Fate vs. Action

So, as discussed earlier, some people believe 'everything happens for a reason'. Some people believe that, no matter how hard a person tries, one cannot screw up his/her fate - our mistakes 'make our fate', if you will (per Sex and the City).

However, there's another saying that goes 'fate only takes you so far - once you're there it's up to you to make it happen'. I mean, if one thinks about it, this makes complete sense on some level. Let's say if one wants to go into some career path or achieve some goal - some form of action is necessary. One can't become a professional athlete by just sitting on the couch eating cheetos watching tv and wishing for it.

So, I ask this - for those out there who believe in fate - what percentage is fate and what percentage is action? If something isn't meant to be, is there any way possible to force it? When should someone give up on something? Should someone just sit back and wait for something to happen? I think the semi-unanimous response to this would be 'no', but if we can't miss our fate, then won't things work out a certain way any way?

Your thoughts? I certainly don't know the answer to this one. However - I do remember that back in college, I had a crush on a fellow student (see blog post entitled 'Unrequited Love'). A large part of me, at the time, believed in fate and that if he was meant for me, we'd somehow end up together. However, I wrote him an email letting him know how I felt to take action (despite my beliefs that things would work out if necessary) so I would have peace of mind knowing that, if we never got together, I did all that I could and I could never sit around wondering 'what if'. Anyhow.

Trying to Find Comfort on the Internet?

It always amuses me the things people search for on the internet. Or rather, the possibly answers out there in cyberspace. I guess whether or not people are actually searching for these things is difficult to tell, although, I believe if there are answers out there, it's simply because someone was once asking the question.

Some examples of what I'm talking about:

--Unrequited Love: 1,060,000 google hits
--Dealing with a Broken Heart: 45,600,000 google hits
--Everything Happens for a Reason: 31,600,000 google hits

If one is struggling with a difficult time - is 'googling' the issue - these emotional, real life issues - now the way we cope? Is this a sign of the times? If one is suffering from, let's say, unrequited love, does one google the subject and read up on it? Is there comfort in that? Does google really hold all the answers? I'm kind of opting for 'no' - insert cliched expression of 'some answers can't be found on google'.

Anyhow.

Your thoughts? Has anyone out there ever googled how to handle a tough 'life' topic? Has anyone out there sought comfort on the internet?

No judgment.

The One?

So now, this morning on the el, I was reading Cosmo (as usual) and there's an article about soulmates (and, kind of, how it's dangerous to believe in them because we pass up good people and just set ourselves up for disappointment).

Do my readers believe in soulmates? I'm a cynic, however, I am torn on this one. I actually kind of do believe in soulmates - however, I think some people will mistakenly think someone is his or her soulmate, get hung up on the person, and then, as cosmo illustrates - miss out on other great people. I can definitely see this - I definitely think it's important to eventually move past someone if it's clear it's either a) not going to work out or b) not happening in the first place. A part of me wants to think (like most of my friends think) that there are lots of people for lots of people, and soulmates are just a figment of one's imagination. (Editor's sidenote - and not to annoy Piper - but it just came to mind that my cynical sarcastic counterpart Chandler Bing also doesn't believe in soulmates. Had to say it.)

Anyhow. There's also another school of thought that says we get two great loves - I'm not sure my feelings on this idea either, although it is quite realistic - maybe there's one for our younger selves (a 'first love', if you will) and then one for our mature adult self - the person we ultimately become.

A tiny tiny part of me does believe there are things not in our control and that sometimes, for whatever reason, some things are just meant to be (or not meant to be), and that maybe some of us do have someone we are somehow destined to end up with. However, I guess I'm not sure everyone has a soulmate. And I definitely, definitely think a lot of people I know have wrongly thought someone was their soulmate (and probably ended up with a lot of wasted time and energy on that person/missed out on other opportunities, etc.). Hmm.

What do you all think? Please, enlighten me.

