What Constitutes Judgment?

So, recently, a good friend of mine was talking about how she was talking to a good friend about a problem and how said friend was really great about not judging her. However, this raised a question - what constitutes not judging someone? Is it not forming an opinion about someone's actions/situation, or simply doing a good job of masking said opinion?

I believe (correct me if I'm wrong), therapists and various other professionals are trained to hide any opinions or judgments from their clients. However, I've always thought 'man, I wonder what goes through their heads after some of their sessions'.

That, and is it really possible to not form an opinion on someone's actions, especially in some extreme situations? Yeah, there's that whole 'walk a mile in someone's shoes' bit, but does ANYONE actually do that? Is it possible to even prevent your mind from forming an opinion - even if you don't mean to, isn't it a somewhat semi-conscious snap reaction in the first place?

I know a lot of people who claim they don't judge - however, I do know from talking to them about various other people that they do. They just make a point of not doing it to the person's face.

What constitutes not judging someone? Is it not forming an opinion, or simply not expressing it? Is it possible to not form an opinion? Is there anywhere we can actually go to not be judged?

The One?

So now, this morning on the el, I was reading Cosmo (as usual) and there's an article about soulmates (and, kind of, how it's dangerous to believe in them because we pass up good people and just set ourselves up for disappointment).

Do my readers believe in soulmates? I'm a cynic, however, I am torn on this one. I actually kind of do believe in soulmates - however, I think some people will mistakenly think someone is his or her soulmate, get hung up on the person, and then, as cosmo illustrates - miss out on other great people. I can definitely see this - I definitely think it's important to eventually move past someone if it's clear it's either a) not going to work out or b) not happening in the first place. A part of me wants to think (like most of my friends think) that there are lots of people for lots of people, and soulmates are just a figment of one's imagination. (Editor's sidenote - and not to annoy Piper - but it just came to mind that my cynical sarcastic counterpart Chandler Bing also doesn't believe in soulmates. Had to say it.)

Anyhow. There's also another school of thought that says we get two great loves - I'm not sure my feelings on this idea either, although it is quite realistic - maybe there's one for our younger selves (a 'first love', if you will) and then one for our mature adult self - the person we ultimately become.

A tiny tiny part of me does believe there are things not in our control and that sometimes, for whatever reason, some things are just meant to be (or not meant to be), and that maybe some of us do have someone we are somehow destined to end up with. However, I guess I'm not sure everyone has a soulmate. And I definitely, definitely think a lot of people I know have wrongly thought someone was their soulmate (and probably ended up with a lot of wasted time and energy on that person/missed out on other opportunities, etc.). Hmm.

What do you all think? Please, enlighten me.

Coach?

So I have come across, on several occasions, something pertaining to the occupation of 'life coach'.  

Needless to say, I am VERY cynical to this profession on the whole and those who think they are qualified to assume such a role.   

What exactly is a life coach?  What do they do?  More importantly, what makes one qualified to be a life coach?   How is it determined that, hey, you right there - you're more successful in life than 90% of the buffoons out there - you're qualified to tell others what they should be doing with their lives!!  Is it a certain amount of 'life experience' that makes one qualified to be a life coach?  I see 20 and 30-somethings claiming to be life coaches.   Is there any training to become a life coach?  I personally would think the training would be life itself - but we all have that experience of having lived life - what makes some of us grossly unqualified for the profession?   Is being a life coach solely a self-proclaimed accolade, or is there a formal certification process?  Are there a good amount of people out there going to 'life coaches'?  (Actually, I have no trouble believing this - those who feel desperately lost and searching will turn to anything that might be able to solve their problems, hence the success of cults, Rhonda Byrne's "The Secret", etc.)

I do believe several of those behind "The Secret" are self-proclaimed life coaches.  This doesn't add on any cynicism for me toward this subject matter; I already had plenty.

It's not the idea of a life coach that troubles me - it's the idea that some of my peers might be qualified to assume this role in my, or someone's, life.  I dare a life coach to offer up some advice to me.

(Editor's sidenote:  To find a picture for this blog, I googled 'Coach', but that only yielded handbags.  I then googled 'athlete coach' and immediately came upon the picture of Bela Karolyi and Kerri Strug.  Those who know me appreciate that I couldn't resist.)

Optimism?

Ok, I like to consider myself an optimistic person (who doesn't?).  However, lately, I've gotten to thinking....

