I wasn't being treated right, what kind of frame of mind am I in? Am I seeing clearly? I'm guessing no. Therefore, would I take my friend's advice the right way? Hard to say. What's more important, doing what one feels is right or putting the friendship first? However, if one were to, per se, do what she feels is right and then her friend stays in the relationship AND writes her off as a friend, there's no hope of helping the friend out of the relationship, ever. So it could be a lose lose.

What should one do when she doesn't like a friend's significant other? Is there anything that can be done? Can one ever tell a friend she doesn't like her boyfriend? Is there a way to do so without losing the friendship? What would you want if your friends didn't like your significant other? Would you want to know?

World Class Trash

So, over the past couple days, I've been reading Glamour and Cosmo.  Something interesting I've come to discover...the following are books that actually exist:

(Third Base Ain't What it Used to Be)

(Additional Sidenote:  Your thoughts on this matter???)

(Shacking Up:  The Smart Girls' Guide to Living in Sin Without Getting Burned)

(Dating Makes You Want to Die)

Has anyone read any of these?  Can anyone provide a review?

Resolution?

So I got my Glamour magazine in the mail last week - it's the January issue (and it's disgustingly small - a sad shoutout to the state of the print media industry lately, but anyhow).   Naturally, it's talking about New Year's Resolutions and all the staples of New Year's Resolutions  (lose 10 pounds, quit smoking, get a new job, etc.).  

Now, I've never been one make New Year's resolutions in my adult life.   I find a bit of humor in it all:  1)  If it's a goal of yours, such as the above mentioned, why particularly decide to take action specifically at the beginning of the  year and 2)  The success rate of most New Year's resolutions...yeah.

However, I currently find myself in a bit of a rut.  My readers might note this by the number of posts filed under 'doldrums'.   Although there might not be anything particularly wrong at this moment, but there isn't necessarily anything spectacularly right (although I can say I am luckier than most to have my health, a decent job, family and some great friends).  

A humorous situation led me to think about my high school reunion (which will be coming up in a couple years).  As of right now, I wouldn't have any reason I'd be embarrassed to go see all my former classmates, however, I guess I'm not where I thought I'd be when I was a teenager and dreamed of adulthood.  I'm not the person I envisioned myself as going to said reunion.  Maybe this is a simple part of all dream/reality discrepancies, however, at one point in my life I felt I was someone who was destined for greatness and I'm pretty sure I haven't quite reached that.

Maybe I need a resolution.  

Random Statistic I Found in my Glamour Magazine

'The typical student today has the same level of anxiety as the average psychiatric patient in the early 1950s did."  (From the article "How Stressed Are You?")

Coming to Terms....

So, I just got this month's Glamour (my favorite magazine) in the mail - the cover has Rachel Bilson, Diane Lane and Ali Larter (above, respectively) with the tagline "Love Your Looks; (these three women) Tell How".

Ok.  Do I think these are the three most beautiful women in Hollywood?  Probably not.  Are they judged by their looks and compared to their peers more often than your average person, especially in their careers?  Probably so.  

However.   In comparison with say, the general female population, I think these women definitely fall into at least the top 20% (probably more realistically top 10%) in the looks department.   I don't think your truly average or below average looking woman who is struggling to accept herself would find comfort in hearing these kind of women speak about how they came to terms with one earlobe being longer than the other.  

This is probably a lot like when stick thin women speak out about how they finally came to accept their bodies, so everyone else should too!!  Most women think 'yeah, I'd have no problem accepting YOUR body, either'.  

Maybe a truly average looking actress would have been a better choice for this spread.   Hmm, who even IS an actress who looks like an every day person?  Sarah Jessica Parker?  Heather Matazarro? (does anyone other than me even know who this is?)

However, I haven't read the article yet, so maybe I'm just judging a book by its cover.  Maybe there's something really insightful and astounding within.  I highly doubt it, but I will check back and see.