My Own Personal 'FU Autocorrect'

Speaks for itself.

Traditional & Predictable

Snoopy Mother's Day!

A Knife, A Penny....

This is a set of nice kitchen knives I received for my birthday (per my request).  As you can see, there is a penny affixed to the package.

When I was young, I was taught of a superstition that when one gives another a sharp object (a knife, scissors, pins, etc), the other party needs to give one a penny in return, otherwise a fight will result.  My mom (sorry Mom) supported this with the example of the fact that my boyfriend at the time and I had just had an argument, and the pins from the corsage he gave me at our recent high school dance resided on our counter.

I've been plagued with randomly handing over pennies at various moments when I needed to borrow scissors in a pinch, etc.  When I received this recent gift, it had a penny attached.  My mom explained that the person in front of her in line was also buying a sharp object as a gift (story in question - again, sorry Mom), and the sales lady suggested this person tape a penny to the package to 'negate the energy'.  So my mom followed in suit.  However, she said she is uncertain this effectively 'works', and casually dropped 'or I can give her 14 pennies, whenever convenient' on several occasions.  (There are 14 knives in this set.)

Has anyone else heard of this superstition?  Is there an 'old wives tale' regarding the exchanging of sharp objects being bad luck.  Does a penny really undo it?  Are there others who abide by this superstition?  Your thoughts?

Snoopy Mother's Day!!

Dear Santa...

So 'Santa' has made multiple requests for my Christmas list.

I am struggling.  Most of the things I want cannot be found in a stocking (I know, how profound).

Anyone else find adult Christmas lists to be quite boring?  Dear Santa, I would like the Martha Stewart wire colander.  Ooh, let's throw in rolling pin while we're at it!

A Lovely Birthday Gift From My Mother

Undateable.  311 Things Guys do that Guarantee They Won't be Dating or Having Sex
By:  Ellen Rakieten & Anne Coyle

Elaine:  So basically, what you're saying is that 95% of the population is undateable?

Jerry:  UNDATEABLE!

Elaine:  So how are all these people getting together?

Jerry:  Alcohol!

I can't wait to read it!

My Valentine

From Mom.

Of course, being the responsible person I am, I tested it immediately. It works great!

The Last of NYC, for Now....

I'm offended they didn't ask me to fill in on the panel. I could have offered some good insight, at least I think.

The Home of Jerry Seinfeld

I'm on the plane, we left late, and the pilot says, "We're going to be making up some time in the air." I thought, "Isn't that interesting. They just make up time." That's why you have to reset your watch when you land. Of course, when they say they're making up time, obviously they're increasing the speed of the aircraft. Now my question is, if you can go faster, why don't you just go as fast as you can all the time? "Come on, there are no cops up here! Nail it! Give it some gas! We're flying!"




The funniest thing - this was the listed address for the 'soup kitchen' (as in, no soup for you!). Apparently, the storefront is changing hands. Two Seinfeld references at one address!



Look to the cookie!



He chose 'Bit O Honey' at Dylan's Candy Bar (as in 'Bee Movie').



What's a 3-letter word for candy?



Why are you talking about my shoes? My Botticelli shoes. You've been talking about my Botticelli shoes!

New York City, a Recap

So, as you all probably know, I was in New York City with my mother this past week. That would be the main reason behind the lack of blog updates.

It was grand. Spectacular. There are not words.

However, I, of course, was still thinking about my friends and loyal blog readers while I was gone.


The New York Public Library. For you, Piper.

\
Emily - a simple reminder that no matter how bad things seem, they could always be worse.


It says "How You Doin'". This is for Courtney.


For you, Marek. This is your cue to comment again.

New York City!!!

Next week, I'm going to New York City for a couple days with my mother. We don't have any major clear-cut plans at the moment, but there'll be some serious shopping, eating, and broadway show-seeing going on.

On that note - does anyone have any specific restaurant or (Mom-friendly) bar recommendations? I am taking suggestions now.

P.S. I will try to update the blog from my phone from NYC. We'll see how it goes.

Birthday!

One of this blog's biggest fans celebrates a big one today! Happy Birthday Mom (aka Marcia)!!

Happy Mother's Day!

Today is the one year anniversary of the Kleenex episode. I won't bring it up any further because I don't want to rehash it all, but the parties involved know exactly what I'm talking about. Moment of silence.

Goodbyes are Hard....

It's so hard to say goodbye to an old friend.

As of later today, my first car will no longer be with my family. Chevy is a 1992 navy blue blazer (picture to come). He has really labored through his last couple years, what with the passenger door handle falling off and the driver's side door not opening, and the gas guage not working. He was my first car. I got in my first two accidents with him. I remember that fateful February day when I was one block from my high school and a man blew a stop sign and t-boned me. I spent the next half hour of my morning talking to the cops on the side of the rode as half of my classmates drove by, gawking at me out their windows. Sigh.

Anyhow, I digress. I will miss my friend of 17 years. I think he was resentful of me over the last couple years, after I got Henry the Honda, but I knew Marcia was taking good care of him. Alas, he was there for me nonetheless when Henry was on the fritz. Sigh. I'll miss you old buddy.

The City So Nice, They Named it Twice!

So my mother and I are about to embark on our annual trip New York City (I am calling it an annual trip with high hopes). We have been there twice before. Now taking suggestions for what to do while in town.

Key FOBs

So my mother got me this very lovely "Key FOB' from Coach for my birthday. One question - why are they called "FOBs"? I've asked the people at Coach and they said 'it's just the name'. I feel like FOB must stand for something. I've tried googling. Does anyone know the origin of this term?

(Editor's sidenote: No, this was not an attempt to alienate all two of my male readers, if they even still exist....)

For My Mom, Because I Know She Came Through for Me

I did not have a Valentine this V-day. Although I don't mind being single, it was a little sad to not celebrate a holiday. However, every Valentine's Day, my mom prepares a cute little gift basket for me. I haven't seen her since before Valentine's Day, but I have a good feeling on this one....

Non-Conformist

So, I don't own Uggs. I have nothing against them. I don't purposely not own them because I'm intentionally trying to go against the mainstream, because that's stupid. I just don't own them.

I own THESE BAD BOYS instead. Gabriella Rocha, courtesy of Zappos.com. (I deserve a kickback for this.)

And I LOVE LOVE LOVE them.

They Don't Know Me as Well as They/I Thought...

E-Mail Subject Line:  Marriages Break Down Because of Incompatible Personalities

Body:

If you and your marital partner are having trouble, come in and get your Personality and IQ checked as this may be the reason for your disputes.

Call to set up an appointment.

--------

I am not married.  I am not engaged.  I am not close to it either.  And I am absolutely fine with it.  :-)   In fact, this past Christmas, my mom declared she plans on "spoiling me every Christmas, until I get married".  So let's be honest, the odds that I'll walk down the aisle any time soon are getting slimmer by the second.  

You're going to have to do a little bit better than that, Chicago Dianetics Society.  

A Stranger's Review of Jaime's Blog(!!!)

I previously posted about a company called 'Oh Nuts' on October 19.

Oh Nuts replied:

HI,

 

Thank you for choosing Oh! Nuts to serve your sweet needs! and Thanks for the blog ( it is a nice one, and I see you posting often).

Would you please send me the order number so I could apply the credit to your Mothers CC.

 

Thanks!

Ari

Oh! Nuts 

They called my blog 'a nice one'.  :-D  

At 10:35pm today, my day has been made.  Thank you Nuts.