What is the opposite of optimism?  Is it pessimism?  Per the dictionary, perhaps.  However, does anyone actually consider him or herself a pessimist?  Probably not admittedly.  Hmm.  What would be the next thing over from a pessimist?  A cynic!?!?  Does anyone see where I'm going with this one?

Although I am ALL for cynicism, perhaps there should be a bit of limit on it.  I like to consider myself not negative but realistic (but isn't that what all pessimists say?  'I'm just being realistic'). I think reality is important because it is persistent whether or not people choose to acknowledge it.   

Also, one shouldn't be unrealistically positive and flowery at a time when perhaps someone needs to acknowledge how bad things are so he or she can take action (there's a reason admitting you have a problem is considered step one on the road to recovery, whereas overoptimistic denial is nowhere on that last).  Also, I think at times cynicism protects us all - it causes us to take that extra step in questioning the intentions of others and the possible negative outcome of a situation.  However, lately, have I crossed the line into the territory of a negative, angry person?  

You don't have to answer that.  In fact, please don't.  

Now, I certainly can't be one of those optimists who pretends every thing's all right when it's not - I have known one too many people like this in my life and they drive me absolutely nuts.   I like to think blissful ignorance and optimism are two separate things.   

However, maybe I do need to be a little more optimistic and hopeful.  This might be a challenge for me, but let's consider this my latest resolution.... 

Did You Know?

September is National Humor In Business Month....

Gee whiz, what else does it have in store for us?!?!?!

The Power of Positive Thinking?

Now, let me preface this post with the obvious (or at least, what is obvious to anyone who regularly reads my blog or knows me personally, or both):  I am a cynic. 

Let me speak for a moment on the matter of the idea of the power of positive thinking.  The concept has been around for a long time and has had a recent surge in popularity.  Think "The Little Engine that Could" (inset).  The book "The Secret".  Barack Obama and his message of "Hope".  

Now, you all know my feelings on "The Secret" and "Obama" - I'll have to reread the train book before making an informed comment on it.  I was perusing the amazon.com message boards and came across a comment that brought up that 'yes, the book (The Secret) is a total sham in terms of false promises and sleazy marketing techniques, however, is her message of positive thinking wrong?'

Hmm.  Is there anything wrong with it?  Probably not.  But  is there anything really right with it?  Is it as all-powerful as so many self-help gurus have claimed?  Has it consistently performed?  Does it deserve the credit it has received?

Let's look at a couple question on the matter:  Do the masters of positivity really have resumes of mountains they've moved?  More importantly, in instances of success and overcoming great adversity - was positive thinking really the factor that lead to success, or was it a correlation moreso than causation?  Is there any way to really even measure this, per se?  

As I said, I'm not knocking positivity, but maybe it's a placebo when we need real medicine.  

Your thoughts?  

Something I Don't Understand....

Breaking up with someone and continuing to sleep with him/her.  

I have MANY friends who have engaged in said activity (I will provide anonymity to protect the guilty).  I know many coworkers, acquaintances, etc., who have done this as well.  It seems to be SURGING in popularity lately.  

WHY?

Ok, I get the two obvious reasons:  1)  horniness and 2)  familiarity along with a promise of some knowledge of this individual's sexual past.  

HOWEVER.  

You broke up with this person (or he or she dumped you) for a REASON.  Although being friends with, not having hard feelings toward, or still talking to this person are all acceptable and even respectable, how is still sleeping with him or her helping either of you move forward? 

My feelings on the matter have always been well summed up by this quote:  having sex with an ex is like getting fired from a job and going back to work for free (or, I suppose, firing an employee but still paying him).  

And don't even get me started on those who then go on to say 'well, we're still talking, we're trying to work it out....'  Umm, you're broken up.  Both of you wouldn't have gone through the break-up if one of you wasn't sure there was a good enough reason to do so.  

To me, saying one is dating someone isn't like being engaged - it's really not that big of a title/label.  If whatever two people have isn't strong enough to handle the 'boyfriend/girlfriend' status - it must be pretty weak and not going anywhere.  If two people really are 'working things out' - can't they do that and get back together first?  I think this is just a weak copout when two people know they aren't meant to be but haven't found a new sexual partner yet.

I know a lot of people are going to say I'm just being cynical or I'm over-simplifying things, relationships are complicated, blah blah.  However, as I see it, nothing complicates things like sleeping with someone.  If two people are really crazy about each other and meant to get back together - they will with or without the sex.  

