Mr. DeJa-Wink

So, as quite a few of my readers know, I was on match.com for a while.  I quit recently, not because I'm madly in love with the man of my dreams, but because I've been really busy lately with my new job, etc., so I just felt like I wasn't logging on enough and 'getting my money's worth', if you will.  I may try again at a later 'date'.

Anyhow.

I did, of course, get a couple interesting experiences/stories out of it.

I think my best one is Mr. DeJa Wink.  We will call him Joe.  Names have been changed to protect the guilty.

Ok.  So it's early June.  I am new to match.  He winks.  He looks decent.  I wink back.  He sends me the standard generic first email (Hi!  You look interesting.  How was your weekend?  I live in this area.  I work in this area.  Where do you usually hang out?  Hope to hear back from you!)  I replied.

I never heard from him again.  No big deal.  I figured he started dating some other girl or something.

Anyhow.  Then, two months later....

I see he views my profile.  Then he winks.  Uh...  Does he not recognize me?  Is our relationship already moving backward?   I thought we were at the email stage already....

Anyhow, to further entertain where this might go, I winked back.   He then writes me virtually the same introductory email.  Thanks to gmail, I checked that it wasn't the EXACT same email (in which case I'd think he'd just be firing off a copy/paste), but it was pretty much a 'Hey, I'm Joe...hope to hear from you!)  I wrote him back virtually the same email.  He then emails me again.

At this point, he's being pretty nice/polite, and I'm starting to think 'is it really that big of a deal that he doesn't remember me?  it's not like we actually went out or even spoke on the phone...there's a ton of people on here, it's a reasonable mistake....'

Anyhow.  He suggests we get together.  Sure.  When am I free?  Next Monday or Wednesday would be good.  Which day is better for me?  Monday.  He then suggests a nice Irish bar.  Sounds good to me - what time?  Would 8 work for  him?  At this point, it has reached Sunday night.  He replies 'Yes, 8 is good.  We're talking about Wednesday, right?'

Umm, no.  And if he were to look down through the emails which automatically show up in the chain, for just one second, he would have seen it.  Again, not a huge deal, just kind of weird.  So, sigh, I replied 'Wednesday is fine.'

Then I ran it by the jury.  My friend Jeannine stepped up and played the voice of reason.  'This guy sounds really dumb.  He doesn't remember talking to you, he doesn't know what day you're getting together....'

Now, under normal circumstances, since this guy seemed like he was a decent person, I would have gone out and had two beers with him, then made the ultimate judgment call.  However, a combination of me being pretty busy/exhausted and me thinking 'this guy clearly isn't my soulmate, I'm not going to fall in love with him, best case scenario is I won't feel like I totally wasted two hours of my life, and right now that's looking a little slim' lead me to politely canceling.  I was kind of vague and said something came up, I wouldn't be available that night.  I was curious if he would try to reschedule.  He didn't.  I doubt I'll ever hear from him again.  Unless, of course, I rejoin match and he winks again.

Online Dating Encounter

So, as I was telling someone about my experience with online dating, I was asked if I ever encountered a weirdo.  My knee-jerk reaction was to say no - the handful of guys I'd met in person were polite and normal.

However, I did remember one odd experience.

There was a guy who winked at me.  I checked out his profile.  It was kind of sarcastic in some respects - I can't remember exactly what he said, in hindsight, but I remember seeing a couple things, such as how he described his job and life and thinking 'uh, that's obviously a joke'.  Anyhow.  He looked like he could be funny and moderately attractive.  I winked back.  I got an email.  Again, I don't remember anything in particular - I think it was something pretty standard like 'you look interesting, we should hang out sometime'.  The day of the email, I felt tired, so I figured I'd respond to it later.  I logged off and went to sleep.  About a day later, before I responded, I got another email.  I was able to located it (thanks Gmail, for saving everything!).

Thanks for blowing me off and getting my hopes up. Why'd you wink at me if you really weren't interested? Let me guess...were you too "busy" to respond?

You must be like all the typically high-maintenance girls who require guys to chase you around mindlessly before you give them the time of day. I have way too much self-respect to play stupid games like that.

Please spare me whatever lame excuse you have for ignoring me because 1) You were online when you got my e-mail so you had the opportunity to respond and 2) I just blocked you.

You blew your only chance with me. I'm getting so fed up with the teasing games you girls play. Don't you realize you're being inconsiderate?

Not interested anymore.




Since, as I mentioned earlier, he was very sarcastic, I wondered if it was part of a joke.  I showed it to a couple of my friends.  "No, he's definitely not joking, he's actually pissed".  I definitely found this odd.  He hadn't spent any money on me or even met me in person, so why would he care so much?  Anyhow, I just didn't respond and never spoke to him again, although he then continued to view my profile religiously.  


