Trying to Trend a New Expression

So, as you all know, I am a very avid user of Facebook.

On quite a few occasions, I've seen people like their own status or comment.

I have a term for this.

Facebook masturbation.

You heard it here first.

Over-Used Buzz Word that Annoys Me

Handcrafted.

It's everywhere.  My sandwich was handcrafted.  Really?  That's so shocking.  I thought there were robots with a conveyor belt.   My mojito was handcrafted?!  And I thought there was a packet of 'instant mojito', starbucks via style.

I'll stop now.

Does something being 'handcrafted' really add appeal?  My inner germophobe feels secretly relieved to think as few individuals as possible had a 'hand' in anything I'm about to consume.  Maybe that's just me.

Nevermind me as I search for a restaurant with the robots and conveyor belt....

Another Random Grammatical Pet Peeve

When people say 'minused' instead of subtracted.

I don't know if it's necessarily wrong.

It just irritates me.

Expressions I Hate - the Series Continues

Epic Fail.

Dude, your forgetting to do your laundry is not EPIC.  Apparently, nowadays, there are like 10 'epic' events a day.  All negative, too, apparently.  There are so many 'epic fails', yet we, as a people, seem to keep bouncing on back.  It really speaks volumes about our resilience.

I predict this expression will be gone in six months.  I can only hope.  I find it of epic annoyance.

It Starts with a Wink.

So, recently, as most of my readers know - I tried online dating.  My headline was 'If this doesn't work out well, at least it will serve as material for my blog'.

Here we go now.

First off, I did one of the more popular, more well-known sites.  For legal purposes, I will not name said site.  I am sure my very intelligent readers can make assumptions.  Anyhow.

Here are some thoughts:

-I felt like I kept seeing the same people/profiles whenever I ran a search.  I really didn't put too much into the filter.  I said 24-40, never married, no children, within 10 miles of my zip code.  I would think, with the popularity of this website, this would lend lots of options.  Again, I can't give you an exact number on how many profiles came up, but I felt the same ones kept resurfacing.   Maybe it was mind over matter, but others I spoke with have listed a similar complaint.  Also, I know one of my male coworkers is part of the site.  He falls directly into the demographic I set - I find it interesting he has never shown up in my searches. 

-There was a period of time in which I wasn't an actual member, but had a profile, could wink for free, but couldn't actually speak with someone who emailed me.  I imagine this greatly confuses people - for there is no real way to differentiate if you're attempting to contact someone on a free trial or an actual paying member.  It's hard to say if one is being ignored/snubbed/what have you.

-I am not sure what puts one's profile in a more high-traffic area, etc.  However, I believe it in some way correlates with how often a person logs in.  HOWEVER.  Right now, I quit.  I wrote my reason for quitting being that I am not ready for this right now, but maybe again soon.  I am constantly getting wink/email/'he chose you' notifications (which imply my profile is getting a good amount of traffic).  So, my thinking is the people who aren't actual members are in a higher traffic area for the sake of enticing them to join (someone emailed you!!!  join now!!).

-I kept getting interests from men who did not fit my requirements (I realize this is no fault of the site) - however, annoying.  Divorced 50-something dad in Plainfield!  Did you not read my profile and what I am seeking (or, more specifically, NOT seeking?)

-That, and I wonder what is best if there is a non-reciprocated interest.  'No thanks', or a complete and total ignore?  I realize this also a 'dating in general issue' moreso than this website's issue.

-Also (again, not limited to the site) there is the whole issue of if the person you are speaking with is also speaking to multiple people/dating multiple people/still remaining a member of the site whilst hanging out with you.  Sigh.

-Another confusion (and I realize this makes for a 'men' complaint/confusion) is what is protocol with men and dating.  Traditionally, it is the man's job to ask for a date, suggest the date plan, contact for a second, third, etc., date.  Does that keep with this site's protocol?  Most of my male friends who have tried dating sites will state that they are not always comfortable with meeting women/asking them out (and that is their reason for trying said site), so I find it very hard to read men's 'signals' on this.  I feel so much can be inferred from an email/the amount of time between responses/etc. 

Anyhow.  In short, this site, and the concept of dating websites, frustrated me, so I quit.   I do not like the concept, but it's less that I don't like the concept for myself and moreso that I don't like their concept as a part of society (because 'everyone's doing it' - or at least every single person, so no one's making an effort in more traditional ways).  Maybe that just makes me like one of those people boycotting facebook.  I dunno.  Anyhow. 