Also, not to be all philosophical, but we all probably want to be in a successful relationship with someone we really like who is really great (etc. etc.).  How is backsliding to someone who wasn't good enough (or worse yet, thought YOU weren't good enough) helping advance that cause?  

Anyhow, I guess my point is this - when two exes continue to sleep together, although it might seem like a good idea at the time, it really isn't benefiting anyone in the long run and someone is most likely just getting used.  I think most backsliders are better off ripping the bandaid and buying a vibrator.  Just my thoughts.  

Sorry, I realize this post was 'judgy'.   Please be advised I am not judging others for being weak - I am only trying to call a spade a spade.  

The Secret - A Followup

This woman above is Rhonda Byrne, the author of "The Secret" - a New York Times bestseller endorsed by Oprah, Ellen DeGeneres, Larry King, etc. Not to judge a book by its cover (pardon the pun), but, well....

Ok, here's the deal:

1) A ton of people bought this book

2) If one goes to Amazon.com, a ton of people positively reviewed this book

3) Some influential, powerful, successful people have endorsed this book

(I think maybe all of the above should also check out "The Emperor's New Clothes" - but that's a whole different story. Why yes, I will go on with ridiculous puns FOREVER.)

A brief synopsis - and it hurts my head to even think back to this book - "The Secret" reference is the law of attraction. Like attracts like. With a loose interpretation (I am a liberal, after all), she possibly could be on to something. Positive people seem to attract other positive happy people and perhaps maybe a little extra good fortune - maybe a if one is really friendly, polite and perky, the barista will slip you a free cookie.

To take it a little further - maybe having a certain mindset does subconsciously affect our actions. Example: someone who strongly thinks "I am losing weight" will use this as a point of reference when it comes time to make a decision: Should I wake up a little early to work out? Yes, because I am losing weight!

However, Byrne does not take on a loose interpretation - no, not at all. She takes on a ridiculously strict interpretation. The law of attraction is pretty much failproof in her book - if you put yourself in a certain mindset - you absolutely most certainly will achieve exactly what you want, no two ways about it. Why yes, we really do have the much control over not only our lives but also the entire world!

The book is then peppered with some ludicrous examples (a man who would write himself fake checks every night, then real checks started arriving in the mail) and some desperate but necessary attempts to cover her ass - if you think something and it doesn't happen, you must not have been thinking it strong enough; if something bad happens to you, you must have been thinking it in the back of your head, EVEN IF YOU DIDN'T REALIZE IT.

I'm not going to dedicate much time to going over the obvious holes in this theory - what if I am going up against another person for a job - and we're both using the secret! What happens then? There wasn't a chapter about the secret's method of tie-breaking (this reminds me of in Bruce Almighty, when everyone won the lottery - $17 apiece!). What if a baby is born with, say, fetal alcohol syndrome? Was the baby thinking it on itself? Do babies even think?

I hate hate HATED this book. Although, as I mentioned earlier, it may have had some merits if it hadn't gone so far - this book was simply insulting to the intelligence of any adult of sound mind and body. The false guarantees she promises, the 'blame the victim' mentality - how desperate and hopeless does one have to be to believe this?

HOWEVER.

See my points 1, 2 and 3 above. People bought it and bought into it like mad. Is this a statement about our society? Are we in a place where we've become so desperate and pathetic to believe almost anything? (What's ironic is this book implies we can bring health, wealth, and happiness upon ourselves so easily - yet as this book's popularity soared, well, look at what's happened to the state of America's economy, etc. How come that positive thinking that this book recommended hasn't brought peace and prosperity?)

Anyhow - this book and the phenomenon surrounding it has raised several questions for me - how desperate are we for a quick fix? What can prevent us from buying into basically anything and everything these ridiculous self-help gurus are selling? Will we believe anything we want to?

Thoughts?

Defending the Wrongfully Accused

Now, in today's Sun-Times, within the first three pages, one can find stories on three separate instances of men who killed/tried to kill their wives.

People around the office have been commenting on it. Many women have been making the comment 'I'm glad I'm not married' or 'I'm never getting married'. Whenever there are very public stories of very unfortunate situations involving a married couple (such as this, or a raging celeb divorce - oh, we've got those in the daily paper too!) - these lamentations come out.

I would like to propose an alternative theory - in these specific cases, it's not the institution of marriage - it's the asshole(s) involved in it.