Anyhow, I recently told this story to a male acquaintance.  He said he'd heard of other women having similar experiences of men they hardly knew angrily 'bitching them out', if you will, on online dating sites.  I am surprised by this.  I often assume women to be the ones to sooner get angry or confrontational.  However, said male that I spoke with had a theory that there's a pool of men on various online dating sites who've had a bit of, ahem, experience being rejected by women and are very sensitive/angry about it.


Your thoughts?  Women, have any of you had similar experiences?  Is this a typical online dating experience/epidemic?  Men, have you ever gotten so angry at a woman you've never met in real life?  Any other crazy online dating experiences?  Your thoughts?  

Back to one of my Favorite Subjects

Facebook.

I thoroughly enjoy that new feature that allows users to like other user's comments in response to someone's status.   Not because I necessarily wanted to 'like' others' comments, but because others - strangers - are now liking my comments! (!!!!)  It makes me feel so clever and witty.   It's the equivalent of a (non-mary kay) stranger stopping to pay a compliment - I must have been REALLY good!!  That, and I also feel like it's a nice segue into making new friends, which I feel is secretly the mission of facebook - the free, platonic version of matchdotcom - like is the new wink.  Maybe I'm reading too much into a small gesture.  Maybe I'm moving too fast.  Sigh, this was presumptuous on my part.

Anyhow.

To this date, I can recall being 'liked' by a stranger three times.  Once was in a spirited debate about religion (I won't go there), once was a Friends quote, once was a Seinfeld quote.  I think this shows my diversity nicely.

From Eric....

I do not pick the ads on the side of my blog.  However, Jaime's blog does not discriminate.  I think we all need some love.  I am curious how this came up - was it because of the 'it starts with a wink' post?  Was it the online dating?  Are there good gay online dating sites?  Should I start one?  Is that the next million dollar idea?

It Starts with a Wink.

So, recently, as most of my readers know - I tried online dating.  My headline was 'If this doesn't work out well, at least it will serve as material for my blog'.

Here we go now.

First off, I did one of the more popular, more well-known sites.  For legal purposes, I will not name said site.  I am sure my very intelligent readers can make assumptions.  Anyhow.

Here are some thoughts:

-I felt like I kept seeing the same people/profiles whenever I ran a search.  I really didn't put too much into the filter.  I said 24-40, never married, no children, within 10 miles of my zip code.  I would think, with the popularity of this website, this would lend lots of options.  Again, I can't give you an exact number on how many profiles came up, but I felt the same ones kept resurfacing.   Maybe it was mind over matter, but others I spoke with have listed a similar complaint.  Also, I know one of my male coworkers is part of the site.  He falls directly into the demographic I set - I find it interesting he has never shown up in my searches. 

-There was a period of time in which I wasn't an actual member, but had a profile, could wink for free, but couldn't actually speak with someone who emailed me.  I imagine this greatly confuses people - for there is no real way to differentiate if you're attempting to contact someone on a free trial or an actual paying member.  It's hard to say if one is being ignored/snubbed/what have you.

-I am not sure what puts one's profile in a more high-traffic area, etc.  However, I believe it in some way correlates with how often a person logs in.  HOWEVER.  Right now, I quit.  I wrote my reason for quitting being that I am not ready for this right now, but maybe again soon.  I am constantly getting wink/email/'he chose you' notifications (which imply my profile is getting a good amount of traffic).  So, my thinking is the people who aren't actual members are in a higher traffic area for the sake of enticing them to join (someone emailed you!!!  join now!!).

-I kept getting interests from men who did not fit my requirements (I realize this is no fault of the site) - however, annoying.  Divorced 50-something dad in Plainfield!  Did you not read my profile and what I am seeking (or, more specifically, NOT seeking?)

-That, and I wonder what is best if there is a non-reciprocated interest.  'No thanks', or a complete and total ignore?  I realize this also a 'dating in general issue' moreso than this website's issue.

-Also (again, not limited to the site) there is the whole issue of if the person you are speaking with is also speaking to multiple people/dating multiple people/still remaining a member of the site whilst hanging out with you.  Sigh.

-Another confusion (and I realize this makes for a 'men' complaint/confusion) is what is protocol with men and dating.  Traditionally, it is the man's job to ask for a date, suggest the date plan, contact for a second, third, etc., date.  Does that keep with this site's protocol?  Most of my male friends who have tried dating sites will state that they are not always comfortable with meeting women/asking them out (and that is their reason for trying said site), so I find it very hard to read men's 'signals' on this.  I feel so much can be inferred from an email/the amount of time between responses/etc. 

Anyhow.  In short, this site, and the concept of dating websites, frustrated me, so I quit.   I do not like the concept, but it's less that I don't like the concept for myself and moreso that I don't like their concept as a part of society (because 'everyone's doing it' - or at least every single person, so no one's making an effort in more traditional ways).  Maybe that just makes me like one of those people boycotting facebook.  I dunno.  Anyhow. 

I'll probably return to the site in a month or so, simply out of boredom.  Update/more complaints to come.