File That Under....

This e-card was picked because I often times say 'file that under'.  And get mocked for it.  I am not alone.  There is at least one other person who employs this expression.  And he or she does work for someecards.

Irony - Juxtaposition

Yes, that's broccoli.  

Irony Alert

Copied from an unnamed source:

"We are looking for someone who can think outside of the box without relying upon “industry speak” and buzz words."

Is anyone thinking inside the box anymore?  Maybe there's some good stuff there that's getting missed.  I believe I've written this post before, but it deserved a revisit.

(I should mention, additionally, that the writer of the initial post on the unnamed source is a self-proclaimed 'cutting edge firm'.)

I Wish You Well....

After last night's blogging, quite frankly, the well is dry.

No promises of any posts. However, there were times I promised posts and did not deliver. The only consistency is inconsistency. It's your dice to roll, if you'd like to check regularly for a new post.

Irony

On the way home from work, I kept thinking "I should blog tonight, but I don't know if I'll be able think of anything!"

Presented Without Comment

Chris Matthews of Hardball (MSNBC) asking a guest "why won't the president come on and explain to us in plain English why this is happening"?

Did You Know?

September is National Humor In Business Month....

Gee whiz, what else does it have in store for us?!?!?!

Girl Crush

I think I'm starting to develop a little bit of a girl crush.  On whom, you may ask??

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Isn't it obvious?

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Some might girl-crush on Angelina Jolie or Jessica Alba (or Keri Russell) - not me.  This doesn't necessarily mean I'll vote for her, or even support her.  Still, that sarcastic wit (who cares if she didn't write the speech?).  Those bangs (she shares my hairstyle!!).  Sigh.   

Coming to Terms....

So, I just got this month's Glamour (my favorite magazine) in the mail - the cover has Rachel Bilson, Diane Lane and Ali Larter (above, respectively) with the tagline "Love Your Looks; (these three women) Tell How".

Ok.  Do I think these are the three most beautiful women in Hollywood?  Probably not.  Are they judged by their looks and compared to their peers more often than your average person, especially in their careers?  Probably so.  

However.   In comparison with say, the general female population, I think these women definitely fall into at least the top 20% (probably more realistically top 10%) in the looks department.   I don't think your truly average or below average looking woman who is struggling to accept herself would find comfort in hearing these kind of women speak about how they came to terms with one earlobe being longer than the other.  

This is probably a lot like when stick thin women speak out about how they finally came to accept their bodies, so everyone else should too!!  Most women think 'yeah, I'd have no problem accepting YOUR body, either'.  

Maybe a truly average looking actress would have been a better choice for this spread.   Hmm, who even IS an actress who looks like an every day person?  Sarah Jessica Parker?  Heather Matazarro? (does anyone other than me even know who this is?)

However, I haven't read the article yet, so maybe I'm just judging a book by its cover.  Maybe there's something really insightful and astounding within.  I highly doubt it, but I will check back and see.  

A Drinking Game for the Republican National Convention

"My friends."

Those are the right's buzzwords on the week of the Republican National Convention. Was it drawing on one's own experience of winning popularity on the playground in first grade or the book "How to Win Friends and Influence People" that lead to this choice? Leave your thoughts here.

P.S. As of my writing this post, John McCain is yet to speak....

If You Are Easily Offended....

It's been brought to my attention that my blog and the strong opinions on it and can be potentially offensive to some of my readers - perhaps, to anyone who has any thoughts or feelings about politics or relationships.

I do realize this. However, I kind of think that's a part of my blog's allure (IF it has one). So, I'll be watering the blog down around the same time Jay Mariotti, Howard Stern and Ann Coulter decide to water it down.

I certainly don't want to offend my readers, ever. I love my readers. I love my readers more than you have any idea.

So, I'm sorry to those I've offended (maybe). Well, I'm sorry if people felt offended. I realize anyone who believes in living together before marriage or anyone who likes Obama or McCain or Bush or anyone who's a lawyer will probably be offended at some point. But I don't know that I'm actually sorry I said what I said. And I don't know that I won't say it again in the future.