Now, granted - let me say this. I'm not married. I don't know what it's like to be married. And, I understand that planning a life with and being with the same person day in and day out for decades on end can be challenging and stressful in many ways. I understand that it's something that one doesn't truly understand unless he or she is experiencing it, and I understand that it might push one to do things he or she normally wouldn't.

WITHIN REASON.

Is murder within reason? Um, not so much!!!

When people hear stories like this - they look to blame marriage. I'm not sure who or what is to blame, exactly, but I don't think marriage is the right target. I'd sooner say to swear off the opposite (or, I suppose, same) sex, dating, romance, relationships, or people in general. Although I'm not sure these are the right targets either, I think they're closer to the bullseye.

Here's my personal take - it takes a certain kind of person to murder someone. We all have certain limits to our character. A normal, decent, good person is not going to be driven to murder by marriage. He (or she) will address conflicts within the relationship in other ways. Most people I know who have sworn off marriage are either a) in a relationship that is pretty close to the equivalent of being married or b) still quick to trust and date.

Not that I'm saying these people should be swearing off all of the aforementioned. However, in the same sense that I wouldn't want to be married to the kind of person who would do something so horrendous, I wouldn't want to be casually hooking up with him either. If someone is a questionable character - what good is ANY romantic involvement with the person?

My proposed solution...I don't really have one. But I think people are using marriage as a scapegoat to justify staying in a relationship with or getting involved with someone whose character is questionable, as if this makes everything ok (it's ok, cause we're not married!). I think we need to more objectively evalute and be more cynical to other people, not institutions. Although I realize that just because two people are good people doesn't mean they can necessarily make a relationship work with each other (in or out of marriage), I think if there's a red flag that one shouldn't be married to someone because of issues of character, the same goes that one probably shouldn't be dating him or her, either.

(Me, recommending cynicism. Surprising?)

Handwriting Analyst

So last night's Sun-Times birthday bash included a handwriting analyst as entertainment fare (I can only assume all magicians and balloon animal artists were already booked).

I decided to get in line 'for fun' - giving this the same amount of credibility as a palm-reader, astrologist or psychic. And in case any reader is wondering how much credibility that might be, well, remember, I am a regularly practicing cynic.

Let me preface this with the following statement: often times, things like horoscopes will have very subltly-general statements, such as "the happiness of those you care about is more important to you than your own" or "you're ambitious, it bothers you when others around you don't pull their own weight", which, generally speaking, MANY can find apply to themselves yet will still elicit a reaction of "OMG, sooo true!"

Her analysis of my signature, birthday, and brief cursive sentence:

--I am sensitive but I don't like people to know it
--I have trouble expressing my needs and feelings to others in my life, by the time I'm expressing them, I'm angry
--I see things in black and white, there is very little gray area in my life
--I have some creative side, perhaps I'm a writer....
--Sometimes I put up walls to block out emotions

Her advice to me:

--Become more in tune with my emotions; take down the wall
--See if I can get a deal to write a children's book (....)

Thoughts?

Women Who Want to Marry a Rich Man

Call this a rant of cynicism (the first of many)....

So, there is something that absolutely disgusts me. In recent discussions with other twenty-something females, in talks of future career/financial plans, I have been repeatedly met with a (dead serious) attitude of ‘well, you can worry about those kinds of things; I’m not going to - I’m going to be married to a guy who makes a lot of money'.

What has happened to the feminist movement? And I’m not talking bra-burning here. It seems as though some mysterious ‘anti-independence’ movement has arisen amongst women.

Let me tell you something – many years ago, women didn’t originally decide to fight for the ability to be independent for shits and giggles (or because they were ‘too ugly’ to be picked by a man for marriage, so they had to do something with their time, as most modern women seem to believe). Women fought for independence because they came to realize that with no means of supporting themselves, no educational background and no work experience and with six plus mouths to feed, clothe and house, if they happened to have a questionable character of a husband – their options were quite limited.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t think it’s wrong for a woman eventually decide to stay home with her children. However, I think all women should be prepared to go out into the workforce and be able to support herself and her potential children if need be – and we young twenty-something women are in a unique situation where we have more of an opportunity and awareness (thanks to all our previous generations) of this - and we’re not taking it!!!

There really is no argument against a woman being independent and prepared to care of herself – kind of like there are no real arguments against using a lifejacket when going out on the high seas. The only sentiment I’ve been hearing from these supposedly smart women is “I am special; I won’t need to”.