I'll probably return to the site in a month or so, simply out of boredom.  Update/more complaints to come.

Some Thoughts on Online Dating.... (or, Undateable, Part 3)

Ok, so my friend Matt, being his astute self, as always, was able to accurately predict the foreshadowing in the previous post, 'debating'....

So, long story short, I tried online dating.  I could start making a bunch of silly excuses to justify my having done this (such as, I have tried and blogged about blind dating, speed dating, etc., so this just completed my repertoire, etc.), but I'm not going to - I will address why not later.

Anyhow.  For those who are curious about dating websites (I won't mention the one I tried, but it's a fairly mainstream one), I've compiled a list of thoughts (mostly complaints - let's be honest) on the matter, in no particular or coherent order:

--In one's profile, the requisite explanation of why one is here (e.g. "I got sick of meeting people in bars").  Here's the thing - everyone you meet on said website is, AHEM, ON SAID WEBSITE (most likely for its intended purpose).  So the ridiculous explanation comes off a little trite, and quite possibly arrogant (you see, there's a reason for me being here, unlike all the other losers).  Bonus demerits if you pretend you somehow got finagled into being on said site (so I lost a bet to one of my buddies....) -- all I really hear is Ross Gellar saying 'Ok, so who should I say tricked me into smoking the pot?'

--I have twice been called either a 'nerd' or a 'dork' by a virtual stranger.  Now THAT's a turn-on.  Who doesn't love a good throwback to the junior high lunch room?  If I saw these men in person, would they pull my hair?  Way to disprove that this means of meeting someone is geared toward the socially stunted.

--Listing sexual activity as a 'must have'.  Ok, I get it.   It's important to you, and shouldn't you be honest about your needs, find someone else who has the same desire, blah blah blah.  But you do realize, you are paying for a service, with hopes that said service connects you with some sexual activity.  You are just one step away from using a pimp.

--Works out five times a week or more.  A little obsessive, don't you think?  Read:  you'll notice if I gain five pounds.  I'd rather date a guy who wouldn't notice if I shaved my head.

--In the 'about me' section:  "Uh, it's hard to describe myself....I never know what to say in these things...uhhh...these things are always awkward".  Yes, they are, but think of it this way - you've had time to think about preparing an answer and THIS is what you came up with?  What are you gonna be like on the date?

--Male, age 30 (or higher).  Looking for women age 18-30.   EW EW EW EW EW.  You could date an 18 year old?!  Seriously?!  I don't know which is worse, a 30+ man who could actually relate to and connect with an 18 year old woman on a mental/emotional level, or a 30+ man who could guiltlessly use one for a couple hook ups.  I can't help you, dude, but maybe a good therapist could.

--(In the body of a message) 'So, I am just looking for some fun things to do in Chicago and was wondering if you had any good suggestions'.  This is the cyber-equivalent of 'do you come here often' or 'you look really familiar'.  I get it, it seems like a nice, pleasant conversation starter, but a small part of it just seems moronic because, again, it's an online dating site, not centerstage.com - is that REALLY what you are contacting me for?   How totally savvy.

--Repeatedly getting contacted by the same guy before any form of a response from me.  I think you know my opinion on this one.

--Height:  5'6" (actual height: 5'4").  Height:  5'9" (actual height: 5'7").  If he's claimed to be anything under 6', you can assume he's added at least two inches to his actual height.  I am not sure the probability of it, exactly, but it's pretty much the same odds that a woman will knock ten pounds off her weight.

--Complaining to me that other women you've met through the site are not as good looking in real life as they are in their pictures.  It rubs me the same way as it would you if I were to complain to you about a man taking me out on a date but not paying.

--A man with a picture of himself holding a baby.  Chicks dig a guy who likes babies.  Clever.  REALLY clever.

--"So sick of meeting people in bars".  If I see this tagline one more f'ing time....  Actually, the painfully ironic thing is men in bars can get a little leeway under the assumption that alcohol is partially responsible for some stupid statements/behavior - what's the excuse here?

I am sure there are more that I cannot think of right now.  I can almost guarantee there'll be a follow-up post or 3.  I can honestly say, after having tried this, that I thought maybe I just hadn't met the right guy.  But I have now come to the conclusion that either a) I am way too critical of the men I meet or b) to the single men of the Chicagoland area - it's not me, it's you.  I'm opting for the latter.