Unrequited Love, Part 2

So I just made an interesting discovery. If someone googles 'unrequited love', this blog comes up in the top ten google results. Actually, me writing this post right now probably strengthens that result.

So what is google trying to tell me? Am I an expert in 'unrequited love'? If so, well, ouch, google.

I guess my next question is this - are people searching for ways to cope with unrequited love on the internet? For as funny as this sounds, I do understand that unrequited love is quite a state of desperation, so I'm certainly NOT judging. Like everyone, I know the lonely sad state of heartache and how one could look for comfort in anything to make himself or herself feel better.

I don't know what there is to really make one feel better - I know there are many vices (some unhealthy, some perfectly fine) that people turn to for some self-medication in these times, but I'm not sure what really cures the sad state of the broken heart. As Whitney Houston asked back in the '80s - where do broken hearts go?

I feel inspired by this subject. There'll be a couple more posts later.

Unrequited Love?

This picture is associated with the Charlie Brown quote 'Nothing spoils the taste of peanut butter quite like unrequited love'.

All this talk about songs on my i-pod has gotten me thinking. Anon nicely brought up the song "As I Lay Me Down" by Sophie B. Hawkins, which reminds me of my 7th grade crush. sigh. j/k. Anyhow.

Like everyone else in the world, I have experience with unrequited love. (Being that I had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.) One experience happened in college. Probably most of my friends/blog readers know/remember said experience for me. Actually, let's call this an unrequited crush.

I met him freshman year of college - we had a class together and talked briefly a couple times. He seemed like a genuinely nice person with good morals. I did some research and found out he had a serious girlfriend. I will not mention his name for the sake of protecting the innocent.

Anyhow. Long story short, he and I ran into each other a couple of times throughout college, but either I was dating someone, or he was, or the conversation was very brief and didn't allow for going anywhere personal. Well, senior year of college, I was single the entire time and started thinking about him quite a bit. About a week prior to graduation (I graduated in December of 2004, so most of the people I started college with had an extra semester left), I wrote him an email (I was just slightly ahead of my time in the dating world - back in 2004 this wasn't necessarily as common a way to ask someone out as it is now).

It went something like this:

Hi XXXX:

I don't know if you remember me - we had XXX class together freshman year and we ran into each other at XXX recently. This is kind of random, but I kind of have had a crush on you for a while and I was wondering if you were possibly interested in getting together some time. I'm graduating in two weeks so I thought I'd just get in touch and put it out there. Ok, take care!

He responded:

Hi Jaime (he spelled my name correctly!):

I definitely remember you - I enjoyed taking that class with you and it is good to hear from you. I actually have had a girlfriend for a little over a year, so I don't think it would be best for us to hang out. Congrats and good luck with graduating.

(Editor's sidenote: I do not remember either email, exactly, because, believe it or not, I didn't print it or save it, so once my U of I email account was disabled, it was lost in cyberspace. Tear.)

Sigh. The one that got away. J/k. I believe he is currently married and living in some other part of the country. Anyhow.

When I think back to him and this incident, I actually have fond memories of it - which makes me think this wasn't actually unrequited love, but rather, an unrequited crush, because, well, who remembers unrequited love fondly? At the time, I thought I felt more strongly toward him than I did. I knew he was a nice decent guy, but I didn't know him as well as I assumed to and never really had a personal connection/friendship to him (maybe this was the halo effect or something) - so it really was much more of a crush than anything.

Anyhow. Although I don't really think of this person any more (which might be hard for those who knew me back in college to believe), I don't remember him for the fact that he didn't want me in the same way I wanted him but I do remember him for being a nice decent person who was respectful to my (and other people's) feelings. That's what I remember about him and that's what I liked about him.

I do periodically wonder what he thought, getting an email completely out of the blue from a girl he hardly knew and hadn't seen or talked to in quite a while. When I think of this, it makes me think of the fact that there is probably someone completely random and unexpected out there thinking of all of us.

I have had other experiences with unrequited love - but those are stories for another day.