I think this attitude is what makes me the angriest – it’s ignorant and dangerous. And let me say this – I have been asked out by my fair share of men, some of who had lucrative careers. I only say this because I want to make it clear that I’m not making this argument from a bitter, have-not, outside-looking-in, jealous perspective. I think I am just as likely “to be picked by a rich man” (and I gag as I type this idea) as the next chick.

I personally don’t know any men who have the idea that it’s either being financially successful or having family – one or the other, not both. If men feel confidently in their ability to have their cake and eat it too – why don’t we women? Part of me feels it’s just plain fear and laziness that are keeping women waiting to be rescued – we need to rise up above this instead of living by it.

All I know is this – life doesn’t always turn out as planned – and anyone who has made it past kindergarten should know this. I think some women seem to assume that after they marry a man with money, it’ll be smooth sailing from there on out. That most likely isn’t going to be the cakewalk so many women think it is.

First off – what if something random goes wrong, and the family loses all its money? Unlikely, maybe; but possible nonetheless.

Also, what if the sweetest, smartest perfect partner comes along and he happens to make a very average income? What if this person happens to come from humble beginnings and have a lot of student loans? Aside from that, our economic system has changed a lot from the days of when it was normal for only one person in the family to work – only a very high income would support multiple people comfortably. Perhaps a lot of women will find that the men of their dreams come with more financial complications than initially anticipated. This begs the argument – should one sacrifice true love for financial stability?

Also, I know a few men who make a lot of money yet they freak out if their wife spends $30 on something. They keep strict budgets for everything. I don’t know about you, but I’d rather have the guy who makes $30K a year and says “order whatever you’d like” than the stingy rich man.

I will not even go near the can of worms labeled “what if he never comes” – however, we all know it exists.

Also, I think there’s the whole issue in being completely financially dependent on a man – a woman is stuck clinging to him, no matter what he turns into. I don’t know about you, but I want to be married to someone because I want to be in the relationship, not because, well, going back to school is too expensive so I’m stuck if I want a roof over my head.

I am not saying it’s easy to become financially independent. However, in the same sense most men are taught to fight to achieve it themselves – we women, with the potential to become whatever we want, need to capitalize on this opportunity – because the golden parachute better known as a rich man just might happen to be a knapsack.

Bad Parent!

Ok, since this topic is about a rather, ahem, litigious individual, I'm going to speak very vaguely. In fact, this blog is not about a specific individual. This blog is completely and totally hypothetical.

Let's say, hypothetically speaking, there was a woman who left her two year old daughter in her running car to step away for four minutes to donate some money to charity and was then ticketed by the police for child endangerment. She was put in handcuffs and given a potentially large fine.

Now, let's get one thing straight before anyone goes crazy on me....do I think she was being an irresponsible parent? Do I think she was disregarding her child's safety? No and no. She claims she was taking a 'calculated risk' - which is probably the case. She claims the car was never out of her sight and therefore she felt everything would be all right.

There have definitely been times when I have taken similar calculated risks. Like, if I take out the garbage and leave my apt door unlocked because I don't want to take the extra five seconds to lock and then unlock the door. The door is always within my sight and it seems like a reasonable calculation - although my mother would say something at this moment about what good would it do to be able to SEE as the burglar entering the door as I'm 50 feet away from it, etc. - probably the same amount of good it would do for this hypothetical mother to SEE the carjacker drive away with her car and hypothetical 2 year-old daughter.

Here's what I do know - if the police were able to approach the car (and possibly go unnoticed to the mother), so would a carjacker. Again - do I think this was bad parenting on her part? No, not necessarily. But, this situation COULD have had much worse consequences than a citation.

She fought the ticket and she will not have to pay the fine - I think this, too, is ok. Here's where all my beefs come in. Getting let off the hook for the fine was apparently NOT enough for this overgrown baby. It should, in theory, end here. However, she would like an apology from the police and she's REALLY upset she's not getting it.

This is where I come in and say that I would like a million dollars - but sometimes in life, gasp, we don't always get what we want. I don't think necessarily think the police were wrong. Maybe a little excessive. Granted, this is all very subjective. So I think the police dropping the charges but not apologizing is a reasonable compromise that this woman SHOULD be happy with.

