Follow Up on an Article

So loyal reader Marek posted an article for my 'review and comment'.

In short - why are you not married?

Dear Marek:  which of the six reasons applies to me?

I look forward to a response.

Engagements.

So recently, one of my good friends got engaged.  I am very happy for her - her fiance is a very nice, respectful person.  She is excited to register.

Let me revisit this one.  Why can't I, or others, pull this one?

Hi.  It's Carrie Bradshaw.  I wanted to let you know that I'm getting married.  To myself.  Oh, and I'm registered at Manolo Blahnik.  So thanks.  Bye!

Why not?

The Best Thing About Getting Married....

So my friend, Rachel, is getting married in the next couple months. She mentioned how she has recently completed her registry and how exciting it is to periodically check in and see the gifts she picked getting purchased.

In a previous post, I commented that I think the most exciting thing about getting married would be creating a page on theknot.com. I lied. Or I changed my mind. Registering for gifts is far and away the winner.

I cannot imagine - going to Crate & Barrel, Pier 1, BBB, Macy's (all the stores I have very recently come to love) and just making a list - like one big giant letter to Santa)....

Sigh. I am so jealous. If I had a registry, I'd be refreshing it more often than facebook. Speaking of registries - must they be limited to weddings/showers? I think I might do one for every birthday/Christmas/what have you from now on.

Random sidenote: Ever notice how awkward it is to buy some gifts on a wedding registry? I've been to a handful of friends weddings and I've often struggled with the concept of some of the gifts. 'Congratulations on your marriage - here's a big giant knife!'

Sex and the City's 'Taxi Theory'

Yet more wonderful words of wisdom from Sex and the City.

So, according to my cynical counterpart, Miranda Hobbes:

"Men are like cabs. When they're ready to get married, they turn their light on. The next woman they pick up, boom! they marry."

Agree or disagree? It's kind of a blanket statement and I definitely know it's not true of all men, but I think there can be a little truth to this with some men. The counter argument, I suppose, would be that women are just looking to get married and will just marry any guy who asks them. Which, I will say, again, is certainly not true of all women, but I can see some truth to it.

Anyhow. I find both sides to this a little depressing. I am a closet hopeless romantic. I almost secretly want a guy who claims he'll never get married (although I'd never date a guy with this attitude) to propose to me, so I'll know it's me and not just that 'the timing is right'. Conversely, I am not all that interested in getting married. I would want a relationship that could potentially lead to marriage, but I don't just date people for the sake of 'having' or much worse 'needing' someone. I am holding out hope for not just someone but 'the one', if you will - which realize might not always be realistic.

Your thoughts?

Traditions I Don't Like....

When the guy asks the girl's dad for her hand in marriage.

Now, don't get me wrong, this tradition is fine for others. I'm not criticizing other couples for having done it this way. However, I will not be having it.

First off, if I'm gonna spend the rest of my life with a guy, that's my decision and my decision alone (I get it that the asking of the dad is in addition to, not instead of asking the woman, but still). I know a lot of girls who have said they will be very upset if the guy does not ask her father. They feel it's tradition and it's cute and charming and will make the whole family happy. Fine for them. Not for me.

Second - the Jessie Spano in me does feel there's a slightly sexist component to this tradition. I don't know for sure, but I'm guessing this originated in a place where dowries were the thing and a man's wife was considered his 'property'. Why the father? Why not both the parents?! What is the old-fasioned thought at the base of this? One man has owned me thus far, now another man is asking to take me over, in a business-like transaction (in the same way one would buy or sell of a piece of a company to another)?

Perhaps a man sitting down both my parents asking them for my hand in marriage is a little more settling to me, but still, I am not a minor. It is my decision to make and their vote in the matter, is, in theory, moot point. Sure, if my parents really didn't want the guy I was dating in our family, it might affect my opinion, but if I had my heart set on him, it would not.

Anyhow. I know there's a lot of room for debate on a lot of these points and that some people just see this as cute/traditional/harmless. And, I suppose, it is all in the eye of the beholder. However, for me personally, as I said earlier - I will not be having it. If a guy were to ask my father, it would be an automatic no on my end. It would show to me that this guy doesn't really know me. It would also say that he cares more about following some soceital tradition than making me happy, which is a red flag to anyone. Actually, it would pretty much say he doesn't care about flat out pissing me off at a moment when he is supposed to be going out of his way to charm me and win me over.

However, as I said earlier, I know several girls who will be very upset/disappointed if their guy does not ask his future father-in-law's permission. Your thoughts? Does anyone else feel the same way I do on this tradition? Are there any other Jessie Spanos out there?

Watch Out, Men of the Chicagoland Area....

Completely unrelated to the previous post....

A random coworker has just passed a wedding magazine/catalog on to me. I am not sure why, because I have never mentioned dating anyone or the subject of weddings in general to her. I think it was in a 'you're not married yet, so maybe you have a use for this' (in comparison to my wedded coworkers).

Maybe I should bring this with me when I go out to the bars, to advertise that, since I'm carrying a wedding magazine, I must not be married yet - therefore I am still on the market. Yep, I think this is a good idea. Watch out, boys - I'm armed and I'm not afraid to use it.

They Don't Know Me as Well as They/I Thought...

E-Mail Subject Line:  Marriages Break Down Because of Incompatible Personalities

Body:

If you and your marital partner are having trouble, come in and get your Personality and IQ checked as this may be the reason for your disputes.

Call to set up an appointment.

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I am not married.  I am not engaged.  I am not close to it either.  And I am absolutely fine with it.  :-)   In fact, this past Christmas, my mom declared she plans on "spoiling me every Christmas, until I get married".  So let's be honest, the odds that I'll walk down the aisle any time soon are getting slimmer by the second.  

You're going to have to do a little bit better than that, Chicago Dianetics Society.