Someone got offended about an Obama joke. Someone got offended about Kleenex. My mom thinks I offended Ana by making fun of her for using quotation marks.

I'm sorry. Sorta. But doesn't it just make you wanna come back for more?

Please feel free to disagree with me in the comments section with the same volume with which I opine. I eagerly await some strong words.

Pink Ribbon

So several of my good friends are doing the 'breast cancer three day walk'. They are 'training' by walking around ten miles a pop on a regular basis (which, although I do understand - there's something hilarious about 'practicing walking').

Anyhow, here are my thoughts - great cause, great that they're raising money for it - however - they're doing this additional extensive procedure: buying plane tickets to Boston, months of training, three days walking 60 miles, when....

Does it really matter?

Not the fundraising itself - the process of walking 60 miles. Or, for that matter - all of these 'activity-a-thons' for a cause. Can't these people just walk around raise the money and forgo the walking (or whatever it might be) process?

I think what amuses me the most is that, in this act and spirit of charity, there seems to be a bit of an implication of sadistic qualities. Somehow, the notion of my friends going this extra mile (pardon the pun) and putting themselves through physical agony is going to get people more excited and think "yeah, this is something I'd give money to see happen!"

So When Are YOU Getting Married?

So, it seems as though there's a growing trend to harass all us swinging singles age 21 and up about tying the not. At family parties, weddings and various other events, people like me often get the question "so when are you getting married?"

It's quite a peculiar question when you think about it, seeing that if one is not currently engaged, how would one have an answer? "Well gee, I'm thinking October 11, 2010 - I have a dress picked out and a hall reserved, here's hoping I meet someone in time!"

I found a facebook group with a discussion board on clever retorts to this nagging question. I've always thought making people who ask intrusive questions uncomfortable to be one of life's simple pleasures - here's my top 10 answers that do exactly that:

10) As soon as my boyfriend gets out of jail.

9) Probably right after you guys get divorced.

8) As soon as Brad tires of Angelina.

7) When I lower my standards like you.

6) Actually, I prefer living in sin.

5) When I figure out who the father is.

4) Once the 'operation' is complete.

3) First they have to lift the restraining order....

2) Not until he turns 18, that's for sure.

drumroll please (I plan on using this on my grandmother, for she is sure to be asking said question)....

1) As soon as I can find a man who can outperform my vibrator!

Jerry Seinfeld

What's with these people who can't believe the weather? Can you believe this weather? YES, I CAN. It's kind of like these people who can't believe the time - can you believe it's 3:00 already? Why yes, it's 3:00 every day at this time! These people - I just want to station them outside the bank sign.

April Fools!

So, I wasn't planning an April Fools' prank because I hadn't thought of one, and, let's face it, when people are trying to be clever and creative, they often aren't. However, around 10 am, the perfect thought came to mind. I text my mom saying I saw Barack Obama in the Merchandise Mart (where I work). It wasn't all that unrealistic (aside from the fact that he's in PA today), since he has been in the building before for an interview and he is from Chicago. I then decided to take it a step further and made my facebook and gmail status as "I just saw Barack Obama in the elevator at the Sun-Times". Within 15 minutes - several of my coworkers are messaging me "WHEN? IS HE STILL HERE??" I was seriously afraid an uproar was gonna start and I was gonna get in trouble for it! Anyhow - people I haven't talked to in years started messaging me asking if I'm gonna vote for him now, etc! The brilliance of April Fools' Day is that it's a day when people are SUPPOSED to be watching for practical jokes. This joke would not have been 1/4 as special any other day. I claim 12 known victims - 12 people who came forward to ask me what it was like to meet Mr. Obama himself. I wonder how many people right now are silently thinking I met him today. Well, I am about to clear the air to the facebook and gmail community. It was grand while it lasted. :-)