However, this obviously isn't the case. She is filing a lawsuit against the police. Because they won't apologize. Really? How much money is said apology worth to her? Right now, 'an unspecified amount'. Second, when this said citation incident took place - it had never crossed my radar. This might now sound like much, but I probably taken in more daily news than 95% of Americans, seeing that I work at a newspaper and watch MSNBC more than any other channel. She is trying to claim she was 'publicly humiliated'. Funny, since I hadn't heard of her until she agreed to do interviews for various large-scale media outlets. She may have been humiliated - but she's bringing the 'public' aspect completely on herself.

To me, this whole situation begs the question - what kind of example is she setting for her daughters? When you don't initially get EXACTLY what you want, throw a very public tantrum until you do? Never hesistate to seek profit off someone you disagree with?

Even if she does sincerely feel she was wronged by someone - in life, sometimes we are wronged and do not get anything to make up for it. And, sometimes, more often than not, we should know when to stand up, brush ourselves off, be adults and move on with our lives. There are going to be times when this woman's elementary school daughters are wronged - bullies may take their school supplies, someone may cut them in line, etc. And they're not going to get one damn thing for it and they're going to have to live with it. We don't always get the apologies we want. Sometimes, things are taken from us and we don't get them back. It's life. Love it or leave it.

Also, what else gets me is this woman is pimping out a charity for her benefit. She got out of her car to put money in a salvation army drop-bin - fine, ok, nice, wonderful - but if she had gotten out of her car for the same period of time and walked the same distance away from the car to buy a pack of cigarettes - she'd be paying the fucking $2500, no two ways about it.

The fine was dropped. She needs to get over it. I regret that I am even giving this very 'non-news' news item attention. This is yet another example of the fact that even though we may age into adulthood, some people never really grow up. If this lawsuit goes through, it is yet another example of all that is wrong with our legal system - even if one does experience 'suffering' - who out there decided there should be a price tag on it, and who out there decides exactly WHAT that price should be? All I really know is that there have been times I have felt upset or offended by people or incidents - and I did not seek any financial restitution from it.

My final thought on this ridiculous situation - this woman spoke of how this "ruined her entire family's Christmas". Yes, I'm sure it may have put a damper on somethings. However, as I stated earlier - if the police were able to approach the vehicle, a carjacker would have been able to as well. And had a carjacker gotten in the car and driven away with her daughter - then she'd really have something to cry about. That ruined Christmas would make this ruined Christmas seem like two weeks in the Dominican Republic.

Joey Tribiani was Right

So I was raised Catholic. As many know, it is Lent right now. Every "Good Catholic" is making some form of sacrifice over this period of 40 days.

I have many many thoughts on this matter. However, there's not enough time in the day/space on this website for all of it. I will say this - to my understanding, it is supposed to be a sacrifice. Highly ironically, every female I know who participates in this sacrifice-making has given up something to the extent of chocolate, sweets, fried food, etc. SOME FORM OF FOOD.

Now, call me cynical (I guarantee you won't be the first...) - I kind of think there's a bit of an ulterior motive on some people's part. As Joey on Friends once said - there's no such thing as a selfless good deed. It's not that it's so wrong to think - hey 'two birds, one stone' - BUT, in a way, this is supposed to be a sacrifice, an inconvenience - NOT that chance to finally kick that extra ten pounds.

I am not saying there's anything wrong with people giving up, say, chocolate. I understand that even though it might benefit oneself, it is still quite a sacrifice for some and the whole aspect of saying no to cravings is ever-present. However, seeing there isn't a vast 'chocolate shortage' - i am wondering - who, other than oneself, benefits from said sacrifice? Again, I'm not saying there's anything wrong with doing this, I'm just questioning if there's actually anything right with it either.

So, I guess I wonder, if one is sacrificing and no one is benefiting - is this the same idea as a tree falling in the woods? Is this tradition relevant in today's society? What is the benefit of said practice, other than 'following tradition'? Either one is giving something up for Lent to benefit oneself (which is selfish, and not the point of the holiday) or one is giving something up to benefit no one (which, perhaps, is pointless).

Sigh

Today at work, a woman posed a question:

Woman: Jaime, do you mind me asking how old you are?

J: Almost 25.

W: OH. Really? (why someone would ask really, I REALLY have no idea....)

J: Yeah....

W: You have a very (long pause) mature quality to your looks.

Looks like I need some age defying make-up.

She then segued into 'so you probably are starting to get a lot of pressure from your family that you need to get married and start having children soon....'

This was my day in a